Please Help Me! I got catfished..

[Number B]

Hello,

(First of all, I am sorry for any spelling and grammatical mistakes, english is not my native language. And secondly, thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope you can help me by giving me your opinion. When I say "He" or "She" I mean 1 and the same person.)

I'm Ben, and today I got a e-mail which I had been waiting for for a very.. VERY long time.. 3 years ago I met a girl online and we started to chat. Eventually things naturally progressed and we started our online romance. Silly I know.. but I had developed feelings for her and as an INFJ I just rolled with it. Things went well and we exchanged pictures and I got to know her quite well. She would tell me about her family, her dog and school and I would tell her about my life.

Moving forward I asked her to go on webcam because I wanted to see her, she said she couldn't. She didn't have a webcam because she said she was poor. I offered to send her some money or to just mail one to her. To which she refused because, and I quote "I don't want to take hand outs". So my first thought was, well fair enough, and I dropped it and let it be. I never really asked for her phone number either so we didn't talk on the phone, I didn't mind because I don't think I have that deep sexy voice that women like. I have more of a dorky voice.

Anyway about a year into it I found out that the pictures she was sending me were fake and she was using someone else pictures. Thinking she was just insecure (I know I was so foolish) I told her everything would be fine, she only had to show me what she "really" looked like. And so in forgiving this what I presumed to be a minor hick up we could deeping our relationship and move forward. (this is where I should have gotten the hint and got out but love is blind, and in my case, ridiculously blind..).

A few months after that she "introduced" her younger brother via chat and we got talking. After that she went on vacation to thailand, and me and her "brother" would occasionally chat about her. We also talked about her trip to Thailand and how I thought it was a little dangerous seeing as Thailand is a country in which rape occures more often (I read this somewhere). Than about 2 weeks later her "brother" claimed that she was beaten up and raped by a gang of thugs. It made me feel sick to thinking about, I lost all interest in other things in life. Her "brother" had told me she attempted to commit suicide, it was the most helpless I had ever felt.

My dad however always tells me "What ever you do, never give up". Determined to make things right I poured in all my efforts (researching) to find ways to make the daily life of this rape victim better. I would always make myself availible no matter what time of day and would always try to keep her mind from wandering to dark places so to speak. This went on for about half a year, by now we have known each other for 2 years. By now she had "recovered" a bit and wanted to get back together. I agreed because, well, I will never in my life leave someone that needs my help.

Without realizing I had reached a point at which I was severly emotionally depleated. My dad's health is not good, as we speak he probably has a few more years to live regardless of him only being in his 50's. At the time my dad's health took a turn for the worse and I couldn't handle it emotionally (to support both my family and this rape victim). I experienced what I can only discribe as an emotional black out (I have not felt that ever since). For a couple of days I felt no emotion, it is a really strange sensation. Anyway during that time I decided to break it off with her because I couldn't handle it any longer.

I came to regret breaking it off since I hate giving up on people that need my help. I tried to make things right again but this time she wouldn't reply me anymore. I felt so guilty because she spoke of suicide sometimes and I worried that this might have happened. Half a year passed and suddenly she send me a message, you can imagine how happy I was for her to be alright. That was all I wanted at that point, for her to be alright. I expressed my happiness but couldn't shake the feeling that there was something she was hidding from me, in fact I had known it for quite a long time. I would think to myself, well Ben what if she is not the girl fromt he pictures, don't be stupid Ben you have to find out. But I would say to myself, common! nobody is crazy enough to have that deep of a relationship and still lie about who they are, especially not pretend like they are a different gender that is just sick. And that is how I convinced myself it was ok (which of course it was not, but I was naive).

We were no longer in a romantic relationship and she wanted to be friends. So I asked her again to show herself on webcam. This time the excuse was that her face was deformed from the abuse she received during the rape (scars and all that kind of stuff). I said ok, well when you are ready let me know. I still could not shake this terrible feeling, so for the past half year I have been slowly trying to get her to tell me the truth because obviously something was seriously wrong. I knew that she could be a man or a young child pretending to be older but if there was even the slightest chance that she was for real I owed it to her to do anything in my power to make her happy. So I kept going at it with a little bit of (infj love) manipulation to get her to tell me the truth.

And OH Boyyy... Did the truth hurt.. eventhough I knew.. eventhough I was prepaired it still hurt. This was someone I foolishly poured my heart and soul into. Someone I had planned a future around and had given the kind of emotional support you would give to a rape victim (Because this person is a brilliant liar, twisting and turning like a snake). Everything he told me about himself was a lie, even his brother never existed, but worst of all the rape (though I don't wish that fate onto anyone) was a lie. I was fooled, I shamefully admit. Thankfully my tears have dried but I have not yet healed up. Tomorrow in approx 7 hours from now I will see HIS face for the first time through webcam. He is expecting my forgiveness but I feel I have non to spare, truthfully I don't know what to do. I am just glad I get to see his face so that if he comes looking for me I can at least get away from this psychotic individual. That is the only reason I wish to see his face.

Let me know what you think.. Should I be more forgiving?.. (and yes.. I was a fool, but I really didn't believe anyone would go through this extend and create such elaborate lies.. I feel sick to my stomach..).

This is what he wrote to me today:
I've been really selfish, but worst of all a lier. Here it goes, the truth this time.


I'm not a old man, or a woman, I'm a 21 year old guy. I live in the US, and I'm asian.
So this is how it started. When we first met on runescape, I was in high school at that time and during that time I was going through some "changes." I was going through some internal conflicts, I was confused about my sexuality. To make it short, I always thought I was straight that I liked girls. My first crush was a girl when I was in first grade, and I had two girlfriends my freshmen year in high school. During my junior year of high school my "interest" started shifting to guys, which freaked the hell out of me. Initially I tried to suppress those thoughts, and for a long time I was able to lock them away at the back of my mind.

I started using you as a "get a way" to satisfy my curiosities. At first it started as good fun, but it started getting serious. I already had some sort of background story of my "female self" like name, age, and ethnicity. But things started to go out of control when I had to make a fake email, and find fake pictures to keep my identity. Looking back, I'm pretty sick and twisted to have done those things. I knew it was wrong because I was lying and messing with someone's life. But I couldn't stop, why? There's a lot of reasons, I was immature, confused, selfish...and for some sick reason I felt happy not because I was fooling you but I realized how love really feels like. Compared to my past relationships the feelings I developed for you didn't compare to them. Even though the whole situation was wrong, I was happy. There were many times when I wanted to end the charade because I realized how big the lies were getting and there was no way that we could truly be together. I was basically living a fantasy when I was spending time with you. My main reason for not coming clean to you till now was because I didn't want to hurt you. Those times when we "broke up" were my attempts to end things because I couldn't handle all the lies I was feeding you, and wanted you to forget me. But the temptations were to great. The bottom line is that there was no excuse in what I did, and I will accept the consequences.


When this new year rolled around, I wanted to come clean numerous times because I started accepting who I am, I started facing my personal demons. But I couldn't gather the courage to tell you, so I kept delaying it. It might sound crazy, I was really scared that you'll hurt yourself if you found out the truth (please don't do anything stupid after reading this). Reading your past emails that's when I realized I can't delay it any longer that hiding the truth from you is hurting you more than helping.

I'm truthfully sorry, and I won't ask for your forgiveness because the sins I've committed is unforgivable. I've put you through so much pain and suffering, no human being deserves. I know I haven't answered all your questions, and I'll be more than willing to answer them. I'll also understand if you don't ever want to talk to me ever, my main hope now is that you find peace from this and move forward.

-Peter

 

[Kgal]

Wow! I'm so sorry for your pain.

I've read a story such as yours here on this forum a couple of years ago. It seems the internet encourages lying, manipulation, and betrayal to a grand scale.

Ummm....I wouldn't push myself to forgiveness of this guy just yet if I were you. The whole forgive and forget process takes time...time for your wound to heal....time to integrate what happened between your mind and your heart.

Perhaps you could finally "see" him to give your self some closure and then say goodbye - permanently.

I wish you the courage to take care of your self.





[@SpecialEdition]

 

[Always thinking]

Wow, that is a lot to take in. For you first and foremost. Yes it was naive, yes it was foolish of you, and no you shouldn't have bore your heart over the Internet. But you did. It is what it is. I'm not saying that to be mean, it's just the truth. So....I would express that I was glad to know the truth from this person, but I would not meet in person or online or any other way. You have no reason to meet this person. You can forgive and you can heal, in time. And you will. Your grief is something that you have to face and go through, but not with this person. I wouldn't even let curiosity lead me to that meeting. End it, let it be done. You do not owe him anything, but you owe it to yourself to have dignity and love yourself enough to not go. It won't stop your process of forgiveness or grief if you do not meet. It may even help you to face it sooner. I wish ya the best and hope for your heart to heal. Do the hard work and you will be fine.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

I wonder if this qualifies as a bromance.

 

[the]

Walk it off. You have hurt feelings, just get over it. This sick individual is probably going to run another scam on you in 7 hours.

 

[jyrffw54]

[MENTION=7838]SpecialEdition[/MENTION]

 

[JGirl]

seriously, you should have seen the signs long before you did. i'm sorry to be so blunt but wow you still feel like you owe this person something??
you don't
you owe it to yourself to become more savvy with regard to this sort of thing. internet romances are dubious at best. if you are taking it to a romance level you need to know who that person is. i mean see them hear them meet them or what is the point?
it's all words on here, and we can be whomever we choose to create, myself included.

 

[Skarekrow]

Sorry, I had to do it...

 

[Number B]

Wow! I'm so sorry for your pain.

I've read a story such as yours here on this forum a couple of years ago. It seems the internet encourages lying, manipulation, and betrayal to a grand scale.

Ummm....I wouldn't push myself to forgiveness of this guy just yet if I were you. The whole forgive and forget process takes time...time for your wound to heal....time to integrate what happened between your mind and your heart.

Perhaps you could finally "see" him to give your self some closure and then say goodbye - permanently.

I wish you the courage to take care of your self.
[@SpecialEdition]

Much appreciated, your kind words and advice are helpful to me.

Wow, that is a lot to take in. For you first and foremost. Yes it was naive, yes it was foolish of you, and no you shouldn't have bore your heart over the Internet. But you did. It is what it is. I'm not saying that to be mean, it's just the truth. So....I would express that I was glad to know the truth from this person, but I would not meet in person or online or any other way. You have no reason to meet this person. You can forgive and you can heal, in time. And you will. Your grief is something that you have to face and go through, but not with this person. I wouldn't even let curiosity lead me to that meeting. End it, let it be done. You do not owe him anything, but you owe it to yourself to have dignity and love yourself enough to not go. It won't stop your process of forgiveness or grief if you do not meet. It may even help you to face it sooner. I wish ya the best and hope for your heart to heal. Do the hard work and you will be fine.

Thank you for your honesty. I will be more careful who I share things with and I will stop sharing my hearts content on the internet.

I wonder if this qualifies as a bromance.

Oh it does, the most secret kind of bromance haha:spy:

Walk it off. You have hurt feelings, just get over it. This sick individual is probably going to run another scam on you in 7 hours.

I agree, truthfully I don't even want to bother. But it's better to take that small chance and know what this person looks like in case they come find me. (Because this person knows my name and the city I live in they could track me down). It would be troublesome to have to be on my guard because I don't know if this crazy person will show up. But yes I will walk it off, thank you .

seriously, you should have seen the signs long before you did. i'm sorry to be so blunt but wow you still feel like you owe this person something??
you don't
you owe it to yourself to become more savvy with regard to this sort of thing. internet romances are dubious at best. if you are taking it to a romance level you need to know who that person is. i mean see them hear them meet them or what is the point?
it's all words on here, and we can be whomever we choose to create, myself included.

Yes I totally agree, I should have seen the signs. But only someone who has gotten themselves catfished understands what it is like. You trust a person that is good at manipulating people, it is not that I didn't think things through. But perhaps I didn't take it seriously enough, adding to that, I didn't know what signs I was suppose to look for. This whole catfishing ordeal is something that only became more prominent in the last decade orso with the arrival of social media.

But yes you are right and I see now that life requires a certain pessimism, one which I had not developed.

Sorry, I had to do it...

Funny meme I laughed. It's more complicated though.

 

[#@&5&49]

Well, you're kind of stuck, you've developed an emotional bond with this person and even spoke about love, but now you have to let it go and in a way that blindsided you. What a huge let down. The first thing that came to mind is he lied to you. You can't build a relationship on lies, it's like building your house on sand. I would suggest distancing yourself from this person for at least 6 months to give yourself time to deal with your own feelings of betrayal and confusion. Then re-evaluate how you feel.

There are honest ways to start same sex romances, they don't have to be done in ways that hurt people and hide true identities. In my experience, how a relationship begins often sets the stage for how it will be. Someone once told me it's okay to fall in love, just fall with your eyes open. Remember to take care of yourself cause if you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to take care of anyone else. I'm sorry for your pain.

[video=youtube_share;CWMNrfTZLIg]http://youtu.be/CWMNrfTZLIg[/video]

 

[hk427f3]

I'll also understand if you don't ever want to talk to me ever, my main hope now is that you find peace from this and move forward.

This seems like the best course of action. Don't be a martyr, for other people or pie-in-the-sky ideals like love and forgiveness.

 

[SpecialEdition]

I am pretty much the master of being catfished. You can find my thread describing my experience somewhere around here called Online Dating Horror Stories.

I had the same shit, a girl who was pretending to be a guy on the internet. She didn't lie about being raped, just lied about having cancer. Was suicidal and depressed and the whole bit. Problem was I had fallen for it so hard that I moved across the country to be with this person and didn't get the truth until I had already been there a few weeks and "he" had refused to meet me.

Listen, if you want some advice from someone who lost six years of their life to a catfish scenario (both during the time I was being lied to and the aftermath), walk away. Let the person know you care for them and that you wish them well and that you appreciate that they finally told you the truth, but that you need to heal from the experience and move on. Tell them you hope they found what they were looking for through the experience but it would be too damaging to you to continue in the relationship/friendship.

The ONLY way I was able to forgive was with a lot of time and understanding that the lies have nothing to do with me and are a testament to how internally fucked up the other person is feeling and they don't know how to cope. It is not your responsibility to teach them this. Lashing out at them will not help. You'll only get more suicide threats and lies about terrible things happening in order to keep you close. DO NOT FALL FOR IT. They are not your responsibility because the person you thought you were engaging with was not real, just a fabrication and you don't know the real person much at all.

When I went through this, I also went through an emotional black out but it lasted for years. I could never trust anyone. It took me a long time to open up to anyone again. It's a difficult road to pursue if you choose to stay. I consider myself to be very strong but it broke me down on every level imaginable.

I think a lot of INFJ's and other people too have this feeling that they just have to see what happens. They get caught up in the "what ifs?" I can tell you that it's ALL THE SAME from these cat fishers. I've had this happen to me more than once. Hard lessons learned.

Walk away.

 

[this is only temporary]

Holy crap. People have waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy too much time on their hands. No wonder you really didn't believe anyone would go through this extend and create such elaborate lies. And I never knew what catfishing was until just now.

Sorry to hear that happened to you, henceforward, I'd advise you to assume unless you know someone in real life, they are probably not your friend and you cannot trust them, also, anything you say or do online is basically public.

Also, tell the guy yes, he did hurt you, and for crissakes, just go ahead and be gay, because doing this sort of thing to people on the internet might wind up getting him hurt if he pisses off the wrong person. Also, who needs the stress. If he's in the US he can find a club or something where he can actually tell people the truth about himself and satisfy his curiosity without lying to some poor guy on the internet.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

The obvious thing in all of this is the danger of online relationships. This danger I think lies in our mistaken assumption that linguistic communication alone is sufficient to form an accurate judgement of character.

On the one hand you have crazy exhibitionists and on the other, total liars - and everything in between. Worst of all, everyone, much as in real life, puts up charades of normalcy, or dysfunction to suit their ideal self. The degree of reality being communicated, I suspect, is often no more than is communicated by characters in fiction/fantasy writing/novels.

 

[rawr]

The obvious thing in all of this is the danger of online relationships. This danger I think lies in our mistaken assumption that linguistic communication alone is sufficient to form an accurate judgement of character.

On the one hand you have crazy exhibitionists and on the other, total liars - and everything in between. Worst of all, everyone, much as in real life, puts up charades of normalcy, or dysfunction to suit their ideal self. The degree of reality being communicated, I suspect, is often no more than is communicated by characters in fiction/fantasy writing/novels.

exactly this. honestly, you might consider yourself lucky nothing worse happened (e.g. physical)

As cold as it may sound, not much you can do now after it's already done. Distance yourself, take time and consider what you've done and how to avoid it, take time to "heal" i suppose as another member mentioned.

But really ultimately you'll just have to brush it off, chin up, and learn from the experience. While being very willing and empathetic may seem like an admirable trait at times, at others it can get you into real trouble.

Stand yourself up, dust yourself off, and learn from it.

 

[Nixie]

I would only add that although the "I just want to find out what they look like" is a bit unnecessary. If they had the information about you all that time ago (since the timeline is 3 years) they could of stalked you at anytime. I would suggest that you find a way to let go of this person asap. The person you loved doesn't exist. The person you want to meet is a lying manipulator who doesn't deserve anymore of your time. I think that is the part that is hardest to get over. You have created this fantasy world about this person for a long time and it is hard to let go of that. I know the lying manipulator played a big role in that, but you became attached and enthralled with that fake persona. You have to really understand and accept that the person you cared about DOES NOT EXIST. There are no traits within the lying manipulator that mirror the person you love, it doesn't work that way. These type of people hide their real nature and are so selfish they create bonds with people based on lies and deception. The lying manipulator who stole 3 years of your love, concern and energy doesn't deserve anymore from you. Don't be fooled into thinking that this was a mistake that the lying manipulator did and is getting over....it took countless hours and effort for the lying manipulator to create the persona he did, and he kept it up for years. Lies after lies after lies. Wringing emotions and concern from you every step of the way. I suggest you walk away, cease contact, change email addresses, whatever you have to do but cut this person out of your life. If you choose to stay, the road ahead of you is obvious and I pity you.

 

[#@&5&49]

I had no idea what catfishing was either. What a groce and disgusting thing to do to another person.

 

[the]

So did you meet them or what? @op

 

[Rcs6r]

So you attracted a sexually confused male your age over the internet. Have a laugh and move on - preferably to people face-to-face in your area.

 

[Number B]

Well, you're kind of stuck, you've developed an emotional bond with this person and even spoke about love, but now you have to let it go and in a way that blindsided you. What a huge let down. The first thing that came to mind is he lied to you. You can't build a relationship on lies, it's like building your house on sand. I would suggest distancing yourself from this person for at least 6 months to give yourself time to deal with your own feelings of betrayal and confusion. Then re-evaluate how you feel.

There are honest ways to start same sex romances, they don't have to be done in ways that hurt people and hide true identities. In my experience, how a relationship begins often sets the stage for how it will be. Someone once told me it's okay to fall in love, just fall with your eyes open. Remember to take care of yourself cause if you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to take care of anyone else. I'm sorry for your pain.

I don't think I will be pursuing any form of relationship with this person. I fell in love with an idea, a mere figment of someone's imagination, fed by my own imagination. As for the same sex romance, I don't think I am gay or even Bi curious. I have had a few guys try to hit on me before but I always got away from that type of situation as soon as I could because it was not my kind of thing. Nor have I ever thought of men in such fashion. I very much like women .

This seems like the best course of action. Don't be a martyr, for other people or pie-in-the-sky ideals like love and forgiveness.

yes you are right. I will keep that in mind.

I am pretty much the master of being catfished. You can find my thread describing my experience somewhere around here called Online Dating Horror Stories.

I had the same shit, a girl who was pretending to be a guy on the internet. She didn't lie about being raped, just lied about having cancer. Was suicidal and depressed and the whole bit. Problem was I had fallen for it so hard that I moved across the country to be with this person and didn't get the truth until I had already been there a few weeks and "he" had refused to meet me.


Listen, if you want some advice from someone who lost six years of their life to a catfish scenario (both during the time I was being lied to and the aftermath), walk away. Let the person know you care for them and that you wish them well and that you appreciate that they finally told you the truth, but that you need to heal from the experience and move on. Tell them you hope they found what they were looking for through the experience but it would be too damaging to you to continue in the relationship/friendship.


The ONLY way I was able to forgive was with a lot of time and understanding that the lies have nothing to do with me and are a testament to how internally fucked up the other person is feeling and they don't know how to cope. It is not your responsibility to teach them this. Lashing out at them will not help. You'll only get more suicide threats and lies about terrible things happening in order to keep you close. DO NOT FALL FOR IT. They are not your responsibility because the person you thought you were engaging with was not real, just a fabrication and you don't know the real person much at all.


When I went through this, I also went through an emotional black out but it lasted for years. I could never trust anyone. It took me a long time to open up to anyone again. It's a difficult road to pursue if you choose to stay. I consider myself to be very strong but it broke me down on every level imaginable.


I think a lot of INFJ's and other people too have this feeling that they just have to see what happens. They get caught up in the "what ifs?" I can tell you that it's ALL THE SAME from these cat fishers. I've had this happen to me more than once. Hard lessons learned.


Walk away.

Reading your story was interesting for me because I could relate to the things you wrote (the subtle things). There is just so many things I recognize, for example the needing to know the answers in order to move forward. And the not wanting to be the cause for someone to hurt themselves, which is a cheap dirty trick catfishes use. In my case what you say is true, I did get caught in the "what ifs" simply because I hate leaving things up to chance, I always feel the need to engulf the entire spectrum of possibilities regardless of which is more likely. I want to thank you for writing your story, I know there are people that would say stupid things about it but I really appreciate it. Because it helps me understand that I am not the only person that went through this process.

Holy crap. People have waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy too much time on their hands. No wonder you really didn't believe anyone would go through this extend and create such elaborate lies. And I never knew what catfishing was until just now.

Sorry to hear that happened to you, henceforward, I'd advise you to assume unless you know someone in real life, they are probably not your friend and you cannot trust them, also, anything you say or do online is basically public.


Also, tell the guy yes, he did hurt you, and for crissakes, just go ahead and be gay, because doing this sort of thing to people on the internet might wind up getting him hurt if he pisses off the wrong person. Also, who needs the stress. If he's in the US he can find a club or something where he can actually tell people the truth about himself and satisfy his curiosity without lying to some poor guy on the internet.

Thank you for your understanding. Yes I will move forward without continuing friendships online. In my last conversation with my catfish I asked him about his past, He said he had girlfriends before but never did anything with them. I told him well than you are probably gay. But he still claims he is not gay. I believe people cannot develop themselves without knowing who they are, and so to be honest I was a bit disappointed that even after having put me through all this crap he still didn't figure out what he was.

The obvious thing in all of this is the danger of online relationships. This danger I think lies in our mistaken assumption that linguistic communication alone is sufficient to form an accurate judgement of character.

On the one hand you have crazy exhibitionists and on the other, total liars - and everything in between. Worst of all, everyone, much as in real life, puts up charades of normalcy, or dysfunction to suit their ideal self. The degree of reality being communicated, I suspect, is often no more than is communicated by characters in fiction/fantasy writing/novels.

I fully agree with what you said, I would also add that if these people operate online that they are also amongst us on the offline. Personally I now tend to think of them as emotional leeches as they need other people to mooch off.

exactly this. honestly, you might consider yourself lucky nothing worse happened (e.g. physical)

As cold as it may sound, not much you can do now after it's already done. Distance yourself, take time and consider what you've done and how to avoid it, take time to "heal" i suppose as another member mentioned.


But really ultimately you'll just have to brush it off, chin up, and learn from the experience. While being very willing and empathetic may seem like an admirable trait at times, at others it can get you into real trouble.


Stand yourself up, dust yourself off, and learn from it.

True, I am glad that at least this person didn't reply me asking to come see them with a yes. That would have been truly soul crushing if not dangerous. I have learned a great deal from this experience and I hope that by sharing this story at least 1 or 2 people will become aware of the catfishing phenomenon.

I would only add that although the "I just want to find out what they look like" is a bit unnecessary. If they had the information about you all that time ago (since the timeline is 3 years) they could of stalked you at anytime. I would suggest that you find a way to let go of this person asap. The person you loved doesn't exist. The person you want to meet is a lying manipulator who doesn't deserve anymore of your time. I think that is the part that is hardest to get over. You have created this fantasy world about this person for a long time and it is hard to let go of that. I know the lying manipulator played a big role in that, but you became attached and enthralled with that fake persona. You have to really understand and accept that the person you cared about DOES NOT EXIST. There are no traits within the lying manipulator that mirror the person you love, it doesn't work that way. These type of people hide their real nature and are so selfish they create bonds with people based on lies and deception. The lying manipulator who stole 3 years of your love, concern and energy doesn't deserve anymore from you. Don't be fooled into thinking that this was a mistake that the lying manipulator did and is getting over....it took countless hours and effort for the lying manipulator to create the persona he did, and he kept it up for years. Lies after lies after lies. Wringing emotions and concern from you every step of the way. I suggest you walk away, cease contact, change email addresses, whatever you have to do but cut this person out of your life. If you choose to stay, the road ahead of you is obvious and I pity you.

