[PAX] Normal INTP reaction to INFP conflict?

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Matariki

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I've never managed to hit it off with INFP's and yet I'm in a family with two of them. Maybe I've pulled the short straw, but both of them have an amazing talent of making me feel rejected though I try my hardest to make them happy. Both of them have trouble with forgiveness yet alone apologizing, I'm the one that has to lay out the carpet for them to trample on by giving them what they want to hear. That their INTP sister is the biggest asshole in the world. :m095:

Maybe I am, but for some reason I'm blind to my own actions emotionally. I can't determine what is wrong and what is right when it comes to communicating with an INFP. If I step too far they start cursing at me, throwing stuff at me. Even with me having a broken leg at the moment they don't hesitate. :m074:
I usually spend most of my time in my room because its safe, I emotionally feel very vulnerable at the moment.

I'm not saying this to insult INFP's or anything and I apologize if I have, but I need help. I'm having major difficulty seeing what lines I'm not supposed to cross, but there seems to be so many of them. :m033:

I'm also strongly suspecting that both of them have BPD (borderline personality disorder). I am aware that not all INFP's act in this fashion.

My older sister doesn't live with me anyone but our communication is on shaky ground.
 
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First, let me :hug: you. :)

Your conflict has little to do with type. You're letting them cross your personal boundaries. You need to establish boundaries with them. You have to show them you respect yourself, not that you're willing to degrade yourself for their satisfaction. They will resist your new boundaries at first, but brave it and keep trying.

If they still refuse after you've consistently drawn your boundaries, then you have to accept they've committed themselves to hurting others. You will have to reestablish your independence and cut them out of your life.

You can PM me if you want more help. It's a difficult process. I have the utmost sympathy dear. :hug:
 
Looking at this from the type standpoint, it seems to me that their tendency to stand by their personal beliefs and value system has become so overbearing it's negative. I don't know the specifics of your relationships with your family members, but from what you've given I feel as if they're acting unhealthily in the sense that they're rejecting the idea of openness, sensitivity, and understanding that INFP's generally have. This obliviousness may be something they have to work on personally, so don't feel like this is your fault at all.

You can only help someone if they're willing to recognize that they need help and they're willing to accept it fully. In that case, there isn't much you could do but establish your boundaries in the most straightforward sense there is. Maybe if you're open to them about how they make you feel, they might be able to realize how hurt you've been.

Of course, like you said, not all INFP's act like this- my own INFP friend is the sweetest most caring person I know. But you know them better than anyone on these forums, so just trust yourself to come up with the best course of action for you.

I wish you luck and I truly hope that things work out for you!
 
It seems that I have insulted her. Though it happened over a year ago shes decided to hold it against me. When I found out about it, I recall that the intention behind my comments and explained to her that the comments were mere jokes. Since then shes given little sympathy. To be frank I wish I was still in hospital so at least I don't have to put up with her negativity and her throwing everything back into my face.
 
I have a few good friends who are NTPs one is an E and the other an I. With the INTP like Duty said, I have to stand my ground around him and he respects it. The same might go for those involved with you, though if they are Bipolar that creates a whole 'nother can of worms to deal with.
 
As an INFP I can definitely relate to finding it hard to get over hurt feelings. Even if the thing that offended was a joke by the offender, often it has a more lasting and serious impact on one's feelings. :/ I can't really give advice on the situation because it seems more like a clash of individual personalities rather than personality type per se.
 
Have you apologised? I know it sounds pretty simple, but if someone has upset me even if they didn't mean to, a genuine apology for the incident really helps to make me feel better about it and them.
 
Wish said:
Have you apologised? I know it sounds pretty simple, but if someone has upset me even if they didn't mean to, a genuine apology for the incident really helps to make me feel better about it and them.
Click to expand...

Yes. I acknowledged to her that I was wrong and told her that even if she doesn't forgive me, its ok, I understand. Like INFP's I don't like conflict. Its not something I handle very well, especially emotional conflict (psychical conflict is fine, I do it all the time in the ring, lol).
 
Wish said:
Have you apologised? I know it sounds pretty simple, but if someone has upset me even if they didn't mean to, a genuine apology for the incident really helps to make me feel better about it and them.
Click to expand...

I apologized and said I was truly sorry, she said it was ok and this was an issue that she needs to sort out on her own. She accepted my apology, which makes me happy. I'm going to give her the space she needs.
I love my INFP sisters, but sometimes we have our ups and downs. However I'll be there for them no matter what. In the future I'm going to ask her to teach me how she wants to be treated. I know It might sound like an excuse, but having Aspergers syndrome doesn't make empathy my strongest trait but I determined to learn.

Thanks for the advice Wish! :w:
 
No problem! :) I hope things get better soon. :hug: My sister has a personality vastly different to my own and so spending long amounts of time with her is always a challenge.
 
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