Is it important to feel needed?

Gaze

Gaze

Donor
MBTI
INFPishy
Is it important to feel needed? why or why not?


What purpose does it serve for yourself and/or others?


In what ways do you like feeling needed? Whether by friends, family, strangers, significant others, etc.?
 
It is important to me. Service to others, helping where I can, is a great joy of mine. Allowing yourself to need others and be needed in return is opening yourself up to good action driven by compassion much as allowing yourself to be loved and loving others in return does. I also can't think of this question without thinking of my grandmother who lived a life of service to my grandfather before he passed away. And when he was gone and nobody needed her she felt alone, and what contributions she could give not seen as worthwhile. Seeing how not being needed made her feel out in the cold and alone, without a purpose in life, I see being needed and needing others also something that drives interconnectedness between people, and a sense of belonging.
 
No, it isn't important for me to be needed by anybody.

My mother always said that there were givers and there were takers, and we were givers. To me, saying you want to be needed implies this sense that you are doing things for others with a motive in mind. I don't know why that is, but it does.

I would love to be free of the responsibilites of my life and put down the reins for awhile and go somewhere where nobody needed anything from me but that isn't what life is about. I do because I choose to and because it is the right thing to do. One of my favorite quotes is Duty is heavy as a mountain, death is light as a feather.

Society in general has a such a screwed up ideal about what we value, who we define our heros to be. My father is my hero because without acclaim or screaming crowds, he went to work everyday to provide for us. I can't stand the idea of people like Beckam or Jordan or whatever crappy sports person is out there being called heroes. Life is difficult and choosing to do what is right without the fanfare or notice of others is a quiet type of heroism that we overlook. It isn't about wanting to be needed but understanding and accepting that you are needed.
 
Praefect said:
It is important to me. Service to others, helping where I can, is a great joy of mine. Allowing yourself to need others and be needed in return is opening yourself up to good action driven by compassion much as allowing yourself to be loved and loving others in return does. I also can't think of this question without thinking of my grandmother who lived a life of service to my grandfather before he passed away. And when he was gone and nobody needed her she felt alone, and what contributions she could give not seen as worthwhile. Seeing how not being needed made her feel out in the cold and alone, without a purpose in life, I see being needed and needing others also something that drives interconnectedness between people, and a sense of belonging.
Click to expand...

Wow, you described this perfectly...of my grandmother at least. She is such a warm, giving person that she also led a life serving others. Never for herself, and especially for my grandfather. When he passed away this year, it was very hard on her because she spent so much of her life devoting her whole being to him.

Although, I drew inspiration from always seeing my grandmother so giving, I always thought it was a bit excessive. My own mother agrees with this since she loves her mother dearly---a devotion like this often takes a toll on yourself. I like to believe in balance. But I agree with you that a lot of my happiness is in giving love to others and being loved. Not that it's a transaction. But it's a need for me to love and be loved. Love is just something that I need to feel healthy and of course, it is something I want to devote my whole life to every day that I live.
 
I don't need to be needed, I often resent it when this is the case, except where I have a significant involvement with a person.
 
Sonyab said:
No, it isn't important for me to be needed by anybody.

My mother always said that there were givers and there were takers, and we were givers. To me, saying you want to be needed implies this sense that you are doing things for others with a motive in mind. I don't know why that is, but it does.

I would love to be free of the responsibilites of my life and put down the reins for awhile and go somewhere where nobody needed anything from me but that isn't what life is about. I do because I choose to and because it is the right thing to do. One of my favorite quotes is Duty is heavy as a mountain, death is light as a feather.

Society in general has a such a screwed up ideal about what we value, who we define our heros to be. My father is my hero because without acclaim or screaming crowds, he went to work everyday to provide for us. I can't stand the idea of people like Beckam or Jordan or whatever crappy sports person is out there being called heroes. Life is difficult and choosing to do what is right without the fanfare or notice of others is a quiet type of heroism that we overlook. It isn't about wanting to be needed but understanding and accepting that you are needed.
Click to expand...

Why is the quiet type of heroism better? Also, why is the quiet type of heroism intrinsically missing from every sports star. I'm pretty sure quite a few "crappy sports [people]" had it tough and had to choose to do what's right to even make it big. Life is difficult and I would wager it'd be a harder if you had to make a choice and then have millions of people chastise you for your mistakes. Blemishes and stains last longer on your reputation than anything else.

