Is it hard to stay with an INFJ?
- Thread starter grt$5vb
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It's good – we're both quiet and value our alone time which is really important but we're different enough to keep it interesting. In my past relationship with someone who has tested as INFP I felt like he was a little bit too sensitive (just like me
) which made things hard – he always seemed to take my need for alone time as a personal insult, which was really frustrating. It's hard to know what is type and what is individual personality, since i'm not really into typology very much. But all I know is that my current INFP/INFJ relationship is awesome 
Super good info, @
Aww, but there-in lies the charm.
P.S. Have you dated one... and what's so great about reality anyway? You said we make our own.
I have learnt to put aside my righteous feelings - Ni can be wrong, especially it isn't introduced to more experiences (stagnation) - and consider the communication differences between me and the other. It shocked me at first when I realized a very large amount of my communication was unspoken and implied, as though he should intuitively understand everything I said and the smallest movement of my body. That doesn't work very well; people are not mind-readers. Be clear, vocalize without scorching. Do not let expectations for each other remain intangible, get them out in the open where they can be molded into a bond that will hold strong. I touched on this in another post about friendship: it doesn't matter who was "right" or "wrong", pointing fingers doesn't solve problems. It is quite possible to be respectful and reconciling while maintaining personal boundaries. Lrn2comunikeight.
My place in the world can easily be shared with another, helping others through whatever medium is not a secret society. Humanity really is too vast for singularity and "being unique"; ideas and problems stay the same at heart, just getting more complex as more options become available. That is tangential though, my apologies. I will expect someone else to accept me as I am, who I am, why I am, and what I am once I have figured it out myself. The world is big enough to share with someone else and wild enough to learn something new in doing so. If a relationship works, great! Both sides accept and are complements for each other. If it doesn't, just as good. Life doesn't owe us anything, expecting to be pleased simply because we feel we deserve it is absurd. Life ain't no crystal stair, after all. Gotta work for it and discard the unfit, jagged pieces of the self. That, I believe, is love.
Hope this post isn't too offensive to anyone or overly tangential. I swear I'm trying to get better...
I have learned to pick a mate who I feel I will never figure all the way out. Someone who keeps surprising me, and gives me new things to uncover, and ponder over. I want to know them well, but never solve the puzzle. I need them to be consistent, yet unpredictable, lol. Oh, man...
It irritates my wife to no end when she finds out something I haven't mentioned in the past...
I know I'm a pain in the ass. It's like I'm riding a rollar-coaster and my ISTJ husband is standing on the ground watching me. So often he tells me ... "You are so busy trying to find the meaning of life, that you forget your are living it right now." I can't say I disagree.
I'm not too stubborn. The husband and I have had to change many of our ways to meet on mutual ground. It's not the "natural inclination", but it's what we do to make things work. You have to be flexible in a marriage. Surface issues are a piece of cake ... emotional issues, ugh. Don't get me started. I can understand the ST, but there is no way anyone can make him understand the NF. The empathy ability is just not there.
I'm not too stubborn. The husband and I have had to change many of our ways to meet on mutual ground. It's not the "natural inclination", but it's what we do to make things work. You have to be flexible in a marriage. Surface issues are a piece of cake ... emotional issues, ugh. Don't get me started. I can understand the ST, but there is no way anyone can make him understand the NF. The empathy ability is just not there.
If the INFJ is heavy in their Fe and prone to negativity, it can be draining on certain types (especially XXTJs). However, INFJs are typically credited with being one of the best performing types in relationships and marriage for others (because we place such high value on such relationships). The problem is more likely to be that the INFJ finds the situation unsatisfactory because they have such high expectations for the relationship, and as a result they will become dissatisfied. INFJs supposedly have the highest marriage dissatisfaction rate out of any type.
So I would say it can be hard to be with INFJs, but it is more likely that the INFJ will find it hard to be with the other person.
So I would say it can be hard to be with INFJs, but it is more likely that the INFJ will find it hard to be with the other person.
I'm going through a divorce right now, we've been separated for a year now, so we have another year to go before divorce. I was deeply in love with her, we were together for 9 years. I was the emotional and rational one in the relationship, she was cold,uncaring and unsporting. Both set of my grandparents passed away within 18 months of each other, my mothers parents died within 4 days of each other.
Not once did she offer physical or emotional support, she hugged me once and that was it. Needless to say, this was the last straw. I cannot now conceive how a human being cannot show compassion towards their life partner, the concept seems illogical and a complete mistake on the part of Evolution and I wonder why these types of people are actually here, there is obviously a reason why they are, I just haven't figured it out yet.
Not once did she offer physical or emotional support, she hugged me once and that was it. Needless to say, this was the last straw. I cannot now conceive how a human being cannot show compassion towards their life partner, the concept seems illogical and a complete mistake on the part of Evolution and I wonder why these types of people are actually here, there is obviously a reason why they are, I just haven't figured it out yet.
Most people leave me because they can't deal with my crazy feeler/thinker complex/dichotomy/etc.
One moment, I can be "touchy-feely" and the next, as if I am a robot. They don't understand that I can call them out on their B.S, and it makes them uncomfortable when I do it. And lastly, they always say that I don't show enough love for them, but in reality, I am a deeply loving and compassionate person. It just takes a while for me to really "show" it, and when I am at the level where I am comfortable enough to show it full force, he will get scared and run away because he can't reciprocate it.
Like others above have already stated, we have our ideals of what we want in a relationship, and more often than not, we have to constantly compromise them.
I also have the issue that [MENTION=4196]Spailpin[/MENTION] mentioned; when I grow bored of you, and you don't stimulate me anymore, then we're as good as done.
One moment, I can be "touchy-feely" and the next, as if I am a robot. They don't understand that I can call them out on their B.S, and it makes them uncomfortable when I do it. And lastly, they always say that I don't show enough love for them, but in reality, I am a deeply loving and compassionate person. It just takes a while for me to really "show" it, and when I am at the level where I am comfortable enough to show it full force, he will get scared and run away because he can't reciprocate it.
Like others above have already stated, we have our ideals of what we want in a relationship, and more often than not, we have to constantly compromise them.
I also have the issue that [MENTION=4196]Spailpin[/MENTION] mentioned; when I grow bored of you, and you don't stimulate me anymore, then we're as good as done.