Old School Vs New school....is there hope?

Sloe Djinn said:
Ok. I don’t get why you’re so dismissive of a blunt attempt to analyze your approach. You were the one who asked what you are missing in the OP, but it is what it is.
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Bro, i think my point in this thread is not clear, its not about me.......i meant for every one to give their opinion on why they think society is turning into a shallow mess. Not about my dating life. i used that as an example.

And to answer your question, i do approach women, and they approach me, old and young. In serious relationships it has always been the woman that has initiated advancements to further a relationship from friends to a committed relationship. Its not Hard to go out with any girl these days, they want attention and entertainment only.

Give me your views bro, you seem very keen on this subject. Teach me something i don't know about this world.
 
Social media is overrated. It's not particularly social either. I'm not on facebook, even though I have it, and that's it. I have been in one more or less serious relationship in my life, which has also been a few years back.
Most of the "eligible" and good people (not even saying "good-looking") are taken by the time they go to college or uni the latest, but indeed, people have grown so used to the mentality of getting everything they want, they discard what works for dreams which they don't end up wanting anymore, and substituting them for new dreams. It leaves the best people in tatters, broken and alone - they're the "dregs" of today's society.
This is the most negative I dare to see people as in my better moments. But a little bit of sonder(?) helps to see things differently. Who says that everyone doesn't feel the same, even when they don't act that way?

I have hope that there are people (or just one would suffice) out there which feel right to me, but I believe that were I to actively look, I wouldn't be doing myself a favour. Working on myself, becoming the best I can be, is serving me just as much as whoever I'll end up with. Even if it's just in a platonic relationship with a cat and a houseful of books in the end :smilecat:
 
StRoNgO said:
Bro, i think my point in this thread is not clear, its not about me.......i meant for every one to give their opinion on why they think society is turning into a shallow mess. Not about my dating life. i used that as an example.

And to answer your question, i do approach women, and they approach me, old and young. In serious relationships it has always been the woman that has initiated advancements to further a relationship from friends to a committed relationship. Its not Hard to go out with any girl these days, they want attention and entertainment only.

Give me your views bro, you seem very keen on this subject. Teach me something i don't know about this world.
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Thank you for clarifying the topic. I still don’t get why you seem so annoyed with my initial question unless you thought I was being sarcastic. My follow up request was sarcastic because you seemed to call me stupid for asking a question that I think it would be stupid not to ask, but I can tell our interactions probably won’t improve from here on out, so with respect to the actual topic, I’ll bow out. Cheers.
 
Ginny said:
Social media is overrated. It's not particularly social either. I'm not on facebook, even though I have it, and that's it. I have been in one more or less serious relationship in my life, which has also been a few years back.
Most of the "eligible" and good people (not even saying "good-looking") are taken by the time they go to college or uni the latest, but indeed, people have grown so used to the mentality of getting everything they want, they discard what works for dreams which they don't end up wanting anymore, and substituting them for new dreams. It leaves the best people in tatters, broken and alone - they're the "dregs" of today's society.
This is the most negative I dare to see people as in my better moments. But a little bit of sonder(?) helps to see things differently. Who says that everyone doesn't feel the same, even when they don't act that way?

I have hope that there are people (or just one would suffice) out there which feel right to me, but I believe that were I to actively look, I wouldn't be doing myself a favour. Working on myself, becoming the best I can be, is serving me just as much as whoever I'll end up with. Even if it's just in a platonic relationship with a cat and a houseful of books in the end :smilecat:
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It only gets worse and for old souls finding a match is like trying to win the lottery as when people are young they got very different expectations and values that doesn't match well if at all. It doesn't help that in today's society to be an old soul is like being an old clock to an iPhone or some other digital gadget.
 
Sloe Djinn said:
Thank you for clarifying the topic. I still don’t get why you seem so annoyed with my initial question unless you thought I was being sarcastic. My follow up request was sarcastic because you seemed to call me stupid for asking a question that I think it would be stupid not to ask, but I can tell our interactions probably won’t improve from here on out, so with respect to the actual topic, I’ll bow out. Cheers.
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you know what bro, i did get alittle annoyed. and its not your fault its mine, i get a lot of BS sarcasm a lot. it gets old.....But its my fault for not making this thread more clear. i re read it, and it does come off sounding like I'm speaking only of my self instead of requesting others opinions.

No dude trust me I'm not a dick, you can ask me anything.
 
StRoNgO said:
you know what bro, i did get alittle annoyed. and its not your fault its mine, i get a lot of BS sarcasm a lot. it gets old.....But its my fault for not making this thread more clear. i re read it, and it does come off sounding like I'm speaking only of my self instead of requesting others opinions.

No dude trust me I'm not a dick, you can ask me anything.
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No hard feelings on this end. That’s the magic of cyberspace. The presence or lack of verbal/nonverbal cues doesn’t translate as well via text.
 
Cornerstone said:
Are you looking to meet a conventionally physically attractive woman who has those personal qualities?
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I used to hang on to ideas like that. I used to put a lot of effort into "looking" but my luck seemed to change after I focused on bettering myself. If I had kept the mindset of a horse chasing a carrot on a stick, I'd be depressed and a lot less productive.

I would suggest looking for the seeds rather than shoots of the qualities you imagine will one day be in full bloom in the mother of your children - most likely when they're grown up.
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I like this advice- it keeps me hopeful.
 
The worst thing to do in this is projecting a negative mindset, whether it expresses itself through self-pity that is masked by an attitude towards the outside world or its circumstances, or some other expectancy of constant misfortune. If such a one is employed, it is no surprise at all that you come across as unattractive and pathetic. Instead of focussing on the bad things, and enhancing them in the process, you could project positivity in a myriad of ways. You get what you give, not the other way around.

It's one thing to be realistic and seeing things as they are, but it's a mistake to overgeneralise and project what you see onto a whole society. Hope is a belief that things will turn out for the best, it's a trust into circumstances and doing your best to manage energies to produce a constructive or desired outcome. Otherwise you will end up stuck in the same negative mindset and outcomes. No matter how realistic you are, you are still human, and therefore you see whatever you want anyway. If you think there are only negative things, you will only notice those and perpetuate them. But the same way, if you believe there is goodness, you will see it manifesting, both in the world and in yourself.
 
I can't figure out what's going wrong. At least, your posts don't indicate anything amiss.
Do you know someone you admire who could give you an honest assessment? In real life? If you promise them that you will not get your feelings hurt by the answer?

When I was young, I had no friends. I could not figure out why not. I asked a popular classmate to come to my house. She was one of those kids whom EVERYONE liked. Can you guess what she told me? It was so simple, and yet I had missed it completely. I was focused on the wrong things -- difficult things -- deep things.

Smile more.

It worked.
 
StRoNgO said:
I am an older millennial, but i was raised very old school. I have no social media of any kind. This site is all i have besides an email address.
Being a male INFJ has been a life full of disappointment in terms of relationships. Women are not approachable, and look at me like a freak. How do people get into dating using social media and dating apps. how can you connect? Some one please explain what i am missing.

Every relationship i have ever had, which is not very many. The woman has approached me. and they have always been older women. Ive never dated any one my own age or younger. Really sucks, cause i want to have kids sometime soon. I feel like i am getting old.
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Most people cant be honest ..and when it comes to relationships their no honest with themselves ...such as people pretend to be single....and their not they want sympathy..your karma be honest it goes along ways .
 
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