Jealousy

Res said:
open relationships are not my thing and never will be, and the people i date would clearly know that. It's the partner who likes to sit on the fence who has the issues - the one who says one minute they're in a relationship and committed to being with one person, but who uses people outside the relationship to have needs met which should be met within the relationship they've committed to.
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Yes but I know women who believe things like masturbation are cheating and some people may just simply not be aware of what kind of standards that partner has if these things are never discussed.
 
Res said:
open relationships are not my thing and never will be, and the people i date would clearly know that. It's the partner who likes to sit on the fence who has the issues - the one who says one minute they're in a relationship and committed to being with one person, but who uses people outside the relationship to have needs met which should be met within the relationship they've committed to.
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Sali said:
Yes but I know women who believe things like masturbation are cheating and some people may just simply not be aware of what kind of standards that partner has if these things are never discussed.
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Somewhere the bolded part was lost on you. Be up front if need be.
 
Sali said:
Yes but I know women who believe things like masturbation are cheating and some people may just simply not be aware of what kind of standards that partner has if these things are never discussed.
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who says they're never discussed? Maybe, they are discussed but the person still goes through with it anyway. And in any case, masturbation, imo, is a private thing. Again, the OP is talking about relationships with other people, not private sex acts with the self, which is why i mentioned the nature of the relationship or communication with friends which could affect the couple's relationship
 
Res said:
who says they're never discussed? Maybe, they are discussed but the person still goes through with it anyway. And in any case, masturbation, imo, is a private thing. Again, the OP is talking about relationships with other people, not private sex acts with the self, which is why i mentioned the nature of the relationship or communication with friends which could affect the couple's relationship
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I see, I guess the reason I bring it up is because I've known women who expected the same kind of things as you and never discussed it, it was just assumed. So perhaps I'm basing my opinions too much on personal experience. you're entitled to look for whatever kind of partner best suits you. The potential problem I could see coming up though is that it seems like a very blurry line as to what is expectable communication and what isn't outside of your partner, obviously physical things are obvious but when it comes to conversation how do you draw those lines?
 
If you are in a relationship with someone--would you mind if he or she has many friends of the gender they are attracted to?
Not at all.
It also raises the question, what if someone was bisexual or pansexual? If you said yes to the above question, aren't you basically saying that they shouldn't have any friends, since they're attracted to both genders?

Why or why not?
Because I recognize that there's a difference between friends and a relationship, basically.

Would you consider yourself the "jealous type"?
Yes, though not in this manner. I can be very envious or jealous of many people, but it's not related to relationships or such, it's about them having or being something I'm not.

why or why not?
A ton of insecurity.

Some people would say that jealousy is basicly insecurity--could you contribute a different reasoning for it?
I think that it is most often insecurity, but not always. There can be different reasons for being jealous, however I would say insecurity is the most common one.
 
AlienSpectator said:
I agree with this completely. It's simply not practical to talk about everything with your partner. There are just going to be some issues with which the partner cannot relate. We are human beings and we need to interact with a variety of other human beings. We don't understand everything and we can't satisfy a person's every need. It's a romantic idea to think so but not practical. I also think it ultimately leads to resentment and guilt.

Partners shouldn't keep secrets from each other about important issues but the little things can slide. No one should have to give blow-by-blow accounts of their activities, ideas or feelings unless they want to do that. We are individuals first. Sometimes people need to be open and sometimes they need to retreat. Sometimes they'll become distant and sometimes you'll be closer than ever. It's like the ebb and flow of the tide. To accept it requires trust, not blind faith. Don't be a jail keeper.

I abhor jealousy. Of course, you want to know that your needed and valued but, if you need to chain your partner either, you are with the wrong person or you have issues.

Finally, it isn't cool to share the intimate details of your romantic relationships with others, even if your friends are mutual. It's thoroughly classless in my opinion.
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+1

If you are in a relationship with someone--would you mind if he or she has many friends of the gender they are attracted to?

Nope, btw I have too. XD ( Nvm that I'm attracted too both genders, but I have more girl friends than male ones normally too. I'm not good with boys as friends. )

Why or why not?

Because I neither would want my partner to have such feelings? And yeah, I feel it simply stupid. -_-""

Would you consider yourself the "jealous type"?

Nope.

why or why not?

Some ppl call me naive, but I really trust my partners.

Some people would say that jealousy is basicly insecurity--could you contribute a different reasoning for it?

