My ex is an INFJ.. how to win her back?... Nevermind, let's all be weird!!!

Deleted member 16771 said:
Hey man, you're doing well. Your pride is restoring, even if you have a lingering desire to get back with her.

But in your heart of hearts, you must know that she isn't the one. But be thankful for this experience, because it will help to crystallise just exactly what you're looking for.

Keep going, Tweekz, you'll come out of this stronger and more complete.
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Never say crystalize to a guy named tweekz... isn't that like a rule someplace?
 
Deleted member 16771 said:
I think you're absolutely right, and ultimately it seems to boil down to this:

She is focused on what you can give to her.

In other words she seems to have a bit of princess syndrome, whereas she should look towards something more mutual; focus on how she can give to her man.
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Are we not all looking for that perfect one for me thing? I feel for the girl actually, she has a want your cake and eat it too thing which is not fair to @Tweekz
 
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Dixie Normous said:
Hi everyone,
I am an ENTJ, I met my ex girlfriend 2 years ago and we clicked right away, she fell in love with me with almost no effort on my part. I think my charisma did all the work to be honest.. anyway.. we dated for 2 years and it was a long distance relationship, but I made it work. I would drive regularly to her house to make sure we had physical contact with each other. Our relationship was filled with fun, activities, outings, travelling, always treated her like a queen.. however i've had my good loads of immaturity like.. losing a game.. i wouldn't take it well. Romance was obviously not my strong side as well. We had our share of fights and arguments. But I honestly didn't think much of it. I often asked her to talk to me when I knew there was something wrong, like I could feel something was bothering her, but she would insist that everything was fine.. Her whole family absolutely adores me, they think I am a keeper and they just have good things to say about me, they dont understand why she broke up with me. And.... her reasons are very very inconsistent. She says one thing then the other day she says another thing.. it's as if she doesn't even know herself why she broke up with me or she knows but doesn't want to say the real reason. Also.. when she broke up with me,she listed alllllllllll the things I had done wrong throughout the relationship. I told her why she didn't tell me before and she said "everytime i wanted to confront you, you would get mad" (not true) and she said she hinted at me a lot.

I was at her house when she broke up with me and I stayed there for a 2 weeks after we broke up. It was also my birthday and she spent nearly $200 on gifts and birthday stuff (she bought me 2 cakes as well). She would still hold my hand when we would go places.. but at the same time.. she was talking to this guy constantly on her phone. And as time went by.. she started having feelings for him... and became sexual with him as well (phone sex) which promptly made me leave her house. I was really broken at that point..

It's been like 5 weeks now and she found out recently that the guy she was talking to wasn't quite honest with her and that his ex girlfriend came back into the picture with his kid. It made her feel ashamed, conflicted,confused and she was super hurt. She told her best friend that she was going to stop talking to him but she still insists on keeping contact with him.

Meanwhile.. we haven't really been in touch. I was advised to give her a lot of space and to go on a no contact with her.
Her best friend told me that she told him that she was completely over me and there would be no chance of me getting back with her. But she's contacted me on her own quite a lot after he told me that.. and when we have conversations, I can still make her laugh and be playful with each other. But at the same time.. sometimes she seems very very uninterested not engaged in conversations and she still makes a point to talk to that guy.. which I know she still feels for him. Which makes me wonder if she still feels for me..

On her Facebook.. she still has all of our romantic pictures up for everyone to see, she still holds on all my gifts to her (from what her family members told me) and in one of our recent conversations she said she want me to give her my favorite pair of slippers...

I really want her back. I just don't know how to go about it anymore.. she gives me a lot of mixed signals. I dont know how to attack the situation to be on my favor.

Any help or advice that I can use to make her come back to me?


P.S she has mentioned a lot to me and her family members that I was an amazing man. But that she just wasn't happy with me she felt disconnected to me and that we were just not compatible but insists on saying I am an amazing guy.
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Wow... i feel for u...

Well, as inxj female, this is my thought...
I think she broke up with u, yes its true, because all the reason she listed. But I think there's also one big reason why she can't be with u anymore.

Why she didnt tell u sooner (the list), I don't know. If it was me, I would try to communicate to men I love. If I didnt, it usually because its difficult to communicate, maybe the word used, the interpretation differences, the way he would react, that I just couldnt understand how to talk to him anymore and then I would just shut down. But atleast I would try and try and try harder if I really love this guy because a fight, argument, don't really scare me more than lost of and unable to communicate.

Did she interested in other guy, obviously. Did she loves him more than she loves u, not necessarily. I think, one scenario, she confused about her feelings for u, mybe her brain told her to stop ur relationship but her heart couldnt, so she maintain another relationship (if they re close almost just after u guys broke up then I can say she already communicate w new guy long before u broke up) like a bouncing boyfriend (if she knew this new guy long before, than its possible that she really get ready for the break up). But her heart couldnt agree so she didnt want u go, she asked for ur slipper (sentimental reason), she still want u to be close to her, etc.

Maybe she wants to find out first whats in her contradictive head and heart. Only then she could decide if she wants u back or not. The other guy just there as a cheerleader, to cheer her up, to see u differently after she sees him.

I think she's not that shallow, using u just for the sake of her pleasure, bcause from what u said she really loves u and u guys clicked. The more she loves u then the more she afraid that everything wouldnt go as good as she want/imagined. My fav line is "when it's too good to be true it must be fake" so maybe she just tested all this, the love, the relationship, she need to grasp it.

Thats one scenario if she really loves u. And I think u can feel it from the way she look at u, the touch.

What I reccomend is yup give her space. Tell her that u give her space to re think about the break up because u still want her. That u want to try to compromise the things between both of u, meet the halfway, try to seriously talk (with some methods or rules, maybe like really really honest to each other, that she can tell u everything) about it whatever it takes.

But also tell her that u can't be close to her right now because she would get biased thought and feelings -until she ready to talk to u. I think it is save that u can tell her u love her but u can't wait forever. That u did what u did and all decisions u made is because of her, because u love her. If she never calls u back then she never really loves u. If she is, she will find u again, dont worry... because I personally don't really like the agreeable easy men, maybe she is too, that she really need the feel to 'fight' again for u. So what u need is to make her chasing u.

Oh well Im sorry if its too long and doesnt fit ur need and story. If u still love her then dont give up. I hope this post is useful, not too late, and u guys can work it out :grinning:
 
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