Negative connotations of being alone and looking within

[JustPhil]

Herding: Good point. I
Inferior Ni: My friend an ESFP is wonderous about my thoughts but disturbed by them in equal measure. SHe will talk to a point and then ask me why I bother thinking so much "overthinking" or thinking crazy.
Specific concerns about you: I have in the past but there are VERY few people that would even know about that. I expect some could have guessed, but in the main I would be who they wanted me and expected me to be. Apart from those I've told recently (willingly) only my partners would have klnown. I think anyone else owuld have been surprised I was so convincing. I would act the scene I was put in then go home and change like one of those masks that go from happy to sad.


The existential challenges of deep introspection: I agree .. it is a big step and one full of danger and challenges. I am not sure if I am just skimming the surface, because who knows how deep you go till you reach the bottom? But I haven't looked inside for 40 years fo rthe fear, so I think now is the time to start looking.
For peace of mind, this sounds like good advice to me .... not that you are talking about that degree of solitude (?) Monastery? No.

 

[John K]

Inferior Ni: My friend an ESFP is wonderous about my thoughts but disturbed by them in equal measure. SHe will talk to a point and then ask me why I bother thinking so much "overthinking" or thinking crazy.

It was only through a management training course I attended many years ago looking at behaviour that I got an insight into this. For many extraverts, being alone and looking inside themselves for an extended period is as tiring and unsettling as being forced into an unfamiliar, noisy social setting is for introverts. I knew that they were far more comfortable with company than I was, but didn’t realise that this mirror image of my problems with company was a big issue for them.

 

[Belle4757]

Picky - NO, discerning - YES!

Bingo!

 

[ordinarypepper]

I think too much spending time alone can be very dangerous, however, I think it's healthy to have a balance of both alone time and time for personal self-reflection.

I personally love spending time alone, and I think I only got that way ever since I started questioning life more. The awareness happens, that moment of awakening, and then you realize, "Aha! This is what I've thought about all along without paying too much attention to it."

I get that too much thinking is unhealthy. It can be, as it causes one to not take action, ruminate, and disconnect, but sometimes, I think it's necessary.

Without our growing pains, we wouldn't be setting the bar. We stop dreaming. We stop learning. It's good to stay present in the moment, but it's also very essential to move forward with respect to the past, current moment, and future. They all co-exist all at the same time. It's just that some people are better at compartmentalizing these aspects, and forget about the past or future, when they're all intertwined.

And sometimes, we have to endure pain in order to grow, but that pain isn't always necessary. It does make us stronger in the end, when we survived and weathered the storms. Reflecting alone allows us to stay in touch with our own humanities. It's our own sentimental moments of rejoicing the experiences we share with each other.

Society has a way of rejecting that sense of awakening, or knowing, because people for so long have been conditioned by the conventions of society, they stopped questioning, stopped wanting to learn, stopped wanting to understanding. And understanding and learning is what makes us human, and when we can share and engage in that understanding and create a sense of dialogue amongst one another, we awaken from the journey together. But, for the most part, people aren't courageous enough to explore the things that could potentially frighten them, their innermost challenges.

Courage is one thing most people lack, because they're taught to be afraid. When we face our fears and conquer our challenges, we invite ourselves to become well-rounded as human beings. And in this limited lifetime, I think it's a travesty to limit oneself from oneself by not self-reflecting. It's like going to a party and saying that you only want pizza and hot dog, when you can experience the full buffet (even that bitter melon gourd nobody likes, but tries anyway- or that weird spikey fruit that looks alien). Kuddos for everyone being different. Those differences, and being alone to self-rflect adds value to our lives when group-conformity kinda turns those photographic moments into something bland and blazaie, when spending alone time is where some of the hidden gems are at- you get to explore and re-capture the human experience into an all encapsulating moment that's pure sublime!

 

[larry806q]

I have lately been taking more notice of the negative connotations of the word alone or of people looking inside themselves.

I am quite surprised at how much my friends and relatives all look at being alone or looking inside as being almost abhorrent.

At lunch with an old friend today she met another friend who's husband had died many years ago. She still had no partner, as my friend stated after she left "she's been alone for many years. Sad really". I turned around and asked whether she might actually be content being by herself. My friend looked a little aghast at the idea.

My mum used to chide me when I said I needed space and time to think. She always said it was "dangerous" to think too much.

Another friend mocks me for me being without a partner. Its a friendly mocking, but it still comes to the same thing, you are without someone in your life, therefore you missing something.

Other friends have quite often stated that there is no point in thinking or having feelings about things. Do something, anything to not be thinking too much about the past or future.

Now I'm all for a little staying in the present moment, but I also feel that rumination and looking into the future can be beneficial as long as it is not causing emotional pain.

Is it so bad being alone or going inside to think things through? I don't think so, but I feel a lot of society tries its hardest to move away from feeling alone or looking inside and seeing what is there. I read somewhere that is because we try to avoid hurt. Looking inside brings up thoughts that perhaps we don't want to deal with, thoughts that might put us on a slide into melancholy. Or being alone hurts so do anything to avoid that, even if it means getting a partner, any partner to avoid that hurt.

Just wondering if anyone else has noticed that there are so many people out there that react so negatively about loneliness and looking inside oneself? I have found myself that as long as you can work through the pain there is a lot of growth and learning that can be had from being alone as well as looking inside.