Not always, but quite often. >_>""
My ex-girlfriend felt herself (actually me too) insecure, and thus started to demand unreasoned things. :|

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And yup, there are things which are better to be discussed with the friends. And I could never understand someone being jealous about things like this. I'm typically talking with my friends when I or they have problems, need to make hard decisions. Not like I wouldn't do with my partner too, but if it's about something that my partner is completely uninterested in, then I might spare it.
It might be although that I really can't understand jealousy. I wasn't even that angry at my gf after she kissed another boy while she was drunk, because I knew she was really sorry because of it. (Although her reaction would be 100% different if I would have done something like that. >_>"")
 
Curiosilla said:
I'm curious to hear your perspectives on this:

If you are in a relationship with someone--would you mind if he or she has many friends of the gender they are attracted to?

Why or why not?

Would you consider yourself the "jealous type"?

why or why not?
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Only as far as I can accept, I believe. The rest enters the realm of compromising and adjusting. And that would depend on so many factors. (On what topic, the person whom my partner's talking to, the overall mood and the style of the conversation, the partner and the friend's personality, the intensity and frequency, the situation and condition of the relationship itself...)
Maybe I'll make a general rule, "Whatever s/he* knows, I should know beforehand, if not afterward."
Also, no platonic sex, whatever that means. :| Pull that "but my heart still belongs to you" bullshit, and watch me leave -- or conveniently forget who you are.

Why? You'll never know people.

I consider myself not jealous, but paranoid.

Why? Again, you'll never know people. Half of it was probably my fault, so convince me.
Some people would say that jealousy is basicly insecurity--could you contribute a different reasoning for it?
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And since when it's wrong to feel insecure? Okay, when you act like a drama queen repeatedly and used your insecurity as an excuse to be or act like one, that's certainly wrong, but since when security and trust becomes something that's taken for granted?

*Depends. I'm gay so my target are exclusively men, but the partner themselves could be bisexual.
 
Curiosilla said:
I'm curious to hear your perspectives on this:

If you are in a relationship with someone--would you mind if he or she has many friends of the gender they are attracted to?

Why or why not?
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I do feel uncomfortable with this, personally.

There is some element of insecurity involved. I have been upfront in my relationship about both my comfort level and the degree to which it is sourced in insecurity. I love the person I am in relationship with and I want his need for friendship to be honored. I have also asked him to be sensitive to my needs, which might include extra reassurances or the need for tighter boundaries on the friendships. We have discussed both sides of the situation and navigated ways we believe we can both be comfortable and have our needs met.

Would you consider yourself the "jealous type"?

why or why not?
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A little, for the reasons noted above, but on the other hand, I am aware of my need and am willing speak openly about it. My sense is that those who would be labeled as jealous might act out from that place of need, but not be speaking about it or acknowledging it openly.

I know from experience that I tend to be insecure at first, but then as I receive more and more information that I will not be hurt, I begin to trust and my need for reassurance or safer boundaries diminishes.

Some people would say that jealousy is basicly insecurity--could you contribute a different reasoning for it?
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I think that it is often sourced in insecurity. I'm not sure true jealousy has another source. I do think that reasonable boundaries based in preferences about the nature of intimacy within primary relationship can be labeled by others as jealousy unfairly when those preferences are more stringent than what someone else might feel comfortable with.
 
If you are in a relationship with someone--would you mind if he or she has many friends of the gender they are attracted to?

Why or why not?

Would you consider yourself the "jealous type"?

why or why not?

Some people would say that jealousy is basicly insecurity--could you contribute a different reasoning for it?
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can I answer yes and no to this question?

I say this because I really don't mind that my husband has many female friends, because I know he's a faithful man. but at the same time there are certain things I do not want him doing with those female friends because I'm not there.
As an example, I do not want them staying at his house when I'm out of the country. I absolutely do not have male friends stay at my house now that I'm married, mainly because the few I have are actually people I've been in a relationship with and have had sex with, so I wouldn't feel comfortable.
and I expect him to abide by the same rules. Recently while I was away in Australia before our wedding my husband allowed a japanese friend to stay at his house and he made the mistake of trying to hide the fact from me, not because he was sleeping with her, but because he knew my reaction would be big. However I caught him out and I was indeed furious. I've had some trouble with him before about hiding facts. he hid the fact that he had 4 children instead of 1 for a while because he thought I wouldn't want to be with him.

I told him I didn't care about the consiquences for her, if he wanted to marry me, he had to send her away right that very moment, or I was canceling my flight.

