My f'd up story

TheTruth said:
I think it's more than possible. I didn't feel close to anyone since the injury. I didn't allow myself to fall in love with anyone because every time I think about someone like that, my mind wonders off to a dark place. I pretty much dealt with the fact that I'm destined to be alone when I went to college. And then this happens.
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Well, I can certainly sympathize with that feeling, I've been there myself in a way. It sounds like you had things all planned out and resigned to, and knew exactly how things were supposed to work out, and you'd just deal with it, and now here's the universe playing a trick on you, going, "Guess what, muchacha, I've got something diferent in mind for you!" and you were all "Uhhhh.... what? No, wait, that wasn't what was supposed to happen!"

But maybe it was. Yes, I agree with Cindy, just kiss him. I am going to PM you a link to one of my favorite people, I think you will find it inspirational.
 
TheTruth said:
No, the things he does are pretty much what you'd expect from your best friend. I wouldn't put him in a "nice guy" category. .
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These sentences conflict.
 
UBERROGO said:
These sentences conflict.
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My idea of what a best friend should be like and what a nice guy is like is different from your ideas. Which makes your statement pretty useless. On top of that, you don't know the man. He doesn't put me on a pedestal and treat me like a goddess. He doesn't do everything I want when I want. He doesn't just blindly agree with me about everything when I'm clearly wrong and he doesn't treat me like I'm incompetent. I wouldn't even want to be his friend if it was like that. And that's how everybody else is treating me. Now please, if you have something valuable to contribute to the topic, don't hesitate. If not, I'm sure there are better things you can do with your time.
 
[MENTION=5090]Apone[/MENTION] is totally right.
[MENTION=5832]TheTruth[/MENTION] when you like someone, you dont have to think it that much. I think you just like how he treats you and makes you feel, but you dont like him as a partner. You should leave him alone if you really care for him and dont want to hurt his feelings.
 
TheTruth said:
No, the things he does are pretty much what you'd expect from your best friend. I wouldn't put him in a "nice guy" category. Maybe the way I described him made it sound like he was my manservant. Probably because of my situation, but it's not like that at all. In fact, I find him superior to me in pretty much every way. And I feel so lucky to have him as a friend. I'm just so confused these days.
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He does sound like a good person and if that's what you like about him and your reservations genuinely do revolve around your condition, then I say go for it, because it doesn't sound like it's an issue for him.

If someone tells you that they love you, then you really don't have anything to be afraid of... a lot of people are uptight about sex to begin with and I can't imagine what you would be going through with that, but trust me it won't matter at all. Sex is mostly in the head anyways and if he really cares about you then that's all that you need for it to be good... it's not about being 'good' or 'performing' or whatever, it's about being close to someone you care about... if he's as great a person as you're making him out to be, you'll be fine.

I think that I was saying what I did because you described him as your 'best friend', and mostly talked about his feelings towards you... it doesn't sound like you really had any feelings for him, other than relief that someone was making you feel 'normal' again... but then, I don't really know you and it's hard to get a proper sense of the situation online.

I would definitely ask yourself if you do feel the same way about him as he does about you... but on the other hand, the worst thing that could happen is that you eventually break up, but unless he's volatile and bitter (it doesn't sound like he is), you could probably still remain friends.

It seems like nowadays people are so protective of their feelings/egos/esteem that they're not willing to get involved just to see where things go... some people actually think it's preferable to get into something that's obviously going nowhere just for the thrills than to take a chance on something that has promise but needs a little work... so yeah, you should probably just do it. If you break up, it's not going to be the end of the world, and if you don't, then you'll be happy... it's pretty much win win.
 
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I guess we'll see on Friday. I'm making us dinner :)
We'll eat, we'll talk and see where that conversation take us.
 
You can't know what to do or even what to feel until you write down how you feel about him and then, after writing down everything you feel or have felt about him, look over what you wrote (or have told someone) and just let the feeling sink in.
 
TheTruth said:
I guess we'll see on Friday. I'm making us dinner :)
We'll eat, we'll talk and see where that conversation take us.
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This is just my opinion and may be wrong, but I would say this:

1. Friendship IS the basis of a long lasting relationship - so the right foundation sounds like it is already in place (romantic love is fun and exciting but does not have the "staying power" that real love has and real love, first and foremost, is built on a foundation of a genuine friendship & partnership in life).

2. You may not feel that you are "worthy" to be loved in a romantic way by a guy due to your accident and have "turned-off" your ability to connect to someone in that way (as a subconscious self-protection mechanism). Try and allow yourself to open-up in this area, allow yourself to be vulnerable, take a chance. Remember, you are worthy of being loved just by virtue of being human and you are MORE than your physical features or limitations. Love, real love, is the most healing ointment of all - allow yourself to love and to be loved.