I did catch myself supporting the lies that were created and going along with it. Once I did realize what I was doing I would stop myself and my thought processes regarding the situation. I think the mind makes things "real" and I never disregarded it's dangers. I will not pursue having further contact with this individual. I know that if they wanted to, they could stalk me, since they do have my full name, what I look like and the city I live in. It would be rather easy for them to track down. However I had to see this persons face so I know what they look like, than they could not try to befriend under a different name pretending to be a different person. I had to make sure this person stays away from me.

I had no idea what catfishing was either. What a groce and disgusting thing to do to another person.

Only through this experience did I understand the dept. and desperation of weak minded individuals. My personal motto has always been that everybody deserves to be heard and understood. I am rethinking this now, perhaps some people are not only a danger to themselves but also to those around them.

So did you meet them or what? @op

Yes, we had a chat. He asked me if I was going to turn on my webcam and I told him, "it depends". I knew that if I didn't give him the idea that there were "possibilities" so to speak. That he would never have told me the truth and I would still be mentally stuck. So just like I had to lure him into telling the truth, I had to lure him into turning on his webcam, eventually he did. I made him stick up 3 than 4 fingers just to make sure it wasn't a video of someone else.


I took some screen shots so I wouldn't forget the face. Just incase he ever tries to come find me at a later stage in life and try to befriend me as a different persona. So I now know the face of my tormentor and it give me that extra bit of peace knowing I can dodge this person. (I will not speak of his appearance because I am not a shallow person, well you'll kind of know what I mean when I say that. His face was awkward like he didn't know whether to smile or not, that's how I knew it must have really been him and not one of his friends).


We got talking and asked him, so did you figure it out, are you gay or bi? Than at least my suffering wasn't completely useless. He said he didn't know but that he had girlfriends before but never did anything with them. So I told him, well than you are probably gay. To which he replied, "thank you" (still denying being gay).


I basically asked him about everything and he just admitted to have fabricated one thing after another. I spoke my mind about it, I was so angry, not only at this person but also at myself. It's so shameful to have been tricked and used in such a manner, other people that have gotten catfished know what I am talking about.


In the end I told him, you're going to stay away from me, don't ever come looking for me because if I ever see you I will harm you.


I wouldn't normally threaten people that need some form of help. But people that need help can just talk to me, you don't fake rape or suicide, that's beyond low and I can't stand the thought of that. So I did threatened him never to come looking for me. Because during the conversation I did throw him a bone to see his true intentions and low and behold he did want to continue having a friendship with me even after all the things he put me through. It's safe to say that I will never willingly speak to my catfish ever again.


In the end my conclusions would be that I did learn a great deal from all this. Things such as, there are bad shit crazy people out there that think of other people as a toy (that I need to be more careful). Also this person put me through so much crap that I now know I could probably handle just about anybody, because I know no normal human being would never put me through that much shit. (I apologize for the curse words). But just like in specialeditions thread I too wonder if the price I paid was worth the lessons I learned.


It is safe to say I will not be pursuing online friendships from here on out. I have recently started talking to my ex girlfriend, a childhood friend of mine and I can see something growing there. I confessed to her and she, figure of speech, left the door open for me. (If you're wondering if I am not moving on a little to fast, it's because I have been preparing myself over half a year to hear the lies I knew might have been possible, I've been detaching during that time frame).


Anyway to anyone reading this, and especially to those that have replied to this thread. I sincerely thank you for your input, I mean honestly, if I had to process this all by myself it would have really sucked, so I really appreciate all of you.


Stay awesome guys,
- B

So you attracted a sexually confused male your age over the internet. Have a laugh and move on - preferably to people face-to-face in your area.

I was attracted to the persona, never the person behind the persona. You could think of it as a puppet master, the puppet and the master are 2 different entities.


I know I will laugh about all this some day, for now I would like to forget.