This has actually kinda irritated me for a while and it keeps popping back up lol, I mean fair enough about how people would like to be seen and treated but I'm not so sure if this post has all that much to do with type, actually it kinda sounds more of a personal preference, which is perfectly fine.....but because of the thread topic it might just lead to misconceptions. I would say my personality type is INFJ, some people agree with me, some people don't, it is entirely your prerogative and so long as you don't try to "force" it on me and actually give ideas or reasons as to why I will happily discuss it : )
The points given, are.....probably maybe a little over exaggerated to help them come across to a larger variety of people but I do also wonder how much of this is more of a pseudo list and something around the lines of a relational Forer effect.
I've commented on each point and given how I personally look at each one from my perspective and for me personally not so much from a type perspective but since I consider myself an INFJ my reply still fits appropriately into the thread topic.
So, for me:
vh said:
1. Your INFJ adores you more than they can express with words. Even if they don't tell you verbally, they will show you how they feel through their patience, kindness, and willingness to please you.
In previous relationships I've had, we experienced truly connecting moments, where the focus literally is just on the two of us, like, in a separate little world that seems to issue a comforting warmth regardless of the place or temperature, the happier we were together the more often these moments seemed to be, truly living in the moment....which is kinda rare for me, the less happy, the less these moments happened and the more the unspoken distance seemed to envelop us into a empty silence, so yes, I would partly agree to what is said in this point, I would have an almost infinite amount of patience even if....it took a long time for the other to understand something I was trying to help teach them because I would kind of see it as a "together" thing and if she didn't get it, it was more because we hadn't found the better way to communicate what was being taught, just need to try and find a better way to put it across....it's very rare that other people can't understand things if your willing to put in the time and patience, a lot of the time it's more to do with a social anxiety from being teased or spoken down to or outcast as long as the other person has the patience and willingness to try I wouldn't think of it as a taxing thing.
I like to think of myself as a kind person, I'm reasonably kind in general but I do have a deep hatred of being controlled both mentally and physically (I don't mind aaaaaaas much if the attempt at controlling me is fueled by good intentions, in those cases if it started to bug me I'd try to talk about it but I only really allow people who I deeply trust to really get away with it but again there are limits), I do tend to give gifts on occasion, not really often but they tend to be quite personal and tailored to the person I'm giving them to, as far as general friendliness goes I'm very kind.
"willingness to please you".......I take issue with that one, though I guess it's more meant as a feeling to do nice things for the other person but ye-no, not something I would say or see myself as doing....I find it kinda degrading, I would like to see the other person happy and be supportive and so forth but not to the point where I feel myself being cheapened.
vh said:
2. Thank your INFJ with sincere hugs and kisses, and tell us you appreciate the things that we do for you. Just knowing that you're aware of it is reward enough to keep us overjoyed (and enthusiastically continuing to do all the things you love that we do for you).
I enjoy sincere hugs and kisses as well as appreciation but I don't like feeling like I'm being oversold, I don't like false appreciation, if you don't like something, fair enough, either keep it to yourself or say you don't with your reasons as to why but don't give me insincerity, I find it deeply patronizing (of course it might not bother me till a certain point.....the level depending on the type of person). I wouldn't necessarily say over-joyed....but it might happen from time to time.
"and enthusiastically continuing to do all the things you love that we do for you", I'm not a pet, if you do that only in the hope you'll make me play fetch and get more stuff for you, you're out of luck, I'd do it because I saw something and thought it might cheer you up if you were down or reminded me of you or something, or put together something thats very tailored to you because I felt like it and found the idea very appealing and thought it might resonate with you in some way. Giving lots of gifts only cheapens the gesture (for me giving gifts to the other person I mean, some people really love giving gifts as a token of appreciation constantly which is fair enough but as I said, this is of me giving to another) and I don't like the idea of being given a treat for doing something caring, I don't do it for a biscuit, I do it because I want to, out of honest caring and affection, it'll actually mean something when I do (I'm not saying you should stand on ceremony and praise me up and down as I said before I don't like to be over praised for doing something nice, I'm just simply saying).
vh said:
3. If an INFJ is in a romantic relationship with you, they consider you their number one priority in life. Your happiness and well being are the most important things in their lives.
errrr.....I'm not saying she wouldn't be a priority, it's just, I really care for my friends also, some of which I've known for many, many, years, so I think it's understandable that I would want to socialize with them or help and support them too and it also depends on the situation, I don't really have a priority list in mind and if I did, it wouldn't be set in stone. If a friend needs help I'll help likewise, if the girl I'm in a relationship with needs help my friends would understand also.
vh said:
4. Your INFJ can sense your emotions even more acutely than if you were telling us with words. We can feel what you are feeling. Don't be alarmed by this as we will never use it against you. However, this means you can never lie to us. If you try, we will know, it will hurt our feelings badly that you did.
Some of this holds true though maybe a little over the top, sense emotions....as ridiculous as that sounds, yeah, I think it's more one of those good at picking up social cues, what certain actions mean without...meaning to and going with patterns of behaviour....though the latter seems to take longer to catch onto for me for some reason, it's kinda annoying, I can be a little blinded sometimes by thinking of the possible implications of what something could mean and not just look back at previous patterns and what they mean, so, I do make mistakes, a mixture of both is usually the more accurate it's just sometimes I can get so focused on one way of thinking that I don't look at it from a broader point of view. So I wouldn't say better than words so much, cause, words always help, communication is a good thing : ) it's just, don't judge the relationship because I used to pick up on so much initially and still usually do but get something completely wrong from time to time, it's not a measure of the relationship and how it's going, it's just me being a tool and not thinking about something from a more varied and broader way.
Can't lie to us? thaaaaaaaaaaaat sounds a little like when guys over exaggerate their strength so no one tests it lol and honestly, I don't mind if you do so long as it's for a good reason, I just wouldn't appreciate being lied to all the time and....I would kinda pick up on it a good portion of the time. It won't necessarily hurt me badily if you do....I don't know why it would, I mean, if it was something really bad then maybe but I kinda take a very understanding approach.
vh said:
5. We love it when you just walk up to us and hold us. No words. Nothing complicated. Just gently wrap your arms around us and focus on how you feel about us. We can feel it like it is pouring out of you and into us. Don't be alarmed if we cry when you do this.
.....
.......
...are you kidding me?
I don't mind holding hands.....but the rest.....from my point of view I mean......for me, is a little over the top.
vh said:
6. We love to listen. Don't be afraid to tell us what is on your mind, even if we didn't ask. We love you and respect your privacy, and don't like to pry.
Like to listen, very accepting and understand, very reasonable in general with pretty much everything, I don't like to pry into peoples privacy either....but, though I don't do it, it can be tempting....I just don't do it though.
vh said:
7. We also love it when you listen to us. Please ask us questions to show us that you care, and let us talk when you do. The more intently you are interested in how we feel and what we have to say, the more we will love you.
I do like to be listened to, I do appreciate it when people pay attention, I don't by any means expect people to go "one second" wander off into the other room, get a small chair carry it into the middle of the room, sit down and look deeply, like, school kid with teacher teaching an interesting subject pay attention but a little eye contact and acknowledgements in the way of...well just a slight smile or what have you is enough. I don't want to have to get irritated enough to say "hey, do you think you could listen for one sec?" and a "can you give me ooooone sec?" is perfectly fine so you can reach a stopping point or something like that, I don't mind waiting a little, though, saying can you wait ooooone sec and then carrying on for 20mins or so will kinda tick me off, kinda like a, you don't care to listen kinda thing, I do kinda have a mutual respect thing. You don't have to be fascinated by what I say, actually you could say after I finished "wow......now THAT,.....was boring", it would kinda be amusing
but if I am really passionately talking about something then....just kinda enjoy me being passionate about something lol, I'd do the same, and then kinda try to see how I can adapt it to my way of thinking so it's interesting for me too : ) I'd do the same if the roles were reversed.....maybe not the "wow now that was boring" part, some people take offense to that kind of thing
but, people are people, I see myself as no different, to think someone would think everything I like is fascinating is a little ridiculous and a bit too much to ask for lol the world doesn't revolve around me....I'd dread to think that it did lol.
vh said:
8. Sometimes we need to recharge our minds, and will sit and stare blankly into space. This is perfectly normal, as your INFJ is rebooting their amazing mind. Systems will be online again shortly.
god, yes lol, I won't necessarily go to a 'staring into space blankly' chair in the corner or anything but I will kinda daydream for a bit thinking about something, toying with an idea, I also kinda need some time from time to time to just be alone every now and again, whether it be away in a room or just sitting for a little bit or going for a walk for a while at day or night every now and again.....it is kinda a recharge thing.....though I wouldn't say amazing mind, for me, and I don't picture myself as a computer so much lol.
oh! and! it's not necessarily because of you, it could just be the thought of work or what have you thats kinda tired me out.
vh said:
9. We thrive in an environment with just you, and a few of our closest loved ones. The more opportunities you help us create for these kinds of environments, the happier we will be.
