[INFJ] NSFW - ISFJ male trying to understand impact of intimate acts

I guess just enjoy it @kkstevens.

I don't think our personality type has anything much to do directly with what we like sexually, from my experience in life so far anyway.

I'm an INFJ male, consider myself bisexual if I was going to label myself and married to a woman. Personally nothing puts me off more than my wife being dominating; it's a boner killer for me lol. I've been with a very few men sexually in life and never liked anything like that with them either. I think mostly what I love and need most in relationships as such is emotional intimacy rather than sexual.

Marriage is tough at the best of times; I wish yours keeps on getting better and better for you:)
 
kkstevens said:
Thank for all the well wishes and encouragement in this thread! :<3:
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For what it's worth, being in the space of being submissive is highly erotic for me while being dominant is not at all. So, I am similar to you that way. I think given my life, it makes sense.

I see no reason for judgment, personally.
 
kkstevens said:
Trigger warning: includes detailed discussion of consensual sexual acts

I'm a 40-something INFJ male. Never been attracted to men, but at a young age discovered my prostate and enjoyed manual stimulation during masturbation. More something I did when I was younger, but I've had the desire to have anal play with a partner for some time. My wife (ENFJ) is kind of conservative and a neatnick so, while I softly tried to get her to play with my backside, she never did and I just let it lie. I think relevant to the rest of the story is that I superficially appear as an alpha out in the world, in a big fish/small pond kind of way: I'm 6'4" and conventionally handsome, given keynotes around the world in my area of specialty, and own a smallish company providing services to many clients. My wife is intelligent and accomplished but she prefers to run the house and family, even though she is one of the top people in her field, too. She is also a Controller and Stickler from a PQ Saboteurs perspective, for those who know what that means; I'm a Restless Stickler.

Maybe two weeks ago we had a huge argument. One of the things I brought forward was my unhappiness with her not engaging in anal play. She, fairly, was surprised by that complaint: I had been indirect or subtle in trying to push her toward my bottom out of fear of rejection or humiliation. But, OK, coming out of that argument one of the things she said was she wanted to give that a try. Great!

Fast forward to today. It has completely changed our relationship. She is enjoying sex more - which is fabulous! - but it is impacting my psychology and brain chemistry in ways I don't understand. Sex, for decades now, has been highly enjoyable but not particularly bonding. My wife just isn't that into sex; my previous long-term girlfriend's parts didn't fit with mine leading to injuries and anxiety...I don't remember sex being something that made me feel truly bonded and intoxicated with a partner other than my first couple of years of sex as a teenager/early 20s. But now, with my wife, everything is different. I'm attracted to her so much more. I'm more affectionate, trying to make more time with her, and just closer in every way. And unlike when I was young, when those sort of feelings for my partner were accompanied by horniness - so, yes, I was besotted with her but I also wanted to be bonking 24/7 - now I'm just sort of blissful and totally into my wife without wanting more sex or orgasms. I feel drunk or high or something but I've never felt this way before in my life. We've been married for 13 years, so this is not a new relationship.

I don't think these feelings have to do with the prostate stimulation. They have to do with some combination of her mounting me and "doing" me like a man in every way, and/or how incredibly turned on and enthusiastic she is in doing so. Seeing her, she looks so beautiful and sexy and just sort of dominating me and taking me and doing things to me like a man would typically be expected to do to a woman. I am a man; I'm happy being a man; I'm not fantasizing about either of us being regendered. But I feel like I've found my sexual happiness in a way I never have before, and have these unbelievable feelings toward and about her that I can't even explain much less understand.

I guess I just want to try and understand it better. What we're doing is so "weird" from a cis perspective, so I don't feel like I can really talk about it even with my few incredibly close and trusted friends. I want to understand why my being the receiver both feels so completely like my home and happy space - I never really liked pitching but I was the man so...yeah - and leaves me thinking I really never want to top again! This has revolutionized the way I feel about my wife, and am soso much happier about my life.

Thanks in advance for any thoughts.
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would talking about it with her shatter your feelings for something along those lines? Open communication about what you want from sex and your relationship. Hopefully it doesn’t destroy the sex drive that’s there. The boundaries of what I happens in the bed doesn’t have to destroy your relationship but strengthen it. I think maybe you guys are experimenting with cis gender roles and that’s what makes the whole experience and growth all the more worth it. I’m sure I’ll regret saying this later, but I do see how there’s this general fear of shattering the animus when really it’s about your relationship in general. Ask and place some safe words in place!!
 
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