What other people think about you is none of your business. I honestly cannot tell people that enough. If they want to talk about you whether or not they have something positive or negative to say, the only reason is because they are trying to feel out what another person thinks of you so they can build on that. It actually has nothing to do with you and more of their impression of who they think you are and what you are about and if they are not certain they tend to share information or ideas about you to see if someone else agrees with them.
Gossip is kind of funny in the sense that people who indulge themselves in it are relating to other people through their ideas about someone else. They are actually seeking external validation about something that just doesn't matter.
....
I can actually see in their laser like focus that they're trying quite hard to see what it is that I am going to say and whether or not I am going to say anything that will confirm or deny what they already believe. They need me or someone else to fill in the gaps so they can complete their story.
Yeah, this. I think the significant part of it is seeking validation-- I know that's what I sought when I want to talk about other people's actions.
Completing their story.
Validation, commiseration, and perhaps some amount of solution.
And in here what I do or does not do probably won't matter-- in the greater sense of, whatever I choose to do, there are million other reactions I did not do.
People will talk no matter what.
And I cannot exactly blame them either if they found any of the gossip is true. If they let the gossip influence their perspective of me, then something sticks.
Probably that's why it's so annoying.
I know they get frustrated with me because my go to is always that I have no idea what other people have going on and their business is really none of mine. I refuse to share or indulge.
You must have been a very implacable woman for these people
People who gossip are always giving away their power because it reveals a character flaw in them (Depending on what they are divulging and why).
....? How so?
I always find that I am not bothered much if people want to discuss me because I take full ownership of who I am, the decisions I make, my performance, relationships with others, etc and I am 100% unapologetic about it. I feel like if someone wants to try to attack that by indulging in gossip about me it will be based on predominantly false information because I am not ashamed of myself, my life or anything that I've really done. I feel like there is nothing for me to fear if I show up and be exactly who I am and show the best of what I have to offer.
In your case, I don't know if you're afraid that you are vulnerable to these people and they are going to expose information about you that you don't want to be shared, or if somehow they're going to attack your character and thereby warp the perceptions that others may have about you.
Personally? Simply put, I stopped hiding.
I cannot say I have shown the best of what I have to offer (in fact I might have shown and given
the worst), but in this case I don't cover it. It's tiring.
My fear is probably the same as the fear of 'a permanent record'; something that people will always remember about me ("oh, that's Trifoilum who did X"), especially with the foreverness of social media. I'm afraid that my own actions and life bear little power compared to these people's words.
Which is something I should pay back, yes; as a consequences of my own actions.
All I can say is that if you show up in your life and own who you are and what you are about then there's essentially nothing petty fools can do to take you down and you should never have fear unless you've actually done something wrong and are trying to hide that.
All I can say is chill out. People can be shit. But gossip is more about their feelings and need for validation than it is about you. It's empty.
Thank you. I shall endeavor to give no fucks. <3
- Don't gossip (ever) - maintain your level of ethical respect.
- When gossip hits, frontstab (preferably short and sweet in front of as many people possible as timely as possible) - maintain your level of self esteem.
do define frontstab, please?
A man in my former workplace was constantly constructing and spreading malicious lies about others, I have no idea how he gets away with it, I made reports about him but I think it's part of the culture of that workplace that allows it. When I encounter gossip I will contradict it and it will make me think harder that I don't want to gossip about others.
how do you contradict them gossips?
