INTP/INFJ derailment discussion

philostam said:
Fi is interesting. Did anyone notice in Fi (dom or aux) users they know, that they really do not know what they want? I don't know, for people who supposedly think so much about what they like/dislike, they can be quite clueless and just floating around.

Either be it in terms of career or in terms or relationship. I had an INFP ex, who had ESTJ, INTP and ENFJ boyfriends in the last 3 years, That's quite a wide array of different personalities. It was really obvious to everyone that INFP-ESTJ relationship would not last, and that's how it proved at the end.

I think INFJs know much better what they want, at least in terms of relationships. So I would almost attribute "knowing what you want" to Ni. This is because Ni can future pace and do detached mental experiments, while Fi is too caught up in the moment/feelings.

INFPs seem to operate with a time-lag. It takes them a lot of time to realise certain things, when it's quite obvious to others.

Again, my limited sample size etc.
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Coming from an Fe, cute..
 
Maikl Jexocuha said:
I miss my past INTP friends and girlfriend. I think they have the most beautiful personality.
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Why is that?

I think one underappreciated aspect of INTP/INFJ pairing is also the Se PoLR/Se inferior.

I've noticed that INFJ can have a little ESTP hidden inside and can enjoy being a bit more commanding/direct/aggressive. But at the same time they don't feel bringing this out against an actual Se user, who would undoubtedly dominate in this aspect. So who better to bring it out against than poor little INXPs that can take everything and have great difficulties letting themselves become angry? Therefore INFJ can fulfill their Se desire to assert in a safe way.
 
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I have been a bit frustrated with my INFJ lately. Nothing major, but we disagree a lot. Few things I noticed about her (might not be representative of all INFJs):

- She values "spiritual" life more than me. I am more pragmatic. She always likes the defend the position that world is losing it's soul, how everything is becommimg about money etc etc. The typical stuff. While I don't disagree with that, I also don't care that much. For example, I have no issues with "oligarchs" from the Middle East buying football teams in the UK for the purposes of sports washing. The quality of football has improved and that's good for me. I wouldn't change it for idilic 1970 football with no money.

- Related to that, she is very anti-West. We are both from Central Europe, but I am more Western and she is more Eastern. Her favorite countries are Poland and Russia. This sounds silly. but her anti-West narrative really annoys me. I feel am more balanced and see strenghts and weakness of the West. We cannot even agree to watch a movie, because she would very rarely agree to watch a Western movie. It's just silly. The only thing we can agree to watch is Anime (she is a big fan of Asian countries).

- I am more pragmatic about my decisions. I would never sacrifice my comfort for a higher ideal. Patriotism doesn't mean a thing to me. I would move aborad if I could improve my life there - she would prefer to stay in her "homeland" and help the country grow, even if it means she would be worse off.

There is more, but those are main things I can think of now.

Just venting a bit.
 
philostam said:
Related to that, she is very anti-West. We are both from Central Europe, but I am more Western and she is more Eastern. Her favorite countries are Poland and Russia. This sounds silly. but her anti-West narrative really annoys me. I feel am more balanced and see strenghts and weakness of the West. We cannot even agree to watch a movie, because she would very rarely agree to watch a Western movie. It's just silly.
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Sounds very Fi. Not a very INFJ thing at all.

INFJs are pretty accommodating, they would rarely take a hard line like that, and might even keep their opinions under wraps to preserve the peace.
 
Yes, her Fi is very strong.

I might have exaggarated a bit. She would agree to watch, but it takes a lot of convincing on my part. We did watch a lot of American shows together (including Mad Men, which is her favoruite show ever) but she is always reluctant to start.
 
Ren said:
Sounds very Fi. Not a very INFJ thing at all.
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But yes, this is also why I became convinced by the hidden strength of 6th function. I know that it doesn't have any bearing in Jung.

Obviously I don't know any other INFJs in real life (not that well, anyway), but I do know some ISFJs. They show the same tendency for very strong convictions, although they are a bit more meek and can be convinced easier (due to Ne).

Ni - Ti is as stubborn as it can get. You cannot argue with it, especially if it's fueled with Fi.

Anyway, could be just this particular INFJ. There are too many variables to create a good model.
 
Maikl Jexocuha said:
I agree Ni-Ti can be pretty stubborn. But what if an INFJ actually turned out to be right in the end? Is that stubborn or just being right?

I wonder about that a lot. A lot of types don't want INFJs to be right. They want us to be(and like it best) dumb and nice. Never right ...or at least not right first.
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Well, I cannot speak for others, but I have no problem with INFJ being right. I try to admit when she is right and not just argue for the sake of it.

When you debate, you gotta give the other party the satisfaction of knowing that they are right. There has to be an argument that is so good, that the opposing party will grant you a point. There has to be this final goal.

I see debating as a game, and every game has rules. Also, both parties must enjoy the game. If I debate and the other person never back down or re-evaluates their position, then it's simply not much fun.
 
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