Lost my passion...

[Mogura]

I have lost my passion for anything and everything, and I want it back. I suppose the same could be said regarding my drive and motivation, but for the time being I will focus on passion, as if I can get that back then perhaps the others will follow.

I think this is largely the result of my having worked in crappy dead-end jobs in non-supportive, hostile environments for far too long. In places such as that, hope, ambition, critical thinking and creativity are treated as liabilities or frivolous ideals--unappreciated at best and vigorously discouraged at worst.

To deal, or accept the reality of my situation, I've had to "shut down". I thought that I would be able to recover my passion or rediscover my hopes, ambitions, dreams, etc. once I got out of these situations. But it's as if they've left my heart forever. I truly feel that a part of--or perhaps entirely--my soul has died. I really don't care about anything any more.

I should also mention that I was physically and emotionally (verbally) abused while growing up. That's probably where the whole "shutting down" thing started, and now it has become my coping mechanism for dealing with unpleasant--however slight--situations.

Life is full of unpleasant situations (as well as pleasant situations). But I feel it's no good to shut down everytime unpleasantness rears its head. I need to stay positive, engaged, and passionate. But I can't.

I should also mention that when I am at my best (when was the last time that happened?), I am fairly driven and ambitious. Through my actions, I pursue the path of excellence; mediocrity (or the acceptance thereof) incites me.

Have you ever been in a similar situation (where you've lost your passion)? How did you get your passion back?

Thanks...

 

[Trifoilum]

First of all, do you have any idea on what had happened; and what can you do to improve your condition?
Secondly, do you in urgent need of money?
Thirdly, I noticed you put Japan as a location; are you Japanese, or a foreigner working in Japanese? (Or just random putting? XD) Because social condition is also quite important for us, especially if you're an INFJ.

Most of the time I find out that my passion is lost when I kept losing control of my own life. As my responsibilities to myself are taken away by people, I find myself thinking, "then what's the use of my life? Am I just a robot for their purposes and social values? Just a pretty vase in the corner of the room?" So to take it back, I take back my responsibilities.

If I were to put it meta-wise, the advice for you would be:
Shut down your 'shutting down' feature. As in, heal your past wounds, argue against the (memory-created) reason why you'd think shutting down is necessary and a good idea. I'm sorry for your past, and I hope it has ended now, but the past stays in the past. The future, on the other hand, is built from the present.

For INFJs in work, I got a subtle impression (probably biased by my own experience, though) that they work bests like this : "Make your work yours, if it's possible." If possible, find out different perspectives of your work. Take it beyond merely -duty-, merely -responsibility-; make it (part of) your calling. This is why it's like in bred for most INFJs to do work that help people; it's in their nature and calling, mostly.

If you find that hard to do, or you indeed can't stand it, that's alright too. You are human, and you're not bound by whatever people wants you to be. Go. OUT. Find a different job.

 

[Trifoilum]

Oh also, what do you want to be remembered for when you're old?

What do you want to accomplish in 15 years time?

What kind of person do you want to be?

 

[Mogura]

First of all, do you have any idea on what had happened; and what can you do to improve your condition?
Secondly, do you in urgent need of money?
Thirdly, I noticed you put Japan as a location; are you Japanese, or a foreigner working in Japanese? (Or just random putting? XD) Because social condition is also quite important for us, especially if you're an INFJ.

Firstly, I don't know.
Secondly, I'm a frugal squirrel. My financial situation is quite OK (though I won't be buying a yacht and going on an around-the-world cruise any time soon).
Thirdly, I'm a foreigner working in Japan (i.e., I'm not Japanese). I've been living here for several years, so it's not culture shock.

Most of the time I find out that my passion is lost when I kept losing control of my own life. As my responsibilities to myself are taken away by people, I find myself thinking, "then what's the use of my life? Am I just a robot for their purposes and social values? Just a pretty vase in the corner of the room?" So to take it back, I take back my responsibilities.