3. As [MENTION=5375]chulo[/MENTION] said, be honest. Share with him your fears and concerns. It sounds like your physical disability may be a concern to you if the relationship should proceed and should grow deeper and deeper and, eventually, want to end in marriage/intimacy. You are probably concerned about how you would enjoy intimacy with him and make him happy in that area of life and you may be scared that you could not. On this, please just be honest with him, share your fears and frustrations with him and talk it out with him. Intimacy, for him, may not be a high priority...or it may....you just need to discuss your worries and concerns with him.

4. Finally, remember this: Love, real love that last a lifetime, isn't like the popular love that is portrayed in our (Western) society. In the movies and media, love is portrayed more as the very first stages of infatuation which is exciting and fun. Infatuation, unfortunately, fades quickly just like the buzz a person gets from alcohol which fades relatively quickly and you are again faced with the realities of your monotomous life...so you have to get another "buzz" to escape your dull and boring life routine and the cycle perpetuates itself. Do not go for the "buzz" (infatuation) but go for real love - the kind that lasts and a true relationship can be built on. It sounds like the right foundation is already in place so now just allow yourself to be vulnerable and to open yourself up to love.

OK, I hope you all the best and that all goes well. Take care.
 
Well I guess I owe you guys an update on the situation from Friday. We had that dinner at my place and it went well.
Oh my god, I didn't realize how much I missed having him around until he showed up. Those [almost] two weeks was the first time we were apart longer than a day since we met. I just wanted to give him the biggest hug ever.

I wish I had the time to give you more details.

Anyway, first thing he did was apologize to me for saying all that stuff the last time. Which made me feel really bad because no one should apologize for how they feel and for being honest about it. I told him that and then I did most of the talking. I took your advice and I told him everything about my insecurities and past experiences. When it comes to relationships he's confidence level is pretty much like mine. Which I thought was kinda cute, and a good thing because he understands my position, and didn't judge me at all.

Long story short, we decided to give it a shot and be more than friends. We agreed to stay friends if that doesn't work. I'm still a bit overwhelmed by the whole situation. Me in a real relationship? I thought I'd never have a boyfriend. And here I am, with a guy who doesn't even care about my disability. Who likes me for who I am. I find myself enjoying his company even more. We didn't kiss yet. But we cuddled last night while watching a movie. I was expecting a kiss, but I guess he's afraid of doing something wrong. That's understandable. I should probably be the one to take it to the next level. That also means that I'm in charge of the pacing of this relationship. Which is good for me. It's very important for someone in my situation to be in control of things like that.
I can't wait to tell my sister when she comes to visit this weekend. She's gonna flip out :)

Thank you guys for helping me sort out my thoughts and feelings. These past two weeks have been really confusing.
 
Glad to hear :) Just keep up the verbal communication instead of assuming things and it will work - all the best :hug:
 
moonlightam said:
Glad to hear :) Just keep up the verbal communication instead of assuming things and it will work - all the best :hug:
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I hear you. And thanks.

But a kiss isn't a real kiss when you negotiate it. I don't want to talk about it, I just want it to happen. I think I can make him kiss me without saying anything. I can be manipulative when I want to. I just have to use my eyes. Give him a deep meaningful look, lick my lips, maybe bite my lower lip and keep looking at him until he gets what he's supposed to do. No words. That should do the trick :)
 
TheTruth said:
I hear you. And thanks.

But a kiss isn't a real kiss when you negotiate it. I don't want to talk about it, I just want it to happen. I think I can make him kiss me without saying anything. I can be manipulative when I want to. I just have to use my eyes. Give him a deep meaningful look, lick my lips, maybe bite my lower lip and keep looking at him until he gets what he's supposed to do. No words. That should do the trick :)
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oh, no, go ahead with a kiss :) no negotiating lol :) just dont assume that he lets you this and that, wants that or another... Its best to have a simple conversation, really. Just to avoid misunderstandings.
 
Do not talk to him. Not about the relationship you hope to revive that you've lost.
If you do, you'll risk severing your connection with him altogether.


Sorry for your loss.
 
wow. i really do understand where you're at with this.
at least i think i do...
in any case, if you truly did give a knee jerk reaction at the time to his spilling how he felt, and find that you do have feelings for him then, as others have said, the best thing you could do is let him read what you've written here.
if, on the other hand, your feelings are coming from guilt at the reaction he's having, then you're better to let things stand as they are now, learn what you can, and move on.
 
TheTruth said:
I guess we'll see on Friday. I'm making us dinner :)
We'll eat, we'll talk and see where that conversation take us.
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i just saw this post after i made mine. i'm glad to see this and i hope you both have a great time
 
Maybe we should put a lock on this topic. Things are going great right now, I don't think that will change any time soon. Hopefully never.
 
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