Questions from an INTP

[sammael]

Hey everybody,

I feel a little rude barging into your forum without first offering something, please forgive me.
< (is this the embarrassed smiley?)

I must first say, that I am impressed by the thoughtfulness and kindness I have seen from INFJs, it's a great thing. It truly is a big asset, the world is much better off with you.

The reason why I'm here is that I seek INFJ perspective. In all likelihood it is unnecessary to the benefit of the particular situation, but I am curious nonetheless.

About a month ago I came back to uni for the year, and I met a girl. From the start of our interaction we have gotten on remarkably well, particularly when measured by my standards. I know a lot of people, I get on fine with most people I meet. I'm not shy or socially awkward, I have no problems interacting. But there are very few people I actually like, most I simply tolerate. It's unusual for me to actually want to be around or spend time with someone in particular, that's a very rare occurrence. And while it may not appear to an observer so, it usually takes a while for me to feel comfortable around someone. Short in short, it's exceptionally rare for me to meet someone and just naturally feel so comfortable, and enjoy their company. I am kind of convinced that the shared introversion and intuition plays a big part in this, but that is beside the point.

Anyway, I've been seeing her in class two to three times a week, she's a quiet girl but she seems quite chatty around me, she tells me about her life, things that have been happening. Sometimes its a little flirty, often playful, always relaxed. There's not really any tension, which is cool. I enjoy being around her and she seems to enjoy being around me.

Before I forget, I'm an INTP, male, 23 (just). I'm pretty sure she's an INFJ (working theory and all, you know), female, 20. She is a gorgeous girl, really beautiful. I know what you're all thinking now, but hear me out. I have no agenda with her, other than that I like her as a person, and I enjoy being around her. I haven't had much of a social life these last few years, out of choice. Lately I've been thinking that's not such a good thing. I've pretty much (unconsciously) segregated the friends I do have so I only do specific things with each kind, e.g. work friends I keep work related, training friends training related etc. I also have no wish for a relationship, mostly because I don't see any point unless its serious, and I'm not ready for that kind of commitment. I'm not against that happening, I'm just not looking for it.

Bearing this in mind, that I enjoy being around her and would like to spend more time with her on a strictly platonic basis, today when we were chatting I was like: Hey, have you been to the zoo recently? She kind of laughed like random and said no, why? (I think she picked up that it was pointed). So I asked if she wanted to go with me. Her exceedingly prompt and enthusiastic answer scared me a little, she didn't even pause or think about it. I went on to tell her I'd been given a pass for my birthday and didn't really have any one to go with. And I knew she liked animals and I enjoyed her company. She was really really keen and now I'm a bit concerned that my asking her could have been taken the wrong way.

I don't really have any specific questions at the moment, I'm just curious about perspectives on what she may be thinking/feeling. Is she likely to quite quickly want more than friendship? Is it possible to maintain a purely platonic interaction in a situation like this?

 

[ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc]

I have a question: Can an INTP ask a question without a long post?

 

[hush]

I have a question: Can an INTP ask a question without a long post?

You've answered your own question. ;]

 

[Kgal]

Hey everybody,

I feel a little rude barging into your forum without first offering something, please forgive me.
< (is this the embarrassed smiley?)

I must first say, that I am impressed by the thoughtfulness and kindness I have seen from INFJs, it's a great thing. It truly is a big asset, the world is much better off with you.

The reason why I'm here is that I seek INFJ perspective. In all likelihood it is unnecessary to the benefit of the particular situation, but I am curious nonetheless.

About a month ago I came back to uni for the year, and I met a girl. From the start of our interaction we have gotten on remarkably well, particularly when measured by my standards. I know a lot of people, I get on fine with most people I meet. I'm not shy or socially awkward, I have no problems interacting. But there are very few people I actually like, most I simply tolerate. It's unusual for me to actually want to be around or spend time with someone in particular, that's a very rare occurrence. And while it may not appear to an observer so, it usually takes a while for me to feel comfortable around someone. Short in short, it's exceptionally rare for me to meet someone and just naturally feel so comfortable, and enjoy their company. I am kind of convinced that the shared introversion and intuition plays a big part in this, but that is beside the point.

Anyway, I've been seeing her in class two to three times a week, she's a quiet girl but she seems quite chatty around me, she tells me about her life, things that have been happening. Sometimes its a little flirty, often playful, always relaxed. There's not really any tension, which is cool. I enjoy being around her and she seems to enjoy being around me.

