Random people I don't know telling me to be careful with ENTP friend

[soulseeker]

It seems as if every time we are out together, there are random people coming up to me and saying:

"Be careful with him."

"He's not what he appears."

"He's not a nice guy."


I don't get people. So I'm not understanding why some people I don't know would come out of nowhere and say stuff like this.

This is sort of difficult for me, so much that I've withdrawn from him a lot and it's really not fair to him or me. The whole thing is making me suspicious from a logical standpoint, but in my heart, I feel he is misunderstood.

Can anyone give me any insight into what may be going on here? This has been bugging me a bit. Thanks ahead.

I don't my misunderstood friend is an ENTP.. but a lot of people don't like her and they think she's very very moody and she is most of the times.. she would seem insensitive to others...

but... I know she's MISUNDERSTOOD.. because other people don't TRY to know the person more and they just judge them right away from what they think that person is and what that person seems to be and what other people tell them about that certain person.. and I KNOW that she's a nice person.. she cares for people ... she is a REAL FRIEND

yes it is unfair for that person.. maybe try to get to know him more.. and if you don't think he's like what other people tell him then be friends with him...

there are A LOT of people like that.. and your relationship with him is different with his relationship with other people

and you know.. a lot of people like the GOOD PEOPLE... and what is good for them anyway? someone who does not stand up for themselves because they just want to keep quiet and avoid conflicts?.. the people who don't want to speak out even when they're oppressed .. that's what most people like... those are the GOOD AND KIND PEOPLE... <-- my friend is very outspoken and she speaks her mind but is still sensitive and people don't like her because she's vocal about things .. she's not even insensitive.. and they compare her to what they see as "KIND PEOPLE"... seriously.. is standing there not doing anything when in fact you know something is wrong and you have to take action GOOD? <-- and that IS WHY they don't like my friend

so... maybe.. maybe they don't know your friend in the same level you know him

 

[WellNoWonder]

Wow, you know like they say, you INFJ's have to keep away from us ENTP's.

After all we all cold, heartless beings that walk the planet.
All we will do is use you and manipulate you for our own evil schemes, you are nothing to us but emotional prostitutes, which pay you with our hatred for the world.
We will fill your minds with lies.

Listen, and heed their warnings.... stay away from us, especially Shai Gar.

What I've come to know with the ENTPs I do know, is that a lot of people are offended by them just living and walking this planet. I have been guilty of this, UNTIL, I learned that people are just people. From my standpoint, despising the core of someone unknown to you is very hurtful, but then, I am an INFJ of course. And generally from the people I do know who are ENTPs, they don't give a rat's ass, but I do.

We don't need defence, we just need support.

I got you.

 

[WellNoWonder]

So what your saying is he has lots of enemies... they may be telling the truth, but they are no doubt his enemies never the less.

I don't they're his enemies, I just dont think they're his friends.

 

[WellNoWonder]

People are made up differently. Not all types of people have that strong need for connection with others. Usually those who have an intense desire to connect and needs others to feel complete are the ones who are most devastated when the connection has been cut off while they are still deeply emotionally involved.

Some people do not need others to complete themselves and to meet their needs, so to maintain a connection with others may not be high in their agenda. These people may not have as much of a problem to cut off any connection which they feel are no longer valuable to them. It is not to say these people are inhuman or have no feelings. They just have different priorities and different instinctual needs in life.

Unfortunately, you need to find someone who values the mutual connection as much as you do. It is the same with romantic relationship, you will be much better off being with someone who values you as much as you value him, and loves you as much as you love him if not more.

I'm sorry but I am truly not understanding your message.

I have a truly deep connection with him. I am simply not understanding others need to tell me to be cautious. I may be assuming that other humans proceed with caution as I do, but maybe most don't.

 

[WellNoWonder]

It's just experience teaches me to look for people's hot buttons and try not to press it. Being manipulative is often better than outright conflict with someone, even if that's the reputation we earn as a result.

I'd get angry too because those people are the source of my troubles and they keep coming after me with their unshakable moral beliefs.

Not sure if that's what you are looking for.

Actually this makes perfect sense. He told me he chooses not to argue with people because of his temper, so he'll manipulate the conversation so the other person thinks he won the argument, and off he goes. Which is what he wanted in the first place....

All these ENTPs in this thread are making me hot. lol

 

[WellNoWonder]

I don't my misunderstood friend is an ENTP.. but a lot of people don't like her and they think she's very very moody and she is most of the times.. she would seem insensitive to others...

but... I know she's MISUNDERSTOOD.. because other people don't TRY to know the person more and they just judge them right away from what they think that person is and what that person seems to be and what other people tell them about that certain person.. and I KNOW that she's a nice person.. she cares for people ... she is a REAL FRIEND

yes it is unfair for that person.. maybe try to get to know him more.. and if you don't think he's like what other people tell him then be friends with him...

there are A LOT of people like that.. and your relationship with him is different with his relationship with other people

and you know.. a lot of people like the GOOD PEOPLE... and what is good for them anyway? someone who does not stand up for themselves because they just want to keep quiet and avoid conflicts?.. the people who don't want to speak out even when they're oppressed .. that's what most people like... those are the GOOD AND KIND PEOPLE... <-- my friend is very outspoken and she speaks her mind but is still sensitive and people don't like her because she's vocal about things .. she's not even insensitive.. and they compare her to what they see as "KIND PEOPLE"... seriously.. is standing there not doing anything when in fact you know something is wrong and you have to take action GOOD? <-- and that IS WHY they don't like my friend

so... maybe.. maybe they don't know your friend in the same level you know him

*sigh* i love you. lol. wait...did i say that? dang i did. well I love you.

 

[Tulip]

I'm sorry but I am truly not understanding your message.

I have a truly deep connection with him. I am simply not understanding others need to tell me to be cautious. I may be assuming that other humans proceed with caution as I do, but maybe most don't.

My message was a response to Morgain's posts on this thread.

Other people may have seen something else which you have not seen in him when you are in such a close relationship with him. Sometimes it is easy to miss the bigger picture when you are too close. These people may mean well for your own good. There is no harm to be cautious though. It is always up to you to make the final judgement.

 

[BlinkandThink]

What I've come to know with the ENTPs I do know, is that a lot of people are offended by them just living and walking this planet. I have been guilty of this, UNTIL, I learned that people are just people. From my standpoint, despising the core of someone unknown to you is very hurtful, but then, I am an INFJ of course. And generally from the people I do know who are ENTPs, they don't give a rat's ass, but I do.

This is where Fe comes in handy. When I was younger, I didn't have this at all which would probably be a surprising fact (surprising to some, not to others) to people who know me now. I would just say whatever I logically thought, and I'd say it bluntly, because honesty was important to me.

Honesty is still important to me, but now it's blended with an abundance of compassion. Sometimes I think giving my honest opinion is the compassionate thing to do. Other times I think it's what needs to be done regardless of how "nice" it is. Other times, I think it's better to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I get this wrong, but there's always compassion behind it.

 

[BenW]

 

[WellNoWonder]

you are my fuckin kinda dude man....rep up for this..... roflmao

 

[WellNoWonder]

My message was a response to Morgain's posts on this thread.

Other people may have seen something else which you have not seen in him when you are in such a close relationship with him. Sometimes it is easy to miss the bigger picture when you are too close. These people may mean well for your own good. There is no harm to be cautious though. It is always up to you to make the final judgement.

got ya. I see what you are saying.

 

[sumone]

The Process of Victimization

For a long time, I wondered why manipulation victims have a hard time seeing what really goes on in manipulative interactions. At first, I was tempted to fault them. But I've learned that they get hoodwinked for some very good reasons:

1. A manipulator's aggression is not obvious. Our gut may tell us that they're fighting for something, struggling to overcome us, gain power, or have their way, and we find ourselves unconsciously on the defensive. But because we can't point to clear, objective evidence they're aggressing against us, we can't readily validate our feelings.
   
2. The tactics manipulators use can make it seem like they're hurting, caring, defending, ..., almost anything but fighting. These tactics are hard to recognize as merely clever ploys. They always make just enough sense to make a person doubt their gut hunch that they're being taken advantage of or abused. Besides, the tactics not only make it hard for you to consciously and objectively tell that a manipulator is fighting, but they also simultaneously keep you or consciously on the defensive. These features make them highly effective psychological weapons to which anyone can be vulnerable. It's hard to think clearly when someone has you emotionally on the run.
   
