Fruiteloop
Newbie
- MBTI
- INFP
When thinking about myself being introverted this strange sensation always comes up in me where I do not have or rather I have this way of holding myself back.
Most people I think do not hold back. They have beliefs, feelings, urges they give into completely.
Right now I have this lump in my uvula making it feel like I have to swallow.
I have heard people say as a common phrase "just swallow the pain".
That seems like good advise accept I am introverted, extraverts might be able to do such and such motions as to get it all down, or they act out to release it.
With me I guess I've been telling myself a simpler phase. "I have no emotions".
This means I do not have to attach them to anything and they can just exist as they are because if they did not I'd have to hit something or yell at someone or believe in something (which is hard to do because most times I do not "feel" anything is there to believe in)
I think attachments are the root of many reasons we hold onto pain.
Something exterior to us we latch onto makes us push it into what's is outside us.
So for example if you believe in God then that gives you willpower to do certain things that otherwise would be forced into other external things. Because God usually is for you and not against you this drives you the same way it would if you had other positive relationships in your life. Without this then many people put there willpower into other things that they want other attachments other than relationships.
I find it difficult to put my willpower into relationship though - brings up emotional pain.
So I am looking into how attachments work.
Fighting is a quicker way to deal with painful attachments.
Yet this can also lead to empty feelings.
By telling myself "I have not emotions" what I am really doing is saying to myself that my attachments do not need to control me. Because when I feel controlled by the outside world emotionally it drains my willpower. I understand in an intellectual way that no one is to blame for how I feel it is only that I have often felt the need to correct others and by holding back it drains me so much I never have time to rest. I have always felt bad that other people have wrong ideas because of my experience of judgments from them. So now I have come to some reconciliation with that notion and feel less judged. This has made possible in me to handle what seems to me to be the source of drain. That I can now gain willpower I lost in all those attachments I had external to myself.
Now I do not mean to dismiss anyone who has any form of religion because that gives people something to hold onto.
I only wish to convey that most times we gain more from the external than the internal and that's most of how people experience religion.
Usually we own something emotionally and this drive which is associated with willpower helps us feel in control and stable.
I always feel negative things but keep in control because of my deep ethical nature that keeps me from most externalization.
I happen to now understand that it was in keeping with this way to stop myself from getting into worse relationship situations.
It is within my power to stop feeling bad about things so long as I keep practicing patience with myself, that most things are painful but not my fault.
There is nothing external to me that I need force myself onto nor is there anything I need to do to feel better other than knowing myself as I am.
It is prevalent in society to want external control.
There is a balance whether you seek it in a religion or not.
The best I can do is to try and get around the internal obstacles that prevent me from doing so.
Most people I think do not hold back. They have beliefs, feelings, urges they give into completely.
Right now I have this lump in my uvula making it feel like I have to swallow.
I have heard people say as a common phrase "just swallow the pain".
That seems like good advise accept I am introverted, extraverts might be able to do such and such motions as to get it all down, or they act out to release it.
With me I guess I've been telling myself a simpler phase. "I have no emotions".
This means I do not have to attach them to anything and they can just exist as they are because if they did not I'd have to hit something or yell at someone or believe in something (which is hard to do because most times I do not "feel" anything is there to believe in)
I think attachments are the root of many reasons we hold onto pain.
Something exterior to us we latch onto makes us push it into what's is outside us.
So for example if you believe in God then that gives you willpower to do certain things that otherwise would be forced into other external things. Because God usually is for you and not against you this drives you the same way it would if you had other positive relationships in your life. Without this then many people put there willpower into other things that they want other attachments other than relationships.
I find it difficult to put my willpower into relationship though - brings up emotional pