I'm sorry that you felt that you needed to hide yourself for all these years. It irks me how Society is capable of making the sweetest, most genuine people feel like they're abnormal or undervalued because they don't fit some sort of socially constructed mold. But I'm glad to hear that you're prepared to shed that armor and show the world the real you.
But I’m still projecting that other persona. And when parts of the real me slip out people don’t understand. Good friends will tell me I’m weird, or extreme, or obsessive. It hurts my feelings. The combination of having strong convictions, extreme compassion, and being very sensitive is not a good one.
Hmm. Are you sure it's because they think they consider your authentic traits strange in themselves, or do they consider it weird because they're used to a certain version of you and the traits you're suddenly projecting are inconsistent with what they know about you? That's a rather marked difference, and a very important point to ponder.
Mind, this is a difficult situation to be in. I do not envy you, but I think the other posters are right. If you aren't true to yourself, you're not going to be very happy; you're always going to know that you're putting on a mask, and that mask is all your friends and family know about you. You're not only cheating yourself, you're cheating them out of the opportunity to see what a truly wonderful person you are.
Granted, you're probably going to confuse a lot of people. They might wonder why you've hid your authentic self from them for so long, but this is your opportunity to see who your true friends are. It's never easy to confront issues when you're not certain whether you're going to get everyone's support, but authenticity is important, and obviously you are realizing that about yourself now.
So are these my only two options in life – continue on as I have, portraying myself as a “normal” member of society and hiding my true self; or screw it all and drop the act and be authentic?
Or is there another choice?
That's quite a bit of black and white thinking. You're assuming that your authentic self is 'not normal' because you've hid it for so long, while the act is "normal" because you've already socialized with it and it got you where you are today. Perhaps in the past you weren't ready to deal with society without a bit of armor on, but that doesn't mean that there was essentially anything wrong with who you are.
Then again, two choices are quite the rigid ultimatum. Why not meet in the middle? Take the best of your two personalities and let your identity naturalize. Likely, your "act," as you call it, is probably just as much a part of you as your "authentic" self. We all have our quirks in our personalities; we don't need to split them between 'real' and 'unreal.' Just accept that sometimes we behave differently in different settings and different people.
I think the first place you could try opening up is with your hubby and your family. It's great to hear that you already have a friend that understands your situation, and it's obvious that quite a few of us here on the forums know where you're coming from as well. Chances are, them being your family, they're going to do their best to understand. And once you've got their support, you'll be definitely stronger to confront the rest of the world, one step at a time.
In the meantime, we're here for you.
