Mixed Marriages

I wasn't in a mixed marriage, but I was in a mixed relationship (she was Pakistani), and our personalities clicked so well that I almost forgot that we were difference races and that we may have to worry about people talking negatively about us. It was virtually a non issue, although I did find out later that a few "friends" of ours had some really nasty things to say about us. But I definitely think that as the years go by, less and less people care about mixed couples.

There were a number of cultural differences, but none so giant that they shook our relationship up. She would talk to me about her single cousins and stuff (who were about 25-27) and there is a lot of pressure for women to get married at a younger age in different cultures, so they would always be freaking out about needing to find a mate.

It's strange, but in America at least, there's a belief among a lot of black women that a black man who doesn't marry within the race has "sold out" and is "ditching his roots".
 
Horatio said:
The vibe around here is more liberal, packed with lots of young adult/college-aged people who don't care about past prejudices.
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That demographic would be composed of a lot of know-it-alls without much practiced experience. It is not that they don't care it is that they don't know any prejudice one way or the other.

Horatio said:
I can't speak about marriages because I don't know those statistics, but I do see a lot more mixed couples where I live.
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I'm pretty sure where you live there are orgies in the street like a girl's gone wild video.
 
Dohavior said:
I'm pretty sure where you live there are orgies in the street like a girl's gone wild video.
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Holy shit, I wish it was like that here!
 
I think the difficulty with mixed marriages is not that the couple are from different cultures but the misunderstandings each person has about the other's culture and how to deal with the differences between the two. Since we often tend to see our cultural customs and beliefs as naturally right or something of a law (universal) because it's what we were taught or how we grew up, and we're not always taught about the validity of other cultural beliefs or habits besides our own, it is easier to judge and dismiss these differences and consequently people because of our poor perceptions of people.

I don't think everyone who is uncomfortable with mixed marriages is racist. Since our world still believes in "races", we often still buy into beliefs about racial differences (skin color really) which have nothing to do with anything except what we've been taught about it.

Similar to an experience someone mentioned earlier, an intercultural mixed marriage between an African American and a white American couple is not going to experience the same response as a Black and White British couple, because the political and social history of each country and its intermingled cultures are quite different.

In many instances, class and/or education is a bigger issue, not necessarily race. For example, there are upper class black families who don't want their privileged black children marrying lower middle class white partners. Are they any less racist than a upper class white couple who don't want their children marrying a lower middle class black partner?

Traditional cultures tend to be protectionist. They don't embrace cultural change readily. They fear they are losing something pure or unique if they "mix". It's that thing they think they are losing which is the reason for the discomfort. The question could then be raised, "what do people think they are losing" if they allow different cultures to mix if they remain separate . . . (apart from their feeling of having an advantage, power, sense of purity, control or superiority)?
 
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pics said:
I think the difficulty with mixed marriages is not that the couple are from different cultures but the misunderstandings each person has about the other's culture and how to deal with the differences between the two. Since we often tend to see our cultural customs and beliefs as naturally right or something of a law (universal) because it's what we were taught or how we grew up, and we're not always taught about the validity of other cultural beliefs or habits besides our own, it is easier to judge and dismiss these differences and consequently people because of our poor perceptions of people.

I don't think everyone who is uncomfortable with mixed marriages is racist. When people are not exposed to differences or taught to value particular differences in a way that posits that some of these differences make someone less or inferior, they're not going to understand that it's what they were taught or the myths they believe are the problem, not the relationship. Since our world still believes in "races", we often still buy into beliefs about racial differences (skin color really) which have nothing to do with anything except what we've been taught about it.

Similar to an experience someone mentioned earlier, an intercultural mixed marriage between an African American and a white American couple is not going to experience the same response as a Black and White British couple, because the political and social history of each country and its intermingled cultures are quite different.

In many instances, class and/or education is a bigger issue, not necessarily race. For example, there are upper class black families who don't want their privileged black children marrying lower middle class white partners.