I can understand that. I suppose I would modify the first statement to say that I lose motivation or momentum or become disallusioned when insurmountable roadblocks are placed between me and my goals.

The feeling is like when you're a 5-year-old kid and you go to an amusement park for the first time. You run to get in line for the go-kart ride. Your chance finally comes up, you get in the go-kart and you grab hold of the steering wheel ready for some fun. But then you realize you're on a track and the steering wheel doesn't really work. It's just for show, and you're forced to move along on the track without any input, influence or control. At that point you're thinking, "WTF? Why even bother?" Life is rigged like that.

Oh also, what do you want to be remembered for when you're old?

What do you want to accomplish in 15 years time?

What kind of person do you want to be?

I hate these type of questions. In my current state of mind (as has been the case for the last couple of years or so), I really do not know the answer to such questions. And even if I did, life's still that fucking go-kart...

 

[Trifoilum]

Firstly, I don't know.
Secondly, I'm a frugal squirrel. My financial situation is quite OK (though I won't be buying a yacht and going on an around-the-world cruise any time soon).
Thirdly, I'm a foreigner working in Japan (i.e., I'm not Japanese). I've been living here for several years, so it's not culture shock.

I think that might be a good start. Write down your thoughts for a week or so, especially when you're down, especially when you're pissed. See if you can notice any patterns.

@EDIT : oh. And write down everything that's bothering you. Write to the very detail.

It might not be culture shock, but possibility of it subtly affected via social positioning seems rather high, directly or not. Does your workplace that bad for everyone, or you're just getting the end of the short stick?

I can understand that. I suppose I would modify the first statement to say that I lose motivation or momentum or become disallusioned when insurmountable roadblocks are placed between me and my goals.

The feeling is like when you're a 5-year-old kid and you go to an amusement park for the first time. You run to get in line for the go-kart ride. Your chance finally comes up, you get in the go-kart and you grab hold of the steering wheel ready for some fun. But then you realize you're on a track and the steering wheel doesn't really work. It's just for show, and you're forced to move along on the track without any input, influence or control. At that point you're thinking, "WTF? Why even bother?" Life is rigged like that.

Well, I guess it's rather true. Of course, someone's gotta make a change about it. >_< Would you want to be in that kind of go-kart ride forever? One thing you must believe is that in the end; you, we, us can make a change about our lives. I might not know much about your life, or how to change it, but I at least know that.

I hate these type of questions. In my current state of mind (as has been the case for the last couple of years or so), I really do not know the answer to such questions. And even if I did, life's still that fucking go-kart...

*hugs*
What kind of work do you have, if I may ask?

 

[invisible]

let go a little and accept your current lack of focus. float around and nurture yourself. take some yoga classes and do some regular exercise. eat more vegetables. have a mental holiday from the idea that you need to achieve and haven't been able to for as long as you can remember. respond to some job advertisements just to go through the application process, without worrying whether you want the job or are qualified for it but just as an experiment to see what might happen. tackle some nagging projects around the house. take yourself out for lunch with a couple of glasses of wine then have a massage afterwards. nourish your emotions and thoughts rather than your drive. give yourself a pedicure. do something different.

 

[sassafras]

Yep. I've been there before. Sometimes a lack of motivation/passion is an underlying symptom of depression. Sometimes it's simply the fact that we feel powerless in our own lives. Given your go-kart analogy, I'd say the latter is definitely in play. The former? I don't know. It might be a good idea to get assessed by a doctor and maybe get a blood test; just in case. Maybe the lack of motivation stems from sluggishness and a lack of energy, which could have many an underlying medical cause.

Invisible and Trifoilium give some handy advice. Yes, its frustrating to think about goals and where you want to go in life when you really, really don't see the point or the merit in setting any... but if you grit your teeth and make some, even if you don't feel 100% dedicated to them, they at least give you a direction and purpose. They don't have to be grand, sweeping goals. They could be small goals. Preferably ones you can finish in a short period of time at first (an hour, a day, a week, etc.) before you progress into larger goals. The key is to pace yourself.

