Pull this apart for me?

OK. I have done a good bit of reflection on type in general over the past several days and on the feedback here. I noted the theme of functions mentioned here that were not infj (Te, Fi, Si). Ne wasn't mentioned, but it didn't take me long to go, "oh shit! I am back at infp." But, I feel confident at this point that I am an introvert and my extraverted function is a judging function. Then it hit me! It's the shadow!

https://www.psychologyjunkie.com/2016/08/19/infj-darkness-understanding-infjs-shadow-functions/

I feel pretty sure the Fi, Te, and Si noted here were immature expressions that are not well developed for me, but are showing up. Ne wasn't mentioned, but maybe I have made enough peace with Ne that it's not misbehaving and just playing nice.

I did come back here to this forum, in part, because I was stressed out and looking for some answers on how to get back on track. Shadow functions rearing their head does make sense in that context.

Now, I think, if I am right with this theory, the solution is to lean into my dominant functions, correct?

I am still open to any suggestions on how best to embark on the next phase. :smile:
 
tovlo said:
Maybe I am in my swan family, maybe I am a duck in the company of swans, but today, it really doesn't matter. Want to go for a swim?
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tovlo said:
I am still open to any suggestions on how best to embark on the next phase. :smile:
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I suggest that swimming is a good idea for the next phase :D - for example if you are good with inxj and pretty sure of Fe rather than Te then deliberately go out of you way to use Fe, both here in the Forum, and in everyday life. See if it adds or removes tension, feels like home or away - give it a few weeks and avoid introvert looping on the issue as far as you can. Review it again at end January (say ).

Give your Ni lots of space to work without constant introvert judgement intervention.
 
John K said:
I suggest that swimming is a good idea for the next phase :D - for example if you are good with inxj and pretty sure of Fe rather than Te then deliberately go out of you way to use Fe, both here in the Forum, and in everyday life. See if it adds or removes tension, feels like home or away - give it a few weeks and avoid introvert looping on the issue as far as you can. Review it again at end January (say ).

Give your Ni lots of space to work without constant introvert judgement intervention.
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Sage advice, agreed! :smiley:
 
Very interesting discussion in this thread.

I would say though, just to remember that F-types can be just as rational as T-types, while T-types can be just as emotional as F-types.

The reason I say this is if you really value one or the other (emotionality and logic), or both, then this can introduce implicit biases on your quest for type.

For example, as an INTJ who values emotionality and empathy and all that stuff (like a human, right), I tend to be sensitive to the emotional state of people I'm interacting with, and if they have strong emotional reactions I tend to have a powerful empathetic response in return.

The difference is that this behaviour is more like adherence to a rule that you decided on in private. I only have sympathetic emotional reactions to powerful emotions; if someone is upset, crying, justifiably angry, &c. It's a powerful form of empathy because it feels like part of me, is inside them. I am side by side with them in feeling that pain or joy or whatever it is. It also has a curiously individual character - you empathise with one person, one at a time. This is Fi.

Now, think about more minor emotions. For example, right now my mum is frustrated and a bit stressed running around the house trying to organise this Boxing Day buffet for the family, giving me little tasks to help, &c. (take the ladders outside, defrost this and that). Am I absorbing her stress? No. Is her stress making me feel stressed? No. I'm telling her that it will be OK, because the family will help out anyway if she's not ready on time; there's no need to feel stressed. I am concerned with her emotional state, because I care about her, and I'm having a sympathetic response, but, my emotions are not her emotions. I'm feeling concern and a 'calm' 'relaxed' demeanour (to balance her, perhaps); I am not absorbing her stress, but I am invested in it.

Really the difference between Fi and Fe in this system is fascinating. Despite the lack of empirical evidence about this, I think the distinction says something meaningful.

Good luck, tovlo!
 
@tovlo maybe it might be helpful to not just reflect and anlayze through everything ..but also keep an eye on energy level..
from what is actually your energy (not someone elses).. or your energy hard cap.. when are you doing min-maxing.. when is something draining.. or filling up batteries.. and so on..

I don't know why this isn't talked about often.. maybe it's not scientif-y enough xD
 
John K said:
I suggest that swimming is a good idea for the next phase :D - for example if you are good with inxj and pretty sure of Fe rather than Te then deliberately go out of you way to use Fe, both here in the Forum, and in everyday life. See if it adds or removes tension, feels like home or away - give it a few weeks and avoid introvert looping on the issue as far as you can. Review it again at end January (say ).

Give your Ni lots of space to work without constant introvert judgement intervention.
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Absolutely agreed.
 
Impact Character said:
@tovlo maybe it might be helpful to not just reflect and anlayze through everything ..but also keep an eye on energy level..
from what is actually your energy (not someone elses).. or your energy hard cap.. when are you doing min-maxing.. when is something draining.. or filling up batteries.. and so on..

I don't know why this isn't talked about often.. maybe it's not scientif-y enough xD
Click to expand...

I definitely agree with noticing energy. That was part of what led me to shadow thoughts. I came here feeling a need for more social, but worn out by it. I realized my environment had been nudging me toward using other extraverted functions, which DO wear me out, and without the more nuanced reflection just started lumping ALL social into "wears me out." So, I think, I started to get into an introverting loop (NiTi), and the stress of that started the shadow stuff. When I realized this, I started more purposefully leaning into Fe, and, so far, it feels healing and energizing.