Before I forget, I'm an INTP, male, 23 (just). I'm pretty sure she's an INFJ (working theory and all, you know), female, 20. She is a gorgeous girl, really beautiful. I know what you're all thinking now, but hear me out. I have no agenda with her, other than that I like her as a person, and I enjoy being around her. I haven't had much of a social life these last few years, out of choice. Lately I've been thinking that's not such a good thing. I've pretty much (unconsciously) segregated the friends I do have so I only do specific things with each kind, e.g. work friends I keep work related, training friends training related etc. I also have no wish for a relationship, mostly because I don't see any point unless its serious, and I'm not ready for that kind of commitment. I'm not against that happening, I'm just not looking for it.

Bearing this in mind, that I enjoy being around her and would like to spend more time with her on a strictly platonic basis, today when we were chatting I was like: Hey, have you been to the zoo recently? She kind of laughed like random and said no, why? (I think she picked up that it was pointed). So I asked if she wanted to go with me. Her exceedingly prompt and enthusiastic answer scared me a little, she didn't even pause or think about it. I went on to tell her I'd been given a pass for my birthday and didn't really have any one to go with. And I knew she liked animals and I enjoyed her company. She was really really keen and now I'm a bit concerned that my asking her could have been taken the wrong way.

I don't really have any specific questions at the moment, I'm just curious about perspectives on what she may be thinking/feeling. Is she likely to quite quickly want more than friendship? Is it possible to maintain a purely platonic interaction in a situation like this?

No...no platonic interactions for now.
She is thinking you are very interested in her and want to explore...the possibility of a relationship.

I think your subconscious has decided for you that it's time you got off the fence. :tongue1:

I hope you allow your curiosity to unfold...your heart needs it.

 

[5r6jhd]

Yeah, she's definitely interested and thinking about relattionship potentials!

As an INFJ if a guy asks me if I want to do something together alone I would assume he has some sort of romantic interest and would react very enthusiastically if interested, or be very hesitant and vague (maybe saying somethin along the lines of 'yeah sure, sometime maybe') if I only felt platonically. Maybe others wont agree with me, but any sort of doubt in any way would have me extremely hesitant. If you really aren't wanting anything romantic, please tread carefully!

Also, I agree with Kgal. Reading your post, it sounds like subconciously you might like to give this girl a chance

Either way, good luck to you

 

[sammael]

Thank you for your input.

I hope you allow your curiosity to unfold...your heart needs it.

That is a fascinating concept. I would love to explore it sometime.

Also, I agree with Kgal. Reading your post, it sounds like subconciously you might like to give this girl a chance

Heh. Probably this is true, I am not averse to the idea. In all actuality I think I like the thought, but logically I know it's probably not a good idea right now.

Given that she is probably interested in more than friendship, what is likely to happen if we carry on as we are, maybe hang out a bit, friendship etc, but I don't initiate anything romantically?

 

[5r6jhd]

Honestly, I think you should just act normal. Hang out with her, but maybe not do too much one on one in case she gets the wrong idea. Just continue on with the friendship and see where it goes. If it progresses and you feel like shes looking for a relationship, and you're not ready, then be honest with her! I find as an INFJ who's been in situations like that before, I get really intense about the relationship and spend a lot of time analysing every conversation and every interaction trying to figure out what the other person is thinking. Communication is key.

 

[anarkandi]

Oh, the INTPs and their complete unawareness about their own intentions. <3 You've written your own answer to your question, either intentionally or unintentionally, and you just want us to confirm it for you.

She digs you. But don't let it scare you, even if you're without intentions and just want the platonic stuff, go for it, hang out with her, and if she seems to be a bit too much and you still don't want anything, be honest with her and tell her you're mostly interested in friendship.

 

[ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc]

Oh, the INTPs and their complete unawareness about their own intentions.

Nice observation. Unfortunately it's not enough to be correct. INTPs have ambiguous intentions. Surely a concept that blows our mind. If you aren't aware of it, that's fine, but it's not the same as the INTP not being aware.

 

[sammael]

INTPs have ambiguous intentions. Surely a concept that blows our mind.

That's a good way to put it, it's only too true. hwell:

Today after uni we went to the beach (just me and her) and stayed there until it got dark and cold. We both kind of opened up, I told her about the messy situation I've been in with a girl for the last couple of years that I recently got out of (late last year), she told me about her relationship of four years that ended not so well about a year ago, and which I gathered has made her a little wary of relationships. She said several times without any kind of prompting or pre-empting from me that, "Relationships are stupid." I kind of picked up her reasons for saying this piece by piece over the course of the conversation, such things as she doesn't like depending a lot on a boyfriend for her happiness and entertainment (although this may be due to being let down in the past), and what happens when a relationship gets messy and complicated (once again, this may be due to experiences, both her own and of her parents who had a messy divorce when she was younger). She didn't seem too impressed with the idea, but I'm kind of guessing that's probably not going to hold her back all that much(?), I don't know.