However I wouldn't have given a damn about her staying had I actually been there, and I probably would have been far more accepting also if he had actually outright told me about it rather than try to hide it from me.

Yes i would say I'm the jealous type, and yes I would say it's born out of insecurety. I've been cheated on before when I was engaged to someone, and this was with several girls at the one time. he led people to believe he was in love with them, which worked until we all actually got together and compared notes.
I'm simply just terrified of having that happen again.
 
There are quite a few responses I'd like to reply to

Ill get to two right now:

Bird said:
Curiosilla, what is your perspective on this?
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If I'm in a relationship with someone--would I mind if he or she has many friends of the gender they are attracted to? Why or why not?

Terecat said:
It also raises the question, what if someone was bisexual or pansexual? If you said yes to the above question, aren't you basically saying that they shouldn't have any friends, since they're attracted to both genders?
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I would answer "si pero no" (yes but no) to my question.

Yes, because like many people have mentioned--their is a sort of insecurity..a slight selfishness.. a wonder..

You see, I don't exactly "know" my partner's friends. "But no," because I do know him--and I trust him. However..you mix the two feelings and it confuses me. If I knew his friends perhaps I might feel more at ease--this is not to say I'd like to get to know all of them either..I would feel strange to do so.

If I put myself in his shoes and turn the situation around I dont think id like that either (having my "girlfriend" needing to befriend my friends in order to calm down her insecurities.) Thats if I was a guy... but on that note--

If I would have answered "yes" to my question that would not mean that I am suggesting my SO should not have any friends. It just means that "Yes I do mind, I am jealous," but It doesn't suggest "fixtures."

What if someone was bisexual or pansexual?

Well, I'm bisexual--If my boyfriend was bisexual..well... hmm that would be intresting. I can't word my perspective on this just yet.


Do I consider myself the "jealous type"? Why or why not:

Yes I am prone to this insanity. I've mentioned a few things above to reason it. I think, ultimately, it's silly though. I wish I wasn't.


Some people would say that jealousy is basicly insecurity--can I contribute a different reasoning for it?

I thought I was able to--but no, I can't--not right now.

[MENTION=2926]Bird[/MENTION] What is your perspective on this?
 
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If you are in a relationship with someone--would you mind if he or she has many friends of the gender they are attracted to? Nope. Go right ahead. I would end a relationship if my partner started to dictate who I could and couldn't be friends with, regardless of gender. If I don't appreciate it I am sure they wouldn't.

Would you consider yourself the "jealous type"?
Nope. Not at all. If I go into a relationship I go with trust. That trust is different in each relationship, though. In monogamous relationships I trust that my partner will be physically faithful. In open relationships, emotionally faithful... so on and so forth. I trust them until they give me a good reason not to. And even if they do the reaction isn't jealousy.

Some people would say that jealousy is basicly insecurity--could you contribute a different reasoning for it?
Seems like a lack of trust and insecurity in a relationship to me.
 
Curiosilla said:
I want you to distinguish the reaction between all of these.
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[MENTION=3755]Curiosilla[/MENTION]

Just a friend means no expressed sexual or romantic interest.

A friend who wants to be more than just a friend is someone who has expressed interest but has been rejected.

Special friends do favors for each other, generally of a sexual nature.
 
If you are in a relationship with someone--would you mind if he or she has many friends of the gender they are attracted to?

No, I wouldn't.

Why or why not?

If she's with me then she has a really good reason to do so so I would trust her. I mean if I can get her excited for me then I wouldn't mind. I would feel it if this would be the case.

Would you consider yourself the "jealous type"?

Depends.

why or why not?

If I'm sure that my partner is going mad for me then I feel assured. It sounds soo naive and easy throughout this questionnaire but I trust my instincts in this matter. I can tell if I have any reason to be jealous.

Some people would say that jealousy is basicly insecurity--could you contribute a different reasoning for it?

Spot on. It arises when you are not sure whether he or she has a crush on you. In other words you are insecure about it.
 
I'm pretty jalous.. not that I don't trust my girlfriend I don't trust all the other people with a penis in the world.
My girlfriend is also jalous but never mad. Me.. Thats a different story..
 
Aleksthegreat said:
I'm pretty jalous.. not that I don't trust my girlfriend I don't trust all the other people with a penis in the world.
My girlfriend is also jalous but never mad. Me.. Thats a different story..
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Baby, you can trust me.

Your orifices are the only ones I want to fill <3
 
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