“I Psychonaut Part 2"
Where to even start?
This was much different than the last time.
Of course I am fully off that anti-depressant now which blocked some of the effect the last time.
A lot was shown to me last night.
Made a tea with half and cut up the other half of what I had and then blended them all together with some juice in the blender.
Said a quick prayer to myself and swallowed it down.
About a half hour to 45 mins in I had to go lie down…you start to feel kind of drunk…body gets heavy.
I lit some incense and put on an 8 hr. track of the “Om” chant.
My eyes would get heavy at times and I would close them for certain periods…mostly though I watched the interconnecting lines of the universe.
I could see the fractal like threads going to and coming from everything.
I had very vivid three dimensional visuals…they actually seemed like more than 3 dimensions…especially when I got up to use the bathroom and looked in the mirror…WOW!
The depth…as if my image in the mirror went on beyond my reflection…like the mirror was filled with water…like a giant tank…except it wasn’t water I was seeing, I think I was seeing the substance of reality.
And I stood there for a while and watched my face…watched how it changed on it’s own…and watched how I could alter it by thinking about it.
I could choose to be hideous, or choose to be beautiful - the point was we are far more in control of this reality than we realize…we just can’t always see that, or the results of that.
I lay back down for a while and tried to unravel the mystery of my own depression.
Quickly I realized exactly how much it has been effecting me and my loved ones…my life in general.
I spoke to my Father, I asked for his help.
The images I saw throughout the evening were vivid, though fleeting, and would change with your focus on them.
I never felt scared…never felt anxious…because I took double what I did last time.
But it was beautiful.
I went outside and sat on the front porch and watched it sprinkle rain…I looked at the intricate branches of the tree next to me and felt connected to it all.
I am no different than this small tree…it grows, it lives, it gets trimmed and cut…it has to to remain healthy - prune yourself.
And then just like the tree, I will not be here anymore…but things will still remain and continue on.
As I sat and looked at the tree and the bushes and the flowers blooming in my flowerbed my perspective shifted.
This stuff wasn’t just put here…it was created by me, by you, by the universe…it was created to help you through this life…but first you have to recognize that the beauty is even there - you have to see it.
Really SEE it…and I saw it as a purposeful part of this entire life that is so easy to take for granted.
The universe has been trying to help me all along…I was really too depressed to notice though.
Sensiko was watching “Intervention” on TV when I came back inside…I told her to turn it off.
The negativity from that show was palpable to me…though it was a recording and the girl may be in a better place now…by watching her train wreck life up until that point is perpetuating that negativity back into the universe to reverberate on our TV and anyone else’s…that in turn reverberates in our life and emotional state.
I see how much my pain effects my mental state. It’s so hard to maintain a positive state of mind and outlook when we personally feel physically bad a lot.
But I woke up not feeling so bad this morning…and so they must go hand in hand…one playing off the other.
For that, I don’t have an answer other than, my pain is what it is…it isn’t really going to change.
I feel that this has helped me to such a powerful degree, it’s hard for me to express into words….other than…I felt the flow really well…could see the flow…could manipulate the flow.
We are the masters of our universe, we manifest it all.
And so I slept with no dreams that I could really remember…but I woke up so far not feeling depressed.
In fact…still very much in the flow.
This is the medicine I need…maybe once a month…maybe every two weeks….I kind of want to do it right now again and explore further, but I need to digest this experience a bit more.
A few interesting things…the visions I had in the dark and the not so dark room had an undertone of something primal…almost as if I could hear chanting (though I had turned that off by now). Also as I changed my face in the mirror, one face kept coming forward.
I don’t know if it means anything other than I was tripping…but it was a distinctly different face than mine.
Not some kind of spiritual possession…but rather I felt maybe it was a face from a past life…or maybe a spirit guide…maybe they all were.
He/I looked idk…like I was from south america…broad nose, my head was wider, lips were thick though flat, it was a tribal type face I guess is the best way to describe it.
My cat came by once and looked like he had faint bright green sparks running along the lines of his face and body.
Overall…I would call this trip highly eye-opening and perspective enlightening.
I feel…at least for the moment to be out of that rut I was stuck in…and I feel I’m a bit predisposed to fall back into that rut…so like I said, I feel this would be overwhelmingly helpful to do when I feel like I'm falling back into those old mental patterns.
I’m off to go on a walk now down to the forest and the creek…even though it’s sprinkling.
Love you all…even those I have sometimes argued or disagreed with on here like @
Eventhorizon or @
Elegant Winter
We all all the same and yet unique in our thoughts and our experiences in life.
I appreciate oppositional views to mine more than you know, and though I am a smart-ass (sorry) I thank you both for the insight you try to provide me.
I understand you believe and follow what your heart says and that is how it should be - whether we get along or agree or not.
Peace and love everyone.
Have a good day.
I've been playing most of the day!
