INTJ girl looking for help regarding INFJ guy

[FamineGT]

After you've taken time to sort it out though, can you and her sit down and talk about it well together? I think one problem is that I can come across as a little harsh, but I don't feel harsh at all. It's just because I get into the discussion so much. Does that all work ok for you and your girlfriend? Is there some way for you to feel more at ease in those situations?

Usually when things settle down a bit we're able to talk about what been bugging the other person. We're both pretty good at taking the other person's situation into consideration so for the most part, any issues that come up aren't major. For myself, once I'm able to hear her side of things, it allows me to take a step back and rethink my feelings of the situation. Sometimes I get a bit too preoccupied on what I want and/or how I'm feeling so listening to her helps sort out my viewpoints. It's all about the give and take, and finding the middle ground for situations. ^^

Also, both of us are fairly indecisive about like, when to hang out, what to do, etc. We both just follow each other and don't like making those kinds of decisions. I joked and said we have to take turns deciding things instead of always being like, "whatever you wanna do," "no, whatever YOU wanna do." =p Do you guys do that too? It's funny but kinda frustrating. I would rather him lead most of the time.

lol...that happens with us as well. We deem ourselves as the most boring couple because we tend to do the same things. We're also not the most financially able, which also limits the activities that we do together as well. I think after a point, you can kind of gauge whether the other person would want to go to a specific event or not. I know she wouldn't be into watching a total guy-action flick like "The Expendables" or split a Bacon Double Cheeseburger Pizza, but if there's something that interests me that I think she might like as well, then I'll make a suggestion and vice versa. She won't ask me to hang out with her other girl friends and such so it's also more of that middle ground thinking. Keep in mind that we've been together for about 6 years, so it took some time for us to pick up on these things as well. ^^

 

[headache]

And I'm curious, for anyone who's had a relationship with an INTJ, what kinds of personality difficulties did you have with them? The times that I've seen him have personal issues with someone, he sometimes just avoids them or outwardly ignores them. He doesn't seem to like confrontation all that much. I'm more likely to come right out and say what I think. And confrontation doesn't have to mean a negative thing to me.

Dunechka:

Leaving the INTJ out of it, I can say that I was always a little shy at letting a woman know I liked her. I could always "talk" to a woman. Just was sorta afraid she wouldn't like me as much.

I never seemed to have a problem being "friends" with a woman. The issue was that I had this level of shyness that was mild, but enough to hold me back from letting women know I wanted to move to a step more than just being friends.

The relationships I had went something like this. First we became friends. Maybe she was a customer where I worked or we both had a connection through a community event.

After we became friends, we became closer friends that went to some of the same events.

Then if it seemed I really wanted to move closer, I just kept making contact as a friend. I always "waited" for her to ask me "officially on a date". I always waited for her. I don't know why, but I did.

So, if your guy is this way also, somehow you need to let him know you want to progress also.

My wife did little things that meant alot to me when we first started liking each other. She baked me brownies. She dropped me a greeting card, and not just for Christmas. One that let me know she wanted to investigate being more than friends.

One day I was visiting a friend that lived just down from where she lived. I didn't know she lived there. As I was leaving my friends, she saw me and walked out the driveway to say hi to me.

This was actually the first time we spoke outside of work (and before the brownies and cards). I stopped and we started chatting. She finally asked me why I hadn't called her, as she knew I seemed to like her, and as she was my customer I had her phone number.

I explained that from my personal rules, it was inappropriate to for me to use company files to get her phone number to call her with non work related stuff, and that "she" never gave me her number directly and never "told me" it was ok to call her.

At that point she rectified that. She told me she liked me, and told me she wanted me to call her.

The point to all of this is, that some guys will find someone they like as a friend, but are just ever so slightly shy, and so they don't ask the girl for anything more.

You might want to just bake him some brownies too and tell him it was just because you were thinking of him.

It's that little thing he might just need from you to help him see you want to be more than friends too. And telling him that, in person or in a note, won't hurt iether.