Regarding forum conflicts (please read)

Elis

Elis

Permanent Fixture
MBTI
ENFJ
Recently there has been some disputed conflicts, and in most cases I understand why these things are debated - there are often very fundamental ideas colliding. With many people here being Ni users a lot of people will be very set in their ways and maybe you feel like you need to push it onto others to really get to them, but are you really getting much out of it?

I don't mean to say that there shouldn't be any debates, I think it is very important to have open discussions on various matters, but I think it is important to be mindful of how you go about it. A lot of the time I feel like arguments aren't held in an open manner. I get that you don't want to budge on your own moral ideals etc., but not giving room for the others breeds a very hostile environment. Even when you're in the right.


I know that it isn't always appreciated when I butt in like this, and I don't mean to rant, but I feel like it often gets much more hostile than it needs to be, and I think it can be discouraging to people. There is more that could be said about this, but I'm wondering - is this really where we want the forum to be?

I apologize for the directed question, but I personally think we could be doing so much better without giving up much.
 
agree, too many threads are derailed with unnecessary conflict because of some silly comment someone made. I've learned that you don't always have to comment on someone's post if you don't like or support what they say. Sometimes, it's best to leave it alone or "let it go." Not every negative comment has to become the start of a debate. I agree with OP, that it makes people less likely to post or comment in a thread if the thread becomes more about members arguing or throwing insults.

Edit: It's also less productive. Then it launches into circular reasoning.
 
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I love this forum! No other place on the internet will you find a thread that ask for the best of the forum (what I know of).

Well done, Elis!
And I agree with you.
 
I agree…and I’ve had my fair share of debates for sure.
Very often people resort to personal attacks or make allusions and assumptions about each other that are meant to be insulting.

I have noticed too that most often it involves two different MBTI types…and often it seems to be started from a misunderstanding or lack of proper communication more than anything (which we could expect a bit of being mostly introverts…but there really are some socially-retarded people out there too).

It's fine to debate, and even have a heated debate from time to time…but a debate is not a debate when the person you are talking to is unwilling to look at things from another perspective - it’s just an argument then and quite pointless.
 
I think Giorgio Tsoukalos has this figured out

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(This is just a visual reminder for me to have an element of lightheartedness - to be reminded of the concept of lila every once in a while. If I have a thought or opinion, and someone has a thought or opinion seemingly completely opposite of mine, then I can understand both thoughts better. But I can't get over my attachment to my own thought without taking 'myself' a little more lightly first.)
 
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My reaction to some threads is pretty much just

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Agreed. It's good to see somebody saying what I'm thinking.

There's constructive debate in which opposing ideas are discussed in a civilized manner. Then some tool pops in and tries to shove their bigoted ideas down somebody's throat and refuses to even consider discussing it like an adult. I also can't stand people that try to limit or police what I say because they simply disagree with my views. If you disagree, don't whine like a little butt-hurt baby and start taking what I say out of context. Provide a legitimate counter-argument. One last point; I heavily dislike those that keep going on and on, and will not stop arguing because they can't accept that I provided a fact and proved myself correct. They'll keep arguing until the only weapon they have left is to back down and suggest that I 'calm down, it's just a joke'. This is the biggest red-flag that confirms they have nothing else to offer.
 
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Skarekrow said:
It's fine to debate, and even have a heated debate from time to time…but a debate is not a debate when the person you are talking to is unwilling to look at things from another perspective - it’s just an argument then and quite pointless.
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I would call it a discussion, when your looking for an agreement. Debate is just banging eachothers head and tell eachother "NO, I AM right!!!"
But it might be wrong making that distincting, and it can even be wrong to make it in English. I don't know.
 
Heated discussions are fine and good, I don't think that people should accept everything, but people shouldn't feel pushed out of the discussion either.
What bugs me is the opposing views that a lot of people have. "I respect everyone's opinions" vs. "Don't act that way, you're not discussing the way that I want you to".
Rousseau said "i disagree with what you say but i will defend to the death your right to say it", and that's what a forum should be. Not a bunch of butt-hurt babies that can't take a nudge every once in a while.
 
ezra said:
Heated discussions are fine and good, I don't think that people should accept everything, but people shouldn't feel pushed out of the discussion either.
What bugs me is the opposing views that a lot of people have. "I respect everyone's opinions" vs. "Don't act that way, you're not discussing the way that I want you to".
Rousseau said "i disagree with what you say but i will defend to the death your right to say it", and that's what a forum should be. Not a bunch of butt-hurt babies that can't take a nudge every once in a while.
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An old, wise man once said not to debate politics or religion.

You've got to stand for something, or you'll fall for anything.

I'm stuck in between, so we'll see from whom the bell tolls.

"Butt-hurt babies?" Really.
 
In any gathering of minds, much like this forum, there will be debate, there will be conflict. We are each one of us an individual with a separate set of ideals. Although we can agree with others on certain things, few can ever match one's own distinct ideals wholly. The problems arise, however, when these ideas and ideals are challenged. This can make people defensive.

When this happens, there are a few different ways people react to it. You'll have some who walk away, you'll have others who antagonize, and even more that rally to the argument with pom-poms screaming "fight fight fight!". This is just human nature. And since we are armored in the anonymity of an online forum, the self-righteousness lurking in many of us tends to rear its ugly head.

I too have been guilty of derailing a thread and by no means do I intend to do it. I think most of us have at some point in our time here. This little guy :focus: helps quite a bit and we should all feel free to use it. If that doesn't work, someone could suggest the offenders politely take their debate to pm's. If that still doesn't work, do what I do when my nephew is having a tantrum- ignore the outburst, step right over the kid, and continue doing whatever it was you were doing.
 
It honestly doesn't bother me if there are heated debates or opinions that arise that are in complete opposition to one another. I often find myself in debates with people and have on MULTIPLE occasions been called sociopathic and psychopathic because my viewpoint is in contrast to other people's. I find it really bizarre and distasteful to make assumptions to that degree about people and quite frankly I feel disgusted when people move into personal attacks against someone who doesn't agree with what they have to say. To me, resulting in personal attacks shows a distinct lack of integrity and it gets really tiring to deal with.

There's a difference between having a strong emotion about someone's idea and who a person actually is in the real world. For all the feelers and people who appoint themselves as being "intuitive" it's really hilarious to me how quickly things can erode into panicked insults when their belief system is challenged. It's toxic.

But I really do love seeing good debates and differing opinions coming up. You cannot know what you do believe until someone presents you with something you don't believe.
 
OOOps. Didn't see that one, I suppose. I claim ignorance.
 
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