[INFJ] Irony: INFJ's not taken seriously because of their stability

[blueflame]

HAD to make this post because it has been eating at me for several months and I also wanted to see if this is a common INFJ issue:

Some people in my life treat me in a condescending matter as if I am a lazy, hopeless, unmotivated, or lost-in-life individual because I am not as vocal as they are when they become displeased with a situation. Most of the time I have a laid back demeanor and refuse to freak out or complain non stop about things I cannot change unlike some people. I then get accused of being fearful of change when I am in reality all for needed change and progress, but only if it is real and not purely superficial. The "grass is greener on the other side" "chase a dollar" "do miles of work to move an inch" way of thinking is certainly not me because I am not impulsive especially if I do not have all the necessary details but one person in particular is bugging the hell out of me because they always expect me to just pull the trigger. I only want to invest time and energy in things that are meaningful to me in some way. I won't change jobs two or three times because I will get two dollars more unless I really want that job, I also won't "pick any job" because it sounds interesting to someone else but also because I am not desperate. People always ask you what are your goals and what is your game plan but I am an adult with a degree not in the stage where I need that type of guidance especially since plans don't work anyway.

Do you find yourself as an INFJ misunderstood or negatively judged because of the pace at which you live your life? Were you ever told by anyone that you "were not where you should be at this point in life" or that in spite of all the work you do and have done "you need to step it up" "Get on it" etc.?

 

[invisible]

Onion: Conversations Pretty Limited When Friend Not In Midst Of Crisis

I have not really been accused of failing to step it up in the way you describe, but I am familiar with the unquenchable thirst for instability from which some people suffer.

 

[invisible]

Actually I'm glad you posted this. I've maybe been just slightly afflicted by a sense that I must be "boring". Well, maybe I am boring, lol. But at least I feel less like it after what you wrote.

 

[blueflame]

LOL! I love the onion, only discovered it recently though. Yeah we can get a rap I guess that makes us feel boring but I wasn't even really feeling boring as much as I was feeling insulted by the fact that a person would think they could tell me I wasn't where I should be at any point in my life or that I needed to step it up. Step what up? Be where in my life? Who thinks they get to make that decision for someone else! All because if someone doesn't like their job they complain and talk about leaving all the time and I don't. So instantly I get accused of not being motivated or suffering from arrested development, when really I just don't see the point because complaining doesn't change anything. Seems to me INFJ's find themselves on a bullies target list because of their laid back demeanor, which I find to be an irony. However, being in that position might be the reason behind or brand of humor ala The Onion or the TV show Daria lol. Some people do perceive this as boring but it is most certainly not abnormal in contrast to the neurotic who is doing the accusing.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

HAD to make this post because it has been eating at me for several months and I also wanted to see if this is a common INFJ issue:

Some people in my life treat me in a condescending matter as if I am a lazy, hopeless, unmotivated, or lost-in-life individual because I am not as vocal as they are when they become displeased with a situation. Most of the time I have a laid back demeanor and refuse to freak out or complain non stop about things I cannot change unlike some people. I then get accused of being fearful of change when I am in reality all for needed change and progress, but only if it is real and not purely superficial. The "grass is greener on the other side" "chase a dollar" "do miles of work to move an inch" way of thinking is certainly not me because I am not impulsive especially if I do not have all the necessary details but one person in particular is bugging the hell out of me because they always expect me to just pull the trigger. I only want to invest time and energy in things that are meaningful to me in some way. I won't change jobs two or three times because I will get two dollars more unless I really want that job, I also won't "pick any job" because it sounds interesting to someone else but also because I am not desperate. People always ask you what are your goals and what is your game plan but I am an adult with a degree not in the stage where I need that type of guidance especially since plans don't work anyway.

Do you find yourself as an INFJ misunderstood or negatively judged because of the pace at which you live your life? Were you ever told by anyone that you "were not where you should be at this point in life" or that in spite of all the work you do and have done "you need to step it up" "Get on it" etc.?

I was always being told to slow down. Hahaha.

It might be more about INFJ's setting their own agendas/priorities and being egregious in certain circumstances.

Onion:

Conversations Pretty Limited When Friend Not In Midst Of Crisis

I have not really been accused of failing to step it up in the way you describe, but I am familiar with the unquenchable thirst for instability from which some people suffer.

Onion news reminds me of a spoof religion news site called "Eye of the Tiber."

 

[Mungbean]

Do you find yourself as an INFJ misunderstood or negatively judged because of the pace at which you live your life? Were you ever told by anyone that you "were not where you should be at this point in life" or that in spite of all the work you do and have done "you need to step it up" "Get on it" etc.?