Well done you! Absolutely! Why deal with something now when it can be oh so much worse if I ignore it even longer. This is indeed a free will planet, you want to believe the earth is flat go for it. However, and it is a substantial however, earth is NOT a free consequence planet. No decision IS a decision....with consequences. Most folk will indeed go to great lengths to avoid the pain they don't know to say in the pain they are familiar with. No matter how bad it actually gets.

Nice job!
Larry

 

[54192&#cmy]

I have lately been taking more notice of the negative connotations of the word alone or of people looking inside themselves.

I am quite surprised at how much my friends and relatives all look at being alone or looking inside as being almost abhorrent.

At lunch with an old friend today she met another friend who's husband had died many years ago. She still had no partner, as my friend stated after she left "she's been alone for many years. Sad really". I turned around and asked whether she might actually be content being by herself. My friend looked a little aghast at the idea.

My mum used to chide me when I said I needed space and time to think. She always said it was "dangerous" to think too much.

Another friend mocks me for me being without a partner. Its a friendly mocking, but it still comes to the same thing, you are without someone in your life, therefore you missing something.

Other friends have quite often stated that there is no point in thinking or having feelings about things. Do something, anything to not be thinking too much about the past or future.

Now I'm all for a little staying in the present moment, but I also feel that rumination and looking into the future can be beneficial as long as it is not causing emotional pain.

Is it so bad being alone or going inside to think things through? I don't think so, but I feel a lot of society tries its hardest to move away from feeling alone or looking inside and seeing what is there. I read somewhere that is because we try to avoid hurt. Looking inside brings up thoughts that perhaps we don't want to deal with, thoughts that might put us on a slide into melancholy. Or being alone hurts so do anything to avoid that, even if it means getting a partner, any partner to avoid that hurt.

Just wondering if anyone else has noticed that there are so many people out there that react so negatively about loneliness and looking inside oneself? I have found myself that as long as you can work through the pain there is a lot of growth and learning that can be had from being alone as well as looking inside.

I have seen my share of people who question my alone time. It has cost me relationships. I finally have learned that I am better off alone when I get the time. I enjoy certain peoples company. But mostly I prefer to be by myself. When time permits. I usually spend that time in the forest with my camera. There is the drive in to the forest. I'm alone to think on the drive. And the whole process of photography is to look and see what's around. And that helps me to think and dream of things, I want to do in the future. Mostly i think of philosophy. Or things I listened to on you tube. Like Alan Watts or Carl Jung. I can sit there and look at something in nature and then get a flash of understanding. Or a thought will come to me.Then I tell a friend or parent what I have learned. I still think you need people to bounce ideas off of. And it's good to have those with whom you can confide. So I guess in the end it is good to take time for yourself to self reflect. To ponder over ones day and to take account of ones self. And it is equally important to make time for those who you have the most time around. For they are those who make up your life. And without them You'd just have to annoy someone else.

 

[Reason]

If you've not read the book Quiet by Susan Cain I recommend it on this topic. Basically according to her in America Introverts were, and to a reduced degree still are, an oppressed minority. Although I don't like to conceptualize it like that so let's just so we are misunderstood and leave it at that.

 

[Mnfj]

It’s practically illegal to be alone these days by choice. People either pity you for thinking that you’re lonely or they think you are a complete lunatic.
Discovering how to be alone has been the best thing in my life. I used to feel extremely lonely before when I constantly looked to be surrounded by people and I actually realized it was others that made me feel lonely. Now, being alone and literally not talking to anyone for sometimes even months at a time made me find a particular kind of inner joy and strength. What I found however is that people fear this joy and strength as if it were the devil when they sense it in someone. It’s amazing how much it threatens people. Being emotionally self-sufficient is considered almost a disorder while actually it’s the healthiest way of being. I also found that connecting occasionally with strangers or just watching people on television is enough for me to feel connected and I feel more connected to people in general that way than people who are constantly with someone.
It’s a different type of existence and I guess historically it’s an unusual thing since people need community to survive so this type of thing has usually only been reserved for spiritual seekers and hermits and that is a category that is non-existant today in people’s minds.

 

[mintoots]

It’s practically illegal to be alone these days by choice. People either pity you for thinking that you’re lonely or they think you are a complete lunatic.
Discovering how to be alone has been the best thing in my life. I used to feel extremely lonely before when I constantly looked to be surrounded by people and I actually realized it was others that made me feel lonely. Now, being alone and literally not talking to anyone for sometimes even months at a time made me find a particular kind of inner joy and strength. What I found however is that people fear this joy and strength as if it were the devil when they sense it in someone. It’s amazing how much it threatens people. Being emotionally self-sufficient is considered almost a disorder while actually it’s the healthiest way of being. I also found that connecting occasionally with strangers or just watching people on television is enough for me to feel connected and I feel more connected to people in general that way than people who are constantly with someone.
It’s a different type of existence and I guess historically it’s an unusual thing since people need community to survive so this type of thing has usually only been reserved for spiritual seekers and hermits and that is a category that is non-existant today in people’s minds.

I too feel pretty lonely. Just recently when I've been wont to make poor decisions because of it. I'm realizing now that loneliness needn't be a disability. There's something empowering about it too. I've been on and on about finding stability in my lonesome but it is also important to recognize when it is necessary to address the profound, debilitating emptiness in the gaps. This way, the need to fight against the loneliness dissipates. It's an emotion and it is welcome to stay for it exists. It's important to see that it is a point of consideration for actions that need to be taken for our satiation or progress, but also it is not all that we are. It's easy to let the noise of others' judgments be the definition of our lives but if we know who we are as people, we can only be as we are too. There is nothing wrong with solitude just as there is nothing wrong in needing profound connection too.