I want to be needed but I don't think I'll necessarily open myself up to anyone anytime soon. It's not exactly about being needed in the sense that I'm actually the one person who holds power or anything like that. Just knowing that my existence matters is all that I would like. I've seen others with the same drive who go to far, it's quite interesting. They try to improve themselves to become the best person so therefore their friends will love them the most, they also tend to have this faux selflessness as well.
 
I guess because I don't consider it heroic to learn how to shoot a basketball well or a kick a soccer ball. Talent is one thing but it does not make one heroic. My point being that my definition of need relates directly to this idea that life is about the quiet, everyday choices we make, that generally come without adulation. "Look he got up at 5:00am every morning and went to work" vs. "He kicks, he scores!!" While it is true that "celebrities" are often in the spotlight and reports are made about them, that doesn't really have much to do with the argument. One would have to suppose that a vast majority are affected by such coverage rather than just merely curious about the intimate details of some such and such lives (if that, bleh). One would propose that given the current social climate that such intrusion would be construed as a result of the choices said individuals made.
 
There are those out there that actually can digress if the feeling of being needed wanders away.
 
Sonyab said:
I guess because I don't consider it heroic to learn how to shoot a basketball well or a kick a soccer ball. Talent is one thing but it does not make one heroic. My point being that my definition of need relates directly to this idea that life is about the quiet, everyday choices we make, that generally come without adulation. "Look he got up at 5:00am every morning and went to work" vs. "He kicks, he scores!!" While it is true that "celebrities" are often in the spotlight and reports are made about them, that doesn't really have much to do with the argument. One would have to suppose that a vast majority are affected by such coverage rather than just merely curious about the intimate details of some such and such lives (if that, bleh). One would propose that given the current social climate that such intrusion would be construed as a result of the choices said individuals made.
Click to expand...

Talent, by itself, does not == skill. Talent, by itself, is just talent. Everyone has to put in some effort and, from what I hear, it takes more than being able to shoot/kick a ball to play on a national/collegiate level. Ah, I see. Hmm. I'm pretty much thinking about before most sports stars get famous and, quite frankly, I don't pay attention to sports so I may be completely wrong but if a now famous soccer player got up at 5:00 to go to work to pay for his various soccer things and his family, would that make him heroic? Now, if that situation changed and he got up at 5 am to just play his favorite sport of choice, that would change how heroic he is? Unless I'm mistaken, and I may well be, I don't think every sports star makes a decision based on how he/she will be perceived to the public but, if they do, I would think it's quite a bit harder to live life when everyone is judging you. I think it would definitely be hard to make the right decision. If you don't, I think it's hard to (potentially) see yourself slammed on television for every personal choice you make; I personally think that would be a hard thing to constantly deal with, especially when the right decision for the individual star isn't the right decision for the public. One could suggest that the results of becoming a super star is someone invading your privacy and, realistically speaking, that's true but that doesn't make it right.
 
Feeling needed in many ways is what makes up the human nature, the need for other people and the need to feel appreciated and loved. The purpose that it serves for me is that it inspires and encourages me. I like feeling needed to find a solution for a problem and being credited for it.
 
In my experience, for my own person, it is not important to feel needed.

It feels like a burden to me.

It's a nice feeling to be wanted though.


cheers,
Ian
 
Yes, it's important to me that I feel needed. Without this being satisfied in any sort of relationship I don't feel like I have anything to offer them at all and I tire of the relationship easily. Honestly it doesn't bother me that I married a man who is autistic, has Tourette's syndrome, panic attacks, and lupus. I know that he needs me and I am satisfied because of it.

I could not stand being in a relationship with a man who could stand on his own two feet without me. Those kind bore me and it seems that they don't need a wife for anything other than sex.
 
NiennaLadyOfTears said:
I could not stand being in a relationship with a man who could stand on his own two feet without me. Those kind bore me and it seems that they don't need a wife for anything other than sex.
Click to expand...

Uhm....there's a difference between needing someone and complete dependency. I also have no idea why you think that an independent man would only be needing you for sex.
 
Yes.
Not for every one.
I realised that I am better whene I am needed by someone else than whene I feel need for someone. Same is with helping. I am good when I gave help someone, but I am sometimes lost whene I have to ask for help. I consider this as my problem who needs work. Equally is unhealthy being too depend on someone and being scared of being depended.
 
It is important fro me to feel needed.
Especially with my family, when they call me selfish, I get really ofended, and think that I'm useless.
But you know, sometimes people say things that they don't mean.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top