We discussed how people often jump into relationships so quickly without really knowing the other person, and how that's not such a good idea. I told her I've spent a lot of time around females (both family/sisters and cousins, and friends) and I don't automatically view them in a sexual/romantic way like a lot of guys do. I just enjoy the company, the different perspectives, and the friendship. I told her I'm not relationship orientated, just friendship orientated, although I didn't specifically refer that to her, which I probably should have. I get the feeling that she doesn't really know what she wants, and as for me, that whole ambiguous intentions business is causing me confusion. Is conflict between the head and the heart relevant for/to INFJs?

 

[yepunsarang]

Yes, very relevant. At least in my case, and I believe with a lot of INFJs, we are romantics and dreamers but with a good head on our shoulders (if mature). I often listen to my heart because I trust my gut instincts, which are usually right. But often with matters of relationships and all I'm very, very cautious because of the stakes. So even if I might have feelings for a guy, I hold it in for a long time... maybe even months and I harbor those emotions. I struggle with them until I come to a consensus between my heart and mind. Then, I allow myself to act. I say be comfortable as possible with the ambiguity. It's a good thing BOTH of you aren't sure. It'd be really tough on you or her if one of you did have strong emotions already and the other didn't so much. Seems like there's some great potential, but just go step by step.

 

[Rferraris]

Yeah, she's definitely interested and thinking about relattionship potentials!

As an INFJ if a guy asks me if I want to do something together alone I would assume he has some sort of romantic interest and would react very enthusiastically if interested, or be very hesitant and vague (maybe saying somethin along the lines of 'yeah sure, sometime maybe') if I only felt platonically. Maybe others wont agree with me, but any sort of doubt in any way would have me extremely hesitant. If you really aren't wanting anything romantic, please tread carefully!

Also, I agree with Kgal. Reading your post, it sounds like subconciously you might like to give this girl a chance

Either way, good luck to you

I would say this, except Neverwhere said it first. And I'm not a girl.

 

[Rferraris]

"
C. Cal. MindTraipse
INTP - The Thinkers



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I'm confused. Am I INTP or INFJ??
I came across a description of INFJ that got me thinking. Basically, I’m doubting my type. I’m new to personality typology, but I understand that both INTP’s and INFJ’s can act as social chameleons.

The following description is what got me thinking:

"Preface:
The INFJ personality type is by in large most misunderstood type. This is mainly do to the incompetence of MBTI implementation, by introducing personality types by a single description. Nobody was ever meant to match up perfectly to a single description. The MBTI descriptions are really only describing what the personality type will be like if they have only their top two functions developed. You see if a personality has well developed lower functions, or a well developed Tertiary and under developed Auxiliary, then they will contradict the description. The only real way to grasp a personality type is if you took a whole free range of many different models of said personality type, and let people swim around in it. But you can't really do that on the internet, or in a book now can you? This is why I advise you all to stop relying on matching people to internet descriptions, and start experiencing the Cognitive functions and personality types on your in, in the real world.

"Now while just about every type is in some way misunderstood to the vast majority of the MBTI community, the INFJ in particular was hit the hardest. There is an interesting phenomenon with the INFJ that I am pointing out in this thread: Depending on how an INFJ has developed, they can express their use of cognitive functions in ways that are radically different than other INFJ. There are INFJ that seem like T's, or S's, INFJs that seem like Extroverts or even Ps. INFJs that want to go out and save the world, and then INFJs that just want to shit on everything. The purpose of this thread is to introduce you into the possible models that INFJs in the world can turn out to be. Some them good, some of them bad, some of them just plain weird. While I am splitting INFJs into sub-types in this thread, keep in mind that none of them are a single sub-type, some of these sub-types mark a single ability that every INFJ has access to. This thread only explores the possible forms one might take when they are using the Ni-Fe-Ti-Se apparatus.




