Goodness, Skare! 5 hours a sleep a night isn't much, but I can relate at times. Do you find that it affects you negatively, or do you cope well with the limited amount?
There is something special about a teacher who has a passion for it, ya know? You're a wealth of knowledge, so I am sure that anyone who has the opportunity to learn from you has just adored you! ...well, the good ones know better, don't they? They good ones love just the same. ♥
Heeeellllllll nooooooo. Spiders! I would have died. I just googled "Cave Spider," and, I freaked out. I think I would have died from coronary failure.
I commend you for having the courage to embrace caves; spelunking especially. I am severely claustrophobic, so there is no way I could ever. Caves aren't so bad, though, if they aren't so closed in.
I'm not sure: are you in the states or overseas?
I completely understand that the pictures don't capture the magic. Since you disclosed that information, I am able to imagine it on such a higher level. I'll bet the water and the rocks sparkled with rainbow ambiances. How angelic! If water nymphs and fairies are worthy, then it would have to be otherworldly! *sigh*
Arthritis. I suppose that is punishment for living such an adventurous life? ...that doesn't seem right. I'm unsure of your age, but I know that it at times creeps up on the young just as well as the elder. It also seems to haunt both the sedentary and the daring. I'm sorry. I hope that you find comfort in most days and that the pain doesn't haunt you. *positive thoughts for you, only*
I absolutely hate that. I mean, you're paying a buttload of money, anyhow... Just let me see my shit! Lol. It's like when the dentist doesn't let you keep your tooth. Like, what the hell? It's MY tooth, dammit! I hope all is well with that. MRIs are pretty serious. I couldn't go through with one; they had to refer me to an open scan MRI. Again... that damn claustrophobia.
It's not my intent to inflate your ego. Haha. I only say what I mean and mean what I say. So, I am genuinely sincere!
We all have our faults, Skare. You know this just as well as I. But, whatever yours may be, I'm sure they do not outweigh the goodness of your soul and the light in your heart.
Thank you for your kind words, you lovely human (or are you an alien??? hmmmmm). Lol. You're a doll. ♥
Thank you.
I’m not especially good at taking compliments....or knowing what to say other than thank you?
You are most kind and have a very clever and fun point of view...thanks for all you contribute!
Yes...the sleep probably messes with me the most...even more than the pain...though the pain is the cause of the lack of sleep...sooo....idk.
During the day I try to make up for it by meditating...but that still is lacking proper REM sleep that is necessary for a really decent rest.
Lately too, I’ve been waking up at like 1am just fucking drenched in sweat and have to take a shower in the middle of the night before getting back into bed...sigh.
But these are all symptoms of ankylosing spondylitis - the form of rheumatoid arthritis I have.
It began when I was about 23-24 and working in the ER at the time.
It started with a charlie horse in my left buttock and I thought I must have pulled a muscle doing CPR or something along those lines.
But it got worse, and more painful...and then one morning I got off work (I worked 7pm to 7am), and tried to go to bed and there was no position that was comfortable and it was hurting a ridiculous amount by this time too....so I went back to the ER where I worked and they did an X-ray and there was a spot on both my SI Joints (where your spine connects to your hips) of arthritic bone being eating away and the ragged edges were just grinding on themselves.
AS typically effect people around this age unfortunately...it’s more of a young person’s condition.
I will be 42 at the end of this month....so....it’s been a few years that I’ve had to deal with it.
My Grandfather who passed this down to me was actually bedridden for several years in his late 20’s while his entire spine fused into one.
They had no other treatment back then....not that they really do now either.
Mine is fusing too...it’s inevitable really.
So far it’s up to L 3-4 4-5...so almost a third of the way....I can still bend the spine in the region but there is definitely a lacking of mobility where I once was very flexible and active as far as activities I enjoyed...cycling, climbing, spelunking, etc.
Swimming is great, since there is such low joint impact...I used to be on swim team in HS, but there isn’t really one close by me.
So I do things like Tai Chi or Qi Gong, some yoga stretches, etc.
Later this afternoon I’m getting an epidural, so I’m hoping the doctor hits a good spot this time....last time it didn’t help at all really.
It’s touch and go.
Yes...though most of the spiders, bats, snakes and things live mostly near the entrances to the caves...not always though...lol.
And I don’t mind the tight spaces...I’ve said this before but it was very peaceful to me in many ways.
It was like being in the womb of the earth.
Like it was cradling you...you could turn off your light and it’s the blackest black as there is NO ambient light.
That is actually one of the visualization meditations I do now sometimes...that I’m hundreds of miles underground and there is no way in or out but my mind....just a tiny cave...dark, cozy, and warm.
haha
So I try to supplement my lack of sleep with meditation, but there are days where I have to sleep.
I just hate to nap during the day because - there goes my whole day.
Nothing gets done or accomplished or I end up sleeping all day, (but even a couple hours and it seems to make me more tired) and is not only frustrating but makes me feel like I am worthless as I feel like I’m failing at being a functional person.
I’m very self-critical, something I’m working on constantly...had some good realizations about that this weekend (once I shushed my ego, things were quite clear)
As far as sleep goes...I don’t have a good solution and neither do the doctors...it’s just one of those things that come along with the condition.
But for sure I get depressed, anxious, angry, frustrated, forgetful, lethargic, procrastinating, etc. - all exacerbated by lack of sleep.
Just have to do my best.
I’m in the states...Washington state to be exact.
Very beautiful!
Mt. St. Helens is just north of me and I can see it quite well from where I live (the side that didn’t blow up).
Yes!
I wished I had gotten in the water at some time....but it is freshly melted snow water...so not the warmest...but it would have been cool to swim down to the deepest part near the waterfall....it was very clear and it’s too bad that there is such a glare on the water in those pictures, because that is part of it’s beauty is what is under the water.
The climbers call it “Valhalla”, but it’s actually Salmon Creek falls in the upper Kern river canyon in California.
Perhaps one day I will go back.
I have had zero desire to return to California since I left, lol.
(I take that back...I took my Son to Disneyland when he was 10 or so...but didn’t visit the hometown.)
The arthritis is not punishment for anything adventurous I did....but I’m sure lifting heavy patients and that sort of shit did not help the situation much either.
I cannot view it as a punishment, it just is what it is.
Sometimes bad shit happens for no reason to the nicest of people.
Not saying I’m super-nice or anything
, but it was just the randomness of life and genetics.
Some people try to lay it out as a karmic thing, but I also abstain from that thought as imho I think that is not true in most cases either personally.
Not saying that there isn’t karmic stuff to deal with, only that not everything is because of karma as some like to portray it.
It is my challenge in my life...just as the dude across the street has his own issues but tries (I see him), and the lady down the block is learning to walk again after she was in a car accident after being a very athletic, tall, and strong woman.
I accept it.
Thank you again for your kind thoughts and words, and those concerning the pain and arthritis.
Most days I can deal...sometimes I break down...but things could be so much worse I know.
Yeah, it would have been nice to look at it...hopefully I can at my appointment later...though I still don’t see anything in my electronic medical record from the radiologist reading the MRI yet.
If i could just see it I can read it!!!
I actually know how...ugh.
I can at least see if any of my nerve roots or spinal cord are being compressed!
Of well....we’ll find out soon!
Lol...sometimes I feel like an alien.
Thank you again for you most sincere and kind thoughts.
I hope we can talk more in the future and I hope your day/evening is wonderful!
May your heart be at peace!
Edit - fixed.
). I'm very impressed, sir. 