The absolute worst possible thing you can do for yourself in this state of mind is fall into the habit of listlessness and doing nothing. The more you do nothing, the more you want to do nothing. The opposite is true. The more you do, the more you want to do. It's all about getting that momentum going in the right direction--the direction that gets you proactive instead of inactive. As backwards and ridiculous as it sounds, passion and zest for life only come once you've gotten started on a project.

I have wasted seven years of my life hoping that I will wake up one morning and have all my motivation problems resolve themselves; to get visited by the passion fairy. Guess what? It never happened. Passion needs energy to thrive and if you don't have any energy to spare, it's not going to show up on your doorstep.

Start anywhere. Start moving. Do things even if you don't feel like doing them. Do something new, something different. Force yourself to explore new avenues of knowledge and experience. Get some exercise in, eat lots of fruits and vegetables, and avoid processed foods--simple carbs and sugars suck the life right out of you. Whatever you do, though, don't you let yourself give up and give in and spend your days doing what comes easiest: couch potatoing and internet surfing. The sooner you get started, the better; stagnating takes no time at all, but it's a bitch you have to fight tooth and nail to get out of...

Good luck!

 

[not sure]

I have lost my passion for anything and everything

I relate to it all. <sigh> Sometimes, I wonder why I was dealt these cards. Mogura, I've looked high and low for all sorts of solutions to problems and ultimately the wisdom passed down through the ages through idioms cannot be beaten.

Variety is the spice of life. If you are bored or uninspired then life has become predictable. Introduce new experiences and new challenges. Don't let the apathy prevent you from making changes. Eventually the changes will have effect. Take care of your mind, body and spirit. I know the word spirit may trigger off a whole controversy about whether it exists. I'm not talking about ghosts. I'm speaking of that part of you that responds to inspiration. It has to be fed. If you restrict yourself too much or lean towards asceticism your spirit will starve. Taste life.

 

[DimensionX]

I have lost my passion for anything and everything, and I want it back. I suppose the same could be said regarding my drive and motivation, but for the time being I will focus on passion, as if I can get that back then perhaps the others will follow.

I think this is largely the result of my having worked in crappy dead-end jobs in non-supportive, hostile environments for far too long. In places such as that, hope, ambition, critical thinking and creativity are treated as liabilities or frivolous ideals--unappreciated at best and vigorously discouraged at worst.

To deal, or accept the reality of my situation, I've had to "shut down". I thought that I would be able to recover my passion or rediscover my hopes, ambitions, dreams, etc. once I got out of these situations. But it's as if they've left my heart forever. I truly feel that a part of--or perhaps entirely--my soul has died. I really don't care about anything any more.

I should also mention that I was physically and emotionally (verbally) abused while growing up. That's probably where the whole "shutting down" thing started, and now it has become my coping mechanism for dealing with unpleasant--however slight--situations.

Life is full of unpleasant situations (as well as pleasant situations). But I feel it's no good to shut down everytime unpleasantness rears its head. I need to stay positive, engaged, and passionate. But I can't.

I should also mention that when I am at my best (when was the last time that happened?), I am fairly driven and ambitious. Through my actions, I pursue the path of excellence; mediocrity (or the acceptance thereof) incites me.

Have you ever been in a similar situation (where you've lost your passion)? How did you get your passion back?

Thanks...

This has happened to me and when it did my grades took a major hit. I found myself hanging around with similar people so that the apathetic nature was accepted and even encouraged in many ways so it was a very difficult mindset to see out of and look forward from consistently without falling back into lulls.