Traditional cultures tend to be protectionist. They don't embrace cultural change readily. They fear they are losing something pure or unique if they "mix". It's that thing they think they are losing which is the reason for the discomfort. The question could then be raised, "what do people think they are losing" if they allow different cultures to mix if they remain separate . . . (apart from their feeling of having an advantage, power, sense of purity, control or superiority)?
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Now if only I'd followed my heart and tagged you in my opening post to begin with haha
 
niffer said:
Oh that's really cool. I feel similarly about being able to inform/educate people. So how long have you two been married for? Were you born in Britain? And have you guys had any fights or conflicts related? What do you feel like are pros and cons to marrying someone from another culture?
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Hellooo [MENTION=3998]niffer[/MENTION]. Apologies for late response — fiscal year-end (all wrapped up now — hurrah!), been away, wedding, in-laws visitation etc — so in recovery mode now. :) Not sure if I can add any more contextual value after [MENTION=1669]pics[/MENTION] excellent input but here’s my response to your questions:

I was made in India. I have British and Portuguese heritage (it’s complicated) which I believe helps with the assimilation in our relationship and is probably the reason why we don’t face any major hurdles. We also live in an area where mixed raced coupling is not seen as an anomaly.

Married for nearly 6 years but in total we’ve been together for up to 16 years.

I can’t think of a specific cultural situation that has caused any major conflicts…not yet anyway. Our misunderstandings tend to revolve around general matters like any other couples.

I guess the biggest drawback in a mixed race relationship would be if the couple never received support from their respective families (this is applicable regardless of culture being the issue but can add unnecessary and additional stress to the relationship). We are both blessed to have families that accept (or should I say approve because that does come into the equation!) of us being together. I know friends who have had to keep their mixed relationships hidden or split from their partner due to family pressure ie Indian/Black coupling is still seen as a big NO, NO.

Being in an inter-racial relationship/marriage in a way gives us a poetic licence to speak from our shared experiences. Our diversity can often bring an alternative perspective when we interact with others as well as learning from each other. People are naturally curious about mixed race couples so ultimately we are in a position to share, reinforce, enrich or educate those around us who may have an uninformed view about mixed race relationships as well as be in a position to challenge wrongly held assumptions or stereotypes.

The fusion or embracing of other cultures adds a sense of excitement, expectation, a platform for people to come together, provides an alternative to the norm by spicing up uniformity. I recently learnt a lot about Danish traditions (at a wedding and being seated together with other guests from different ethnic backgrounds) and collectively we shared anecdotal stories about culture which had elements of observational truth but at the same time we were also able to appreciate the nuances of inter-racial coupling.

Sounds a bit ostentatious to say this but when we are in an area/country populated by any one particular race/culture (whether in a casual setting or attending formal occasions) it often feel as though we are cultural patrons representing international relations. :lol: Seeing two people from mixed different cultures being together in a public space is quite a powerful image…..perhaps it unintentionally forces people to think about their biases?

I have to say that one of the greatest benefits of being in a mixed relationship is the many opportunities to fling racist comments/labels at each other (all in the name of having a bit of fun). :tsk:
 
pics said:
I think the difficulty with mixed marriages is not that the couple are from different cultures but the misunderstandings each person has about the other's culture and how to deal with the differences between the two. Since we often tend to see our cultural customs and beliefs as naturally right or something of a law (universal) because it's what we were taught or how we grew up, and we're not always taught about the validity of other cultural beliefs or habits besides our own, it is easier to judge and dismiss these differences and consequently people because of our poor perceptions of people.

Similar to an experience someone mentioned earlier, an intercultural mixed marriage between an African American and a white American couple is not going to experience the same response as a Black and White British couple, because the political and social history of each country and its intermingled cultures are quite different.

In many instances, class and/or education is a bigger issue, not necessarily race. For example, there are upper class black families who don't want their privileged black children marrying lower middle class white partners. Are they any less racist than a upper class white couple who don't want their children marrying a lower middle class black partner?
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Absolutely. Culture served no purpose when hubby and I got together. I fell in love with who he was as a person, his character, what he stood for etc. I was most definitely a difficult child as I never accepted my cultural customs as the norm or right just because it’s part of my nationality, my upbringing, environment etc. Thinking about it now, I’ve always had a strong sense of needing to understand the purpose of any cultural tradition in order for me to be fully engaged in that custom. I have more memories of being left flabbergasted or disappointed that a family member or friend wasn’t been able to fully explain the purpose or meaning behind a particular custom or belief…..it was the usual, “This is just how/what we do” response.

Yes I agree with regard to the variation in experiences. I often wonder about the global transference of such views and the subtleness in the way it’s translated via the media and how this is then adopted among other cultural groups. How long will it be before “Popular Culture” or “Westernisation” is seen as the only universal culture in our world?

YES I WHOLEHEARTEDLY AGREE! What I also find quite interesting is (using your quote), “upper class black families who don’t want their privileged black children marrying lower middle class [BLACK] partners or an upper class white couple who don’t want their children marrying a lower middle class [WHITE] partner.” Class and education is also a very interesting subject matter.
 
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