3. All of us have weaknesses and insecurities that a clever manipulator might exploit. Sometimes, we're aware of these weaknesses and how someone might use them to take advantage of us. For example, I hear parents say things like: "Yeah, I know I have a big guilt button."

 

[Norton]

Don't judge someone by what others say. Direct experience is the only way.

OTOH, you should never start out trusting someone. You end up trusting someone. That is, trust is earned, and this can take a long time.

 

[soulseeker]

*sigh* i love you. lol. wait...did i say that? dang i did. well I love you.

ahahahah love you too!!!!!!!!

that's a power hug ahahahahahahha

 

[WellNoWonder]

The Process of Victimization


For a long time, I wondered why manipulation victims have a hard time seeing what really goes on in manipulative interactions. At first, I was tempted to fault them. But I've learned that they get hoodwinked for some very good reasons:

1. A manipulator's aggression is not obvious. Our gut may tell us that they're fighting for something, struggling to overcome us, gain power, or have their way, and we find ourselves unconsciously on the defensive. But because we can't point to clear, objective evidence they're aggressing against us, we can't readily validate our feelings.
   
2. The tactics manipulators use can make it seem like they're hurting, caring, defending, ..., almost anything but fighting. These tactics are hard to recognize as merely clever ploys. They always make just enough sense to make a person doubt their gut hunch that they're being taken advantage of or abused. Besides, the tactics not only make it hard for you to consciously and objectively tell that a manipulator is fighting, but they also simultaneously keep you or consciously on the defensive. These features make them highly effective psychological weapons to which anyone can be vulnerable. It's hard to think clearly when someone has you emotionally on the run.
   
3. All of us have weaknesses and insecurities that a clever manipulator might exploit. Sometimes, we're aware of these weaknesses and how someone might use them to take advantage of us. For example, I hear parents say things like: "Yeah, I know I have a big guilt button."

 

[WellNoWonder]

Don't judge someone by what others say. Direct experience is the only way.

OTOH, you should never start out trusting someone. You end up trusting someone. That is, trust is earned, and this can take a long time.

Point taken and thank you.

 

[WellNoWonder]

Oh and a question within this thread...

Those who have dealth with manipulative people, what were your experiences like, or shall I start a new thread???

One of the things I do is wait for the straw to break the camel's back, but that's after withdrawing once I've seen something about the person I really do not like. Once that characteristic manifests itself in action, I am able to cut the person off immediately and cleanly.

 

[INFJesus]

Because we like to talk positively amongst ourselves. NF's rarely touch on the subject of our dark side.
We however, are apparently the masters of manipulation and deception.
However because our motivation for such manipulation and deception is most likely rooted in hiding our own shame, we feel it is often justified and therefore do not recognize our mastery of it.

I have considered starting a thread on the subject several times.
But I imagine no one would post in it.

 

[WellNoWonder]

Because we like to talk positively amongst ourselves. NF's rarely touch on the subject of our dark side.
We however, are apparently the masters of manipulation and deception.
However because our motivation for such manipulation and deception is most likely rooted in hiding our own shame, we feel it is often justified and therefore do not recognize our mastery of it.

I have considered starting a thread on the subject several times.
But I imagine no one would post in it.

I believe this. I am very good at manipulation and deception, and not saying it like I'm proud of it, because I'm usually in a panic state when I do it. Particularly when I'm feeling like I am backed into an emotional corner, so to speak. My mind starts coming up with all these twisted ways to get what I want, and they usually work. But the fallout afterwards is never pretty....

 

[INFJesus]

I believe this. I am very good at manipulation and deception, and not saying it like I'm proud of it, because I'm usually in a panic state when I do it. Particularly when I'm feeling like I am backed into an emotional corner, so to speak. My mind starts coming up with all these twisted ways to get what I want, and they usually work. But the fallout afterwards is never pretty....

There are theories in MBTI based clinical psychology the describe what each of the 4 temperaments do when they go into survival mode. So it is probabale that these behaviors would more likely manifest themselves when you are in fact, feeling backed into a corner so to speak.
Of course it's nothing to be proud of. But we do what we have to, to survive. NFs do not like to be shamed or to be inauthentic. This apparently amounts to death for us.
Maybe I will make the thread after all, at least you would be willing to discuss it :whoo: