This is something that ive been thinking about recently. My daughter is now 4, and my dad would really like to take her to his church.
I am irreligious and think most religious are offensive. But i respect people's right to hold their beliefs and i think that all paths of genuine searching lead us home. There were many positive aspects of going to a church- community, mass group prayer, focus away from materialism, altruism, working with people etc. I would probably consider taking my daughter to all sorts of different religious and spiritual places when she is a bit older. To see the beautiful architecture, feel the power of place, get a feel for what people believe, the community aspect etc. I like Sikh temples in particular. But i dont think that God or spirituality can be really found in a building. God can be appreciated from such a place, but God is obvious and all encompassing in nature. I think that religion is something that separates us from each other and God.
In many ways i am already brainwashing and indoctrinating my child in what i believe. I try not, in most ways, but sometimes it cant be practically helped. My spirituality and my ethics are so central to my life and experience of reality. I do yoga with her most days, and we do meditation together (as well as a child can meditate anyway). I explain to her why we do certain things that her friends do not etc. I teach her self empowerment and self love, and that we are One. She watches me when i do 'magic' and she asks questions, which i try to answer as honestly as possible. I also teach her to think critically, and rather than giving her answers, i encourage her to find her own.
So now my dad wants to take her with him to church..and im a bit stumped. I know that he would try to be gentle, but he is pretty brainwashed and fear driven himself. Religion is very important to him. Sometimes i think, 'whats the harm, how bad can it be?' And other times, i literally cringe...imagining this beautiful innocent carefree creative child being exposed to such harmful and destructive ideas. She is so in tune with her spirit and so connected, i would hate for that to be crushed. I just dont think she is old enough yet, to deal with the darker human fear aspects.
I was about my daughters age when i first learned about the christian concept of hell. I cried for days, i was so horrified and disturbed. I begged 'god' not to punish innocent people forever. I begged 'god' to punish me instead. I couldnt understand why my family would worship and revere something that was so mean and cruel. It was very upsetting. I learned soon enough to free myself of this and think for myself, but it was very hurtful and upsetting at that vulnerable time. Reading bible stories- many made me cry. It was all so confusing. It made me lose respect for my parents, the people that we knew in our lives, and existance itself. As a child, having people i loved and cared about thinking that i was evil just for being honest and asking questions, for these people to try to exorcise me of 'evil' was extremely frightening. I really didnt know what to do, i thought they were crazy! And they thought i was not only crazy, but evil! They didnt understand why i wouldnt be 'healed' depite hours of prayer and exorcism. Eventually i stopped being honest and forced myself to be quiet and go along with them, so that their feelings wouldnt be as hurt.
I dont think that these things will happen to her. And i know that not all religious people are that scary and controlling. But, i dont know if she is ready to be around people that think and preach such fear based things, especailly in a strong 'group think' environment. I dont want her to grow up thinking that people should only do 'good' because they want to go to heaven (get a prize), or avoid going to hell (getting punished). I want her to think for herself, rather than see other people and books of knowledge as an authority to live life by. Ive tried hard to parent her without these concepts. We use mainly positive reinforcement, self awareness, personal responsibility, honest open dialogue, observational learning and unconditional love as our guiding and parenting prinicples. I dont smack her, and i try very hard to not yell at her in anger or frustration.
So im not sure what i'll do. I could try going with dad as well, so i could make sure it doesnt get ugly and we focus on the positive aspects. But i dont really want to. Ive been to his church before, and its not that bad compared to others ive been to. Its nice in many ways, lots of lovely people there. But yes, still a lot of fear and conformity being drummed in, as well as calling natural beautiful things sins and evil. I dont want to hurt dad by flat out refusing. What im considering is telling him i'll wait until she's atleast 7 or 8. She will hopefully be less vulnerable and susceptible by then. This is really going to hurt dad though, and i know i have to just deal with it. i hate hurting people, and i know that he is not going to understand at all. He's so afraid we're all going to hell! And he thinks its his fault for not trying hard enough. He even blames himself for my mum's sickness and death so many years ago. I know that this is not my problem and responsibility..its his own perception and feelings...but its still really painful and hard, watching someone you love hurt themselves with such horrible self hating thoughts, especailly someone as beautiful as my dad.
