I agree about seeing perspectives.
I usually try let people make their own decisions about people I'm with, but if someone expressed that they really disliked something about her in front of me if she wasn't there, it might go down like this.
Depending on the person, I would...
1/ quickly ask them clear yet non-confrontational questions to see their side better, while also getting mentally prepared for a possible argument
2/ see her side,
3/ try to look at both sides logically, take a deep breath quietly (looking thoughtful, maybe nodding just slightly)
4/ decide who I think is right,
5/ (if I agreed with the other person) put on a fake smile then make excuses for her anyway, MAYBE point out how I see why the other person might think that, but...
Or (if I disagreed with the other person), probably scowl unconsciously while defending my gf with hard facts, possibly mentioning a mistake the person has made in comparison, as well as get them to explain themselves, then ignore them for days/weeks/years.
If it's gossip about random co-workers, family I'm not close with, not-close friends, I won't participate in it, and just allow people to speak their minds.
I learn a lot about people during gossip...the people doing the gossiping that is.
If it gets real harsh I might try and change the topic or leave.
I will share rumors/debate with close friends/family at times though. Sometimes you just need to vent, or have a challenging discussion.
Peace to all!
