Parenting Motives...

[blueflame]

The title sounds like this will be an unusual topic and I suppose it will be one with interesting responses. I have been thinking lately about the reasons why some people become parents. I myself am not a parent but I look at the way people are with their children and what they have to say in their own words on how they treat their kids. I know there is no guide book to parenting, you just have to be one to really know what it feels like, but none the less it is interesting. On the one hand parenting has to do with something basic and primal (reproduction), but then there are the added psyco/socio elements and symbolisms of the modern day and age such as:
Achieving Immortality the only way currently possible
Narcissism: Creating the ultimate audience/support group
Savior complex: related to narcissus, needing to feel needed/powerful unjudged

Children are "pure" and a blank slate. At young ages they are very dependent and easily influenced. They also love unconditionally.

Some parents are too strict but some are too lenient and the ones who are most lenient interest me most. My opinion is they are from strict households or they themselves are reckless. They are overly concerned with being approved of and liked by their children and want to be their kids friend and "don't want to stifle them" and allow them to explore. They also allow the kids to make adult desicions. Too much freedom especially at a young age can be detrimental. Especially the parents that share too much info with their kids about sex, drugs, death and world problems and their not even teens. What makes it even more interesting is when they contradict themselves and don't allow them to do certain things that are considered normal like celebrating hollidays or have certain things because starving kids don't have those things. Wealthy parents also do this out of guilt because they aren't actually the ones raising their kids.

Any thoughts on overly strick or lenient parents? Or parents that contradict themselves?

 

[AhSver]

I would like to have kids because I want to due to my animalistic instincts of leaving the offspring. Also I want to raise some kids to show them the wonders of the world and probably give them things I couldn't have when I was a kid myself, such as having a father. I have a care-taker personality and I would like to care about them, give them love and support. Life is a beautiful thing and having children I think is one of those ultimate experiences we can accomplish throughout our lifetime. Life is also a lot of misery but existence is better than non-existence, at least not until the point when the existence is experienced. I would hope that my children would accomplish great things and contribute to the humanity as I will try to give them all my wisdom and experiences.
I am sure it can be analyzed more and we could go deeper into psychology. But these are the fist things that came to my mind when I faced the question.
Strickt, lenient and contradicting parents are unhealthy but having completely healthy human beings is impossible so it usually goes one way or another. In the end of course it messes up the children psychology but the "messed up psych" is nothing new for our race, maybe it even became a positive trait. I can extrapolate on this if someone is interested...

 

[SpilledMilk]

Dunno about kids being blank slates. Personality is at least partially inherited. Also dunno about the unconditional love from kids part; they unconditionally attach and become dependent, but I don't know if they can love the way a mature individual can.

Other possible reasons for parenting:

- Societal/family/mate pressure (external)
- Feeling of duty/necessity/what's right for society/family/mate/self (internal)
- Ticking biological clock, especially for women
- To bond with mate
- To prevent mate from leaving (i.e. guilt trip them into staying)
- Government welfare payments
- Accidental insemination and acceptance of accident ("Oh shit! I guess I'll have to just deal with it." or "Oh shit! Well, I guess it's about time/part of God's plan, etc."); not inclined towards giving up for adoption or abortion

 

[AhSver]

Also don't forget about the tax cuts

 

[blueflame]

Looks like I was right these responses are going to be interesting LOL

 

[blueflame]

I think people like that have kids because it's the American Dream. I don't think they really have passion for anything. They just aspire to whatever they're "supposed" to.

This is really intriging. You especially see this with people who want to seem extremely successful. They need the family to complete the picture and make the individual(s) seem all around powerful.

 

[AhSver]

Yes, you are goddamn right. 1.5 kids, a house and a dog. If you live in suburbs and want your colleagues not to talk behind your back you gotta have that.
That's how a lot of dysfunctional families are born. Men need it to expand their masculinity, women need it because of the maternal instincts kicking in. Sometimes people are too driven by that and what it happens they don't know what a hell to do. Kids end up in rehabs, wife runs away to some different man and the dude drinks himself to death.
What a grim picture.

 

[blueflame]

^^ Sad but true, and to top it off it's as if they are trying to relive and right a wrong in their own childhood (for some people) and their own children suffer for it.

 

[not sure]

I've noticed several reasons that people become parents some all ready mentioned. This is in the context of my country.

Children are:
* A symbol of success
* Proof of their sexuality and fertility (esp. among the lower class)
* A chance to have someone to love because of a perceived lack of it in parent's own life
* A means by which to trap a partner who will pay for your existence (esp. among the lower class)
* A route to social acceptance, to be childless is to be a freak
* The fulfillment of God's will and the proof of your devotion to Christianity
* Wonderful creatures that one should be privileged to raise (This is the minority view)

 

[Lerxst]

Crap, I just read this the day after I find out I'm going to be a father.... (yes, it was planned)

My parents were never too strict with me, but I was never a child that needed strict parents. Sure, I lied on occasion, and got caught doing so. But when it came to things like spanking, I never received any. I never had a curfew when I was growing up either. My parents used this little thing called psychology and guilt to punish me when I did something bad. I wasn't the kind of kid who would go out to all-night parties and need a curfew; if I was out late, it was because I went for a walk.

I know, with my kids, there are certain things I will be strict about - foods they can eat, ways they should act and so forth, but I'd see me using the same methods my parents did. When they can make up their own minds, I'll let them.

My reason for not wanting kids...? For the longest time, I didn't. I do what I can to help out with the environment and overpopulation is the key issue behind every problem out there. I also used to like to pack up and go places on a whim. We also live with 5 parrots and 2 dogs, so we already have a full house as well... for the next 50-60 years for that matter!

My reasons for wanting kids though - Somebody in the future generations needs to know and be able to take some measure of responsibility. Being able to teach them some morals and let them grow up in the environment we have now, should at least provide them a bit of "enlightenment" as they grow up and make decisions on their own. I don't fool myself into thinking they'll be a carbon-copy of me or my wife, but at least they'll have a different background then most people out there - let them do what they will with that.

The other, more personal reason - I'm 34 years old. There's going to be a point soon after a few more years where having kids is going to be more of a burden than a blessing. I'd also like to know I have family out there when I get older - being an only-child, my options are limited.