A few things that tend to happen when you're in this kind of mindset for a long time:

1) You're convinced that you're as able as you were before this happened (that your skills haven't degraded over time)
2) You distract yourself with time guzzling activities be it tv series or games etc.
3) You take on big personal projects and fall in love with the idea of how great they are and maybe start or plan it out a bit but eventually loose momentum and fall back into a lull.
4) You distract yourself with other people's problems, drama stuff that's happening around you becomes the main focus and you're convinced that if you just resolve the conflict that you'll FINALLY be able to get down and focus.
5) You procrastinate on everything, you may think of how long it'll take you and try and leave that amount of time before it's too late.
6) The thought of doing little things are a hassle in itself let alone taking on something bigger which would constantly require attention.

Try not to get trapped in that stuff and keep an eye out for it. Instead write down a couple of things you want to do (for example learn a language) and plan out the time in your day so that you have a chore block and then you do a couple of small things and then you work on part of a long term goal (like an hour learning a little more of the language) and continue doing that kinda stuff, eventually you'll get to know what times you should really eat and you should definitely throw in some daily exercise since it'll increase your energy levels (pretty much do what TDHT said in that regard).

Just keep doing stuff, none of this lazing about shite, keep at it, just laying down does nothing for you and you seriously regret it later on and you may think it's easier said than done which it may seem that but you just keep going for it and you build up momentum and you'll be unstoppable

after a bit see if your old passions still apply because they may do and they may not, try different things, experiment a little and you'll discover new passions : )

JUST KEEP SWIMMING!!!!

 

[invisible]

i think it's ok to be a little listless and do a little nothing.

 

[sassafras]

Well, there's a difference between "a little listless" for a day or so, and doing nothing productive for days. The latter can quickly become a nasty habit.

 

[Nixie]

One phrase that has always stuck with me is: "Find something worthy of passion"

This changes throughout your life I think. The key is "worthy". We can't commit and find our passion unless it stirs that ineffable "something" inside us--that "aha". Look for what you value and find worthy and I think the answers will come if you are truely at a point to re-engage in a life of passion.

 

[toska]

Are you currently engaged in any addictive behaviors to numb your emotions? I know I have problems with binge eating, binge drinking, and excessive internet surfing. Sometimes it helps to just avoid the stimulus for a while.

 

[Mogura]

Are you currently engaged in any addictive behaviors to numb your emotions? I know I have problems with binge eating, binge drinking, and excessive internet surfing. Sometimes it helps to just avoid the stimulus for a while.

No. Should I be?

 

[Mogura]

What kind of work do you have, if I may ask?

IT. I fucking hate it. It's like working in a zoo with social fuckups and retards...

 

[invisible]

Well, there's a difference between "a little listless" for a day or so, and doing nothing productive for days. The latter can quickly become a nasty habit.

i disagree with this. i think it's fine to do nothing productive for a few days or a few weeks or even months or however long it takes to be still and listen to feelings.

there is no need to be constantly doing things and there is nothing nasty about not participating constantly in an endless to-do list. this is an illusion.

i want to describe what i am trying to say in terms of anecdotes. i do not intend this for any kind of emotional shock value, or to get sympathy votes or any such thing, just to illustrate what i am trying to say. as a child my mother was sexually abused for a number of years in ways that impacted on her permanently. growing up my memories of my mother are of her being in constant activity, working in her employment and also doing many other very productive projects and activities. unfortunately my mother was an emotional mess and routinely expressing extreme rage, breaking things, threatening my father with knives, lying to us to get her way, bursting into tears and yelling daily, and so on. all of these activities got my mother nowhere. it is only since she took time to be still and sort through all of her feelings that she has become more stable and gained some measure of peace and balance in her work and personal life, and more healthy relationships with herself and others.