"The Academic: This kind of INFJ is more often than not, confused for an INTJ, or even INTP. They still want to change the world and progress man kind in some way, but sometimes you got to play by science’s rules to cover any ground. While their focus in some way is usually still on people, they approach their research from a very academic and scientific stand point, without necessarily going out to personally teach the world in the INFJ mentor like way you would expect. Naturally these INFJs have a very well developed Ti, so well developed that they themselves would consider themselves thinkers before considering themselves feelers. But make no mistake; this is not Ni-Te they are using. Ni-Fe has a very distinct perception of worldview, and it can be maybe sense out of in a very logical manner using their Ti tertiary. But it is still just Ti’ed Ni-Fe. The Academics often do not use their Fe as warmly as the others might, this is for two reasons: Academia is srs bsns and when delivering facts and upholding an aura of authority, you don’t to look like a used car sales man. This is also because while they are talking, they are often running what they are going to say through Ti in real time, just to make sure everything is locally coherent. When you use Ti it withdrawals us from the world of personal connections, so it will actually deadpan and drop the emotion on your face (being an INTP myself, that is one I know all too well). If you grew up around a lot of Ti users, you are probably going to come out pretty similar to this, as an INFJ. Considering from day one, you really needed to have your theories tightened up in order for anyone to take you seriously. Sure it might have been brutal at first, but look at the bright side, now you have a really sweet Ti to help you take on the world with!
Fictional Examples: Professor Charles Xavier (X-Men)
Real-Life Examples: Dr. Drew, Paul Eckman, Carl Jung (Controversy time!)


The Method Actor

“Everybody knows you never go full retard”

This one right here, my friends, might just be the reason you INFJs have been documented as the rarest of types. Oh the power of the persona, when you project and image, people will create your identity based on that image, regardless of what is actually going on in your head. This marks an extremely uncanny ability that you INFJ folk have. The INFJ can invent an character within their Ni-Fe. They can write an entire story of their life, their family, their experience, their fears, their motivations, their quirks and mannerisms all within their Ni. Then when the time comes, then can channel that character into their Fe and Se to perfectly embody that role, in ways that can be so nuanced that you might not even know you are looking at the same person. Even if acting isn’t your thing, every INFJ still has this in them, and it often comes out in other ways. An INFJ could enter a completely foreign country, and within weeks, or even days, completely master their culture, and maybe even accent."

For a complete read, here is the link: The Many Faces of INFJ - INTP Forum

I am without a doubt a method actor. I create persons and become them, acting them out for myself or for close friends. But I was thinking that this could also be due to my INTP-ness. I mirror, absorb and take with me every person I know, so that, in a sense, I am as many people as I know. I can impersonate all of them rather well, even ‘become them’ in my attempt to identify with their perspective. I think of it as the synthesis of introjection and projection (introjecting their attributes and projecting, or ascribing, them onto a character canvas of my creation based on their person).

I identify with most of the INFJ attributes, including the fact that I'm often typecasted as an extrovert by people who don't know me well, although this probably has something to do with me being 7w6. But in my defense for INTP, the following link (almost wholly) encapsulates my thought processes (which absolutely brilliant in its INTP depiction): An INTP Profile

Now when you get into the cognitive functions, it gets tricky, because I consider myself well rounded due to my quest to develop my many characters in addition to my ‘general person.’ I know I must contain the four primary functions which compose my type, but after reading through all of them, I’m remain unsure. I’m definitely introverted and intuitive (I can't decide between Ne and Ni) and I’m pretty confident in saying that I’m not INFP or INTJ, as I’m definitely Ti primary. Which leaves the aforementioned INTP and INFJ.

Are there any other INTP’s who identify with this mirroring and ‘method-acting?’ Could I be the "academic INFJ" fooling myself and masquerading as an INTP? Or am I an INTP who has developed his ‘FJ-ness,’ for my lack of a better term?


The only major contraindication to INFJ is that I’m the opposite of emotional (I don’t know if INFJ's are well-known for being emotional). I can’t remember the last time I cried (it was before I was ten), although, at times, I do wish I could cry and experience a true purge, a massive-attack of catharsis–just to let everything out. It’s very rare that this thought occurs to me, but it happens. So I’m not big on feelings, though they can surprise me with my yearning for them.

If anyone can help me out with this tizz, I hugely appreciate your input!!
Last edited by C. Cal. MindTraipse; 11-21-2011 at 09:18 PM.
sly, arabia and koalaroo thanked this post.
"

I've been in a bad place and some of the attributes I normally have, have closed down. I've for now sort of turned inward and just want to be alone.

I found this post, very long, above and wonder what others would make of it. I identified with the second
part "The Academic..." pretty well. If there's any truth, then maybe it's why I don't always feel like an INFJ. That common?