Holy crap! Yes! This is exactly me! I am having this very conflict with my parents right now. I have been working for a long time but I've gotten this exact criticism from them continually since I was a teenager. Particularly your comment about "not being where I should be at this point in life". I have huge trouble trying to get them to respect that I need to do work that is meaningful and contributes something positive to the wider community rather than earn me status symbols and titles and large amounts of cash. They think I should be an ambitious go-getter in a "look after number one" way. They don't think it's even important whether I like what I do either so long as it makes me rich. I am also quite a sensitive person so prefer to work in small businesses with people I get on well with and not have conflict around me. They feel this is weak somehow and that I should be able to handle any environment.

I feel the same way as you. Who has the right to tell someone they aren't "enough" for wanting to do something meaningful and help others or work with nice people?

 

[jimtaylor]

Yes and no. I gave the chaos a try and guess what, it was pretty chaotic... who woulda thunk it? I stepped out of my comfort zone of planning, having my bases covered and being cautious and it was both terrible and fantastic. I had fun but I would rather be boring, consistent, steady and reliable while watching Game of Thrones and going to bed at 10pm knowing I have work at my "boring" auditor job the next morning. It fits me well and I am good at it. I am happy, self-sufficient and able to do some fun things like go on vacations to places I want to go. I am going to where I want to go and I am going at my speed and I am having a good time doing it. Who cares if I stop to smell the roses now and again? People often have the best intentions for us and what they think we should be doing but ultimately, they aren't responsible for our choices, we are and so we might as well make the choices we want to make.

 

[ThomasJ79]

I've been told that someone needs to light a fire under my feet, in which I reminded them that witch burning is no longer in vogue ;P

I'm usually not very spontaneous and can endure very long periods of nothing all too exciting. I kind of enjoy just thinking about things and as long as I have something to contemplate, I seem to be pretty content. I like my soft routines with some minor variation. So, I agree with what you wrote. I'm pretty comfortably stable.

 

[blueflame]

People often have the best intentions for us and what they think we should be doing but ultimately, they aren't responsible for our choices, we are and so we might as well make the choices we want to make.

To expand on this, I would like them to be reminded that the first thing most people say when they push you to do something and it doesn't go well is "It was your choice, you didn't have to do xyz...." not "well it's partially my fault because I insisted or made the suggestion" therefore they can politely keep their suggestions to themselves until the day comes that they want to take credit for the suggestion as well as the responsibility of the outcome.

 

[blueflame]

prefer to work in small businesses with people I get on well with and not have conflict around me. They feel this is weak somehow and that I should be able to handle any environment.

I believe the saying is don't mistake my kindness for weakness
Introverts are seen as inferior because of the lack of "gorilla chest beating and cheetah tree peeing" tactics that serve others well. They think we have no will power...but that's only because they don't know what we're thinking lol

 

[Mungbean]

I believe the saying is don't mistake my kindness for weakness
Introverts are seen as inferior because of the lack of "gorilla chest beating and cheetah tree peeing" tactics that serve others well. They think we have no will power...but that's only because they don't know what we're thinking lol

Yes. I think also they think I should be able to use power to organise things to my advantage in a Te way and not care about the effect on others or myself. I.e don't be sensitive, just get stuff done. But I think a sensitive person has a lot to offer a team. I like to protect mine from unnecessary stress for instance.

 

[Trifoilum]

Yes and no.

I've been experiencing all side of the conundrum and atm it's the 'eh, it might not be much, but I actually enjoy what it gives?' phase.

Cannot judge for now, however.

 

[Scientia]

I have always been driven to achieve but I set my own goals and they weren't always in line with what other people thought I should be doing. I got a lot of feedback on those and it wasn't that I needed to step things up but was more like why are you working so hard at x when you should be doing y?

The bottom line is that if you find something you value, you can get paid for doing it and you think it's worth doing, do it. Reality is that you do need to find a way to support yourself while you find yourself.

 

[writerinchief]

Some people in my life treat me in a condescending matter as if I am a lazy, hopeless, unmotivated, or lost-in-life individual because I am not as vocal as they are when they become displeased with a situation. Most of the time I have a laid back demeanor and refuse to freak out or complain non stop about things I cannot change unlike some people. I then get accused of being fearful of change when I am in reality all for needed change and progress, but only if it is real and not purely superficial.

Yes! I completely understand your plight. This is me in my history classroom and to a slightly lesser extent, in the newsroom. It's incredibly bone-crushing and mind-numbing. I'm always tired and weary afterwards.

 

[Pyrrhula]

I can relate to those who want to enjoy their jobs and aren't bothered about money. I've always been very ambitious but, for the greater good!

I've been accused of lacking in enthusiasm. I don't shout and scream like others do. Don't get me wrong, I'm great fun, but I do seem to a have a poker face, as well as a resting bitch face! Extroverts, especially, find this confusing and even annoying at times.

The problem is, we have rich inner worlds and we spend a lot of time there. I've been told by a lot of people (mainly family and boyfriends) that I suddenly get a look on my face, which means I've "gone"