in my late teen years i developed a severe mental illness that broke up my life. i became very productive before my first hospitalisation. i was very very active, running around and doing things. i went walking for whole days, i studied up on a number of subjects that were totally unimportant, i did radical backyard renovation and housework projects that exhausted me completely. still, i could only sleep for 3 hours a night, and finally i had a complete breakdown and was admitted to hospital as an emergency case. i was basically interrupted in the process of killing myself and my doctor told me that if i did not agree to be driven to hospital by my mother that she would have the police drive me to hospital and they would surveillance me for 48 hours. all of this vigorous activity achieved nothing for me. getting better has been a process of allowing myself to do nothing.

it is totally totally fine to do nothing. nothing bad or nasty or horrible about it. it is a good thing to do. there is no need to run around doing things distracting ourselves from what we are really feeling. to pay attention to your feelings and give them time to work themselves through is nurturing and self nourishing. drive and achievement can wait.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

I have lost my passion for anything and everything, and I want it back. I suppose the same could be said regarding my drive and motivation, but for the time being I will focus on passion, as if I can get that back then perhaps the others will follow.

I think this is largely the result of my having worked in crappy dead-end jobs in non-supportive, hostile environments for far too long. In places such as that, hope, ambition, critical thinking and creativity are treated as liabilities or frivolous ideals--unappreciated at best and vigorously discouraged at worst.

To deal, or accept the reality of my situation, I've had to "shut down". I thought that I would be able to recover my passion or rediscover my hopes, ambitions, dreams, etc. once I got out of these situations. But it's as if they've left my heart forever. I truly feel that a part of--or perhaps entirely--my soul has died. I really don't care about anything any more.

I should also mention that I was physically and emotionally (verbally) abused while growing up. That's probably where the whole "shutting down" thing started, and now it has become my coping mechanism for dealing with unpleasant--however slight--situations.

Life is full of unpleasant situations (as well as pleasant situations). But I feel it's no good to shut down everytime unpleasantness rears its head. I need to stay positive, engaged, and passionate. But I can't.

I should also mention that when I am at my best (when was the last time that happened?), I am fairly driven and ambitious. Through my actions, I pursue the path of excellence; mediocrity (or the acceptance thereof) incites me.

Have you ever been in a similar situation (where you've lost your passion)? How did you get your passion back?

Thanks...

Sounds like a typical form of depression: the innability to enjoy things (at least to the point where it is motivating).

I use St John's Wort for a couple of days when I am heading in that direction. Then I'm usually back to normal for a long time.

 

[Trifoilum]

I, for one, have to make a clear distinction about 'not doing anything' which invisible had said and 'doing nothing productive' which TDHT had said.
It involves the same action, but contrasting mindset. The former knows it had to do nothing to heal and rebuild. The latter doesn't, and does that --only-- for wasting time, hoping something will happen.
Take a rest, do nothing, but when you do nothing, choose to heal, not to cover.

@Mogura : Take some day out, go outside / travelling. Meet new people (I'd heard that Japanese people consciously prolong their work as to seen as 'diligent'. Is it the case? If it's so, DON'T DO THAT. GO HOME.)

 

[toska]

No. Should I be?

Lol no, bad idea. I meant that those things make me shutdown, isolate, and lose interest in everything. Hhhmm I think what has helped me the most is just forcing myself to go out and meet new people so that I can find the ones who share my interests. Also any kind of activity where I can use Se in a healthy way, like working out.

 

[middle1]

There is some good advice you've received here if you would consider it. You are working, just trying to make it, that's tough enough. Add the stress of not feeling a strong sense of direction and it could quickly turn into depression. Hey, I've been in this place for the last year or so, I quit school and nearly quit my job and said to hell with it all. Instead, because I had no choice really, I just kept working. I sort of let those doubts of what I was suppose to do go and the expectations from others, as well.

I still don't know what I want to do, but I realized there is a lot more to life than how you earn your keep. Like [MENTION=1814]invisible[/MENTION] said, try to enjoy this period and try new things, don't worry about it. There will come a day when you may wish you didn't have to work so hard or realize you should've just lived it up while you were young. Don't be so hard on yourself.