And, I think, MBTi is only marginally sciencey (but I clearly think it points to a reality I find very helpful), and as far as it is sciencey, I think noticing energy is an integral part of it.
 
tovlo said:
I definitely agree with noticing energy. That was part of what led me to shadow thoughts. I came here feeling a need for more social, but worn out by it. I realized my environment had been nudging me toward using other extraverted functions, which DO wear me out, and without the more nuanced reflection just started lumping ALL social into "wears me out." So, I think, I started to get into an introverting loop (NiTi), and the stress of that started the shadow stuff. When I realized this, I started more purposefully leaning into Fe, and, so far, it feels healing and energizing.

And, I think, MBTi is only marginally sciencey (but I clearly think it points to a reality I find very helpful), and as far as it is sciencey, I think noticing energy is an integral part of it.
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it's good you came here then :relaxed: it is similar for me as well.. I couldn't afford being that kite in the turbulences of others no more.
uhm, don't get me wrong.. the kite isn't the problem nor the turbulences.. but this is a good place to train making use of the rope it comes with :openmouth: and maybe the tail.. you don't need it for kiting..but it is nice to have it anyway haha
 
John K said:
...deliberately go out of you way to use Fe, both here in the Forum, and in everyday life. See if it adds or removes tension, feels like home
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Yes. Do this. Pay particular attention to how OTHER PEOPLE react. You might not want to be the type that you actually are. People will accept you and give you positive feedback, if your behavior fits your type. (They won't know they're doing it, but watch for it.)

This was how I realized I was not INTJ. People are attracted to me when I lighten up, join in, let things go the way they go, stay positive and receptive to the mood. All the heaviness is gone. Anxiety levels drop. Things just flow.

"But I'm a serious, authentic person!" I complain. Well, tough luck, they like me better this way. "But what about my integrity?" I complain. Too bad. Kiss that self-image goodbye. On the positive side, I no longer feel like a sell-out if I don't argue my point until people get angry. I say it once, and I'm done. I move on.

Spread your love like a bee pollinating flowers. Wherever someone welcomes you, go there. Don't heavily invest in one person and expect big emotional returns. Fe does not work like this. It's more superficial than deep. (Yeah, yeah. Return to complaint, "I'm a deep person.")

This is a test. This is only a test. You can go back to Fi if you want, but as for me, the more I use it, the more trouble it causes me, and darn it, this Fe things makes everybody like me.

Ni operates in the background (for me) so strongly that I benefit from turning it off completely and doing walking meditation, where you go about your regular activities and stop thinking about anything except what is actually happening. That's Se. It keeps me from being oblivious.
 
JennyDaniella said:
Idk why but every time I see this title, all I think about is pulled-pork BBQ sandwiches....

I’m such a fat weirdo. :(

But anyways, you seem like an INFJ. Just don’t over-think it too much.

MBTI is not completely fool-proof in identifying you when it comes to types, take it lightly. Think more of it as a blueprint so to speak. Every INFJ here fits the criteria but they have their own unique traits. :)
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I have to say that pork spare ribs and home cut ribeyes are amazing when afforded, processed meats that come frozen or canned absolutely suck ass.
 
Roses In The Vineyard said:
I have to say that pork spare ribs and home cut ribeyes are amazing when afforded, processed meats that come frozen or canned absolutely suck ass.
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LOL! I absolutely agree with you. :D

Speaking of BBQ, I am deeply craving some ribs and some brisket. Yum yum!
 
Zola said:
Yes. Do this. Pay particular attention to how OTHER PEOPLE react. You might not want to be the type that you actually are. People will accept you and give you positive feedback, if your behavior fits your type. (They won't know they're doing it, but watch for it.)

This was how I realized I was not INTJ. People are attracted to me when I lighten up, join in, let things go the way they go, stay positive and receptive to the mood. All the heaviness is gone. Anxiety levels drop. Things just flow.
Click to expand...
That's an interesting method, but I'm very very sceptical. I'm not sure it works like that. Surely it's just the prosocial behaviours which people like, rather than when an individual behaves 'true to type/self', no?

I'm trying to think when people like me best and how I'm behaving. Hmm. Very interesting method, actually, it might have some merit.
 
I did think of that while posting, but gentle, pro-social behaviors fit INFJ.
Some types can be easily accepted as (for example): strong and silent, bold and risky, inspiring and commanding, irreverent and funny, objective and expert, seductive and entertaining, etc. I could go on, but you get the idea. For an INFJ to try to present as one of those combinations would seem like a fish out of water.
 
Zola said:
I did think of that while posting, but gentle, pro-social behaviors fit INFJ.
Some types can be easily accepted as (for example): strong and silent, bold and risky, inspiring and commanding, irreverent and funny, objective and expert, seductive and entertaining, etc. I could go on, but you get the idea. For an INFJ to try to present as one of those combinations would seem like a fish out of water.
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I think you have a point, actually. I think this is super interesting.

Actually I think Jung said something about it, to do with when a man known to be funny makes a joke, compared to the same joke made my a man known to be dour, but this is more about reputation.

Yeah, maybe there's a certain 'archetypal presentation' that each type is more comfortable inhabiting. Cool idea! *thinks*
 
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