I do, don't really need another person to create them, I'll seek them, but yeah, constantly wanting to go out to party with large crowds is a no no, even the thought is tiring, once is a while, fair enough, but constantly? like weekly, nnnnnnope, but, they can go though : )
vh said:
10. We don't do well in crowds for extended periods. We will join you in them if that's where you want to go, but please be mindful of the duration of contact. INFJs may become unresponsive and even irritable when exposed to crowds for too long.
lol, should read all the questions through before answering them, but, this is the better way for me
yep, ermm...*shrugs*....well, ok, yeah, fair enough, maybe a little, but I can put up with a lot .
vh said:
11. While we are extremely affectionate with you, we're generally not interested in being affectionate with anyone else, and physical contact with strangers may unsettle your INFJ. It is best to keep strangers from attempting to pet your INFJ.
well....it would take longer for me to kinda create and segment the dynamics in my mind to be comfortable with it, I mean, some people are just that kinda way and thats fair enough if thats their way to communicate : ) ....just takes a couple of meets before I can adapt to that, annnnnnd......don't pet me.
vh said:
12. Your INFJ accepts you for everything you are. However, INFJs can be especially eccentric. If you accept your INFJ's eccentricities and peculiar interests, this will greatly increase your INFJ's happiness.
....accepting people for who they are....usually a good idea lol
vh said:
13. INFJs are otherwise very self sufficient low maintenance pets, and can be left to their own little worlds for extended periods. However, infrequent moments of affection are always appreciated.
...agreed
vh said:
14. Always kiss your INFJ goodnight and tell them that you love them, even if you're not going to sleep when they do.
....little annoying and genericm that might kinda annoy me a bit, besides, I don't really sleep so much.
vh said:
15. Always cuddle with your INFJ when they wake up and greet their day with love.
lol omg, did this truly does sound like an owners manual lol, ermm....yeah....if you want? just....don't go over the top lol, little things can go a long way : )
vh said:
16. Your INFJ will have a reflex to help others. Do not be alarmed by this, as it does not in any way reflect on how your INFJ feels about you, or your relationship. It is simply our nature to help others - sometimes to a degree that makes the ones we love assume they are less of a priority. Nothing could be further from the truth.
gaaargh, yeah, shoulda read them through, already answered that one
vh said:
17. Your INFJ is a planner. Sometimes spontaneity leaves us in a position that we cannot plan how to best make you happy, and we find this upsetting. Please understand that we are never upset with you, only the situation.
not upsetting, if you want to do something, fair enough, just, you know, should be able to compromise a bit, can't keep throwing in new things if you have an already planned day, theres only so many hours and everything but yeah, i mean, another day? or switching one thing and putting that for the next day maybe? I'm not concretely set in stone but ya know,.....reasonable spontaneity is perfectly fine : )
vh said:
18. Your INFJ is very idealistic and principled. If you need us to go against our ideals or principles to make you happy, this can cause us a great deal of internal turmoil and tension. Please be mindful of our ideals and principles and avoid asking us to go against them.
....yeah, this all depends, somethings I'm not really that flexible with, I mean, I'm not saying my principles are completely set in stone or anything but yeah, there kinda has to be a good reason.
vh said:
19. When an INFJ's ideals or principles are offended, we will pull away quickly. This may look very similar to our normal modes of being lost in our heads to the untrained eye, as we do not like to cause tension or disharmony. To best care for your INFJ, learn to spot this reaction and quickly make right whatever was wrong, even if it is simply an opinion. This will bring us back to the harmony we need to be our healthiest.
depends,
sometimes I can be a little passive aggressive, but if you kinda noticed you annoyed me on something like this I won't be, but I will kinda be silent for a little while and kinda anti social...not really going into the backroom or anything like that lol, just.....quietly pissy lol I'll be ok though
vh said:
20. No one will ever love you as much as your INFJ.
*shrugs*? maybe? I dunno....some people can be extremely possessive and needy and highly symbiotic so may not necessarily be true, I'm not gonna go digging and asking about your ex's to try and find out or compare lol, oh!, though I might ask about an ex you might have brought up before just to kinda get to know and understand you a little better maybe nothing further though and fair enough if you don't want to lol
So would an INFJ+INFJ relationship really work? Since both of us would try to take care of the other and we would be taken off by their attitude.
