Is it tough to be YOU?

[Wyst]

Agreed, and this plays back to an INFJs need for authenticity. If the spark/attraction/whathaveyou isn't there, going forward anyways is disingenuous... a deceit. And deceit is a turnoff, too.

Exactly.

 

[Gaze]

I did say 'tally' =P I simply suspect a trend; there are always outliers.

For a second here I thought I was back on the INTJ website.....
To poll or not to poll, that is the question??

Poll added.

 

[Billy]

Perhaps I am deflecting. But so did you.
Does routine equate to an act or a little number you do?

Pickiness may have something to do with it but if the spark isn't there, the spark isn't there. I'm not going to start a relationship out of convenience or base loneliness.

Sometimes being over-picky means looking for something of perfection, heres a hint, perfection doesn't exist.

 

[Billy]

Agreed, and this plays back to an INFJs need for authenticity. If the spark/attraction/whathaveyou isn't there, going forward anyways is disingenuous... a deceit. And deceit is a turnoff, too.

Depends again on what the person is looking for. I have seen people walk away from "the spark" because the spark wasn't enough in their ridiculous views of what love and relationships was supposed to be.

 

[The Jester]

I voted no.

 

[Wyst]

Sometimes being over-picky means looking for something of perfection, heres a hint, perfection doesn't exist.

I've answered your questions, so when you're through deflecting, let me know what the 'nice guy routine' thing meant.

 

[~jet]

Well, I dunno; it IS true perfection doesn't exist... but when you REALLY like someone, their imperfections are practically adorable anyways... so it's kind of a moot point.

 

[Billy]

I've answered your questions, so when you're through deflecting, let me know what the 'nice guy routine' thing meant.

Your question is irrelevant to the topic at hand. Why dont you list what a woman would require in your view for there to be a spark, be as specific as you want to be. Also, be specific about how you want them to look etc too, there are multiple layers to synchronicity in relationship other then just personality, like achievements/goals/ambition and looks and sexual chemistry.

 

[Billy]

Well, I dunno; it IS true perfection doesn't exist... but when you REALLY like someone, their imperfections are practically adorable anyways... so it's kind of a moot point.

imperfection implies that the rest of them is perfect, again, not true. There are only varying degrees of habits and customs. What is important is how well it meshes with someone else. My ex girlfriend was excruciatingly materialistic, there was nothing adorable about it.

 

[Wyst]

Your question is irrelevant to the topic at hand. Why dont you list what a woman would require in your view for there to be a spark, be as specific as you want to be. Also, be specific about how you want them to look etc too, there are multiple layers to synchronicity in relationship other then just personality, like achievements/goals/ambition and looks and sexual chemistry.

I see no point in continuing to explain myself if you won't explain yourself.
/conversation

 

[Billy]

There is no point to explaining myself, I voted no, that my life is not tough.

Furthermore here is the definiton for routine:

–noun
1.
a customary or regular course of procedure.

Now then, if you are done deflecting and playing semantics we can address what you feel is the right woman for you who would encourage you to take the plunge.

 

[KorJax]

Not in an overly obnoxious way but rather because it doesn't logically make any sense to worry about what others think--useless and a waste of energy.

I know this is probably a key difference between INFJ and INTJ and is completely unavoidable but from my perspective this line of thinking always felt very wrong to me, and I always thought of it as a crutch (as it is easier to completly block out an entire part of you vs. not having a clear boundary).

In my eyes, what other people think is very important and makes you a more approachable, interesting and dynamic person over all. And more importantly I feel like it gives you the gift of having an open mind (and heart) which is key when gaining knowledge and new ideas with others (and allows you to give your knowledge). This can create powerful and interesting dynamics.

The problem is, are the people who are out to actively hurt you are are toxic to what keeps you going and your values. People who clearly are not out there to try and help out and are only in it for maximum personal gain in the way that they will actively be the ones to screw you over for themselves. Basically people who just are a bad influence to be around - those are the people who you should ignore and blow off.

There's a key difference though between the above and a friend/stranger who is giving you legitimate constructive critisisim because he/she wants to be helpful to you.

I just feel like the "who cares what other people think" attitude as a whole is the #1 source of why friend/relationship/colleague issues happen, because people often apply that line of thinking as a way of life instead of a case-by-case basis "as it should be".

Again though this is from the perspective of an INFJ, so I value the integrity of my relations and understanding of people as a whole much more than your average person.

 

[TinyBubbles]

I just want to add to the thread that I don't believe life is meant inherently to be tough for people, or that it helps them to improve, or that this aspect of life will never change. As we can see that toughness is relative - the struggle of some is easy for others, and vice-versa - the absurdity that most people struggle is for the most part due to inefficient matchings and groupings. People push each other on the weak spots, still too much. I am quite certain this will improve over time; it's already improved a lot.

I agree

 

[Billy]

I think what Sonyab was getting at when she said that was not to base your emotional fragilities on what other people think, of course what other people think is important, to consider. But not to base your life off of.

 

[Gaze]

I know this is probably a key difference between INFJ and INTJ and is completely unavoidable but from my perspective this line of thinking always felt very wrong to me, and I always thought of it as a crutch (as it is easier to completly block out an entire part of you vs. not having a clear boundary).

In my eyes, what other people think is very important and makes you a more approachable, interesting and dynamic person over all. And more importantly I feel like it gives you the gift of having an open mind (and heart) which is key when gaining knowledge and new ideas with others (and allows you to give your knowledge). This can create powerful and interesting dynamics.

The problem is, are the people who are out to actively hurt you are are toxic to what keeps you going and your values. People who clearly are not out there to try and help out and are only in it for maximum personal gain in the way that they will actively be the ones to screw you over for themselves. Basically people who just are a bad influence to be around - those are the people who you should ignore and blow off.

There's a key difference though between the above and a friend/stranger who is giving you legitimate constructive critisisim because he/she wants to be helpful to you.

I just feel like the "who cares what other people think" attitude as a whole is the #1 source of why friend/relationship/colleague issues happen, because people often apply that line of thinking as a way of life instead of a case-by-case basis "as it should be".

Well said.

 

[~jet]

I know this is probably a key difference between INFJ and INTJ and is completely unavoidable but from my perspective this line of thinking always felt very wrong to me, and I always thought of it as a crutch (as it is easier to completly block out an entire part of you vs. not having a clear boundary).

Even from an INFJ perspective, I agree... part of what I do is worry about what people think (or about about how they are overall.) Does that make life tougher on me? Probably... it also makes life more qualitative as well. Sure, you can tune a few bad eggs out but overall, I'd much prefer to be oversensitive than calloused.

 

[Gaze]

Even from an INFJ perspective, I agree... part of what I do is worry about what people think (or about about how they are overall.) Does that make life tougher on me? Probably... it also makes life more qualitative as well. Sure, you can tune a few bad eggs out but overall, I'd much prefer to be oversensitive than calloused.

Agree. I usually feel pretty bad/guilty when i'm rude or dismissive to someone even if it is deserved. There's a sense that i have no right or call to be just as rude. I didn't always feel this way. I think as I get older, I'm realizing it's not a great quality to be insensitive, rude or apathetic.

 

[~jet]

Agree. I usually feel pretty bad/guilty when i'm rude or dismissive to someone even if it is deserved. There's a sense that i have no right or call to be just as rude. I didn't always feel this way. I think as I get older, I realize it's not a great quality.

Sure... and isn't there an element of wanting to be able to come away from such a situation still liking YOURSELF as a person? Sometimes I have to go 'so what if that guy is a ______, I still don't have to be!'

 

[Gaze]

Sure... and isn't there an element of wanting to be able to come away from such a situation still liking YOURSELF as a person? Sometimes I have to go 'so what if that guy is a ______, I still don't have to be!'

Exactly.

 

[TheLastMohican]

I like to think so. But in the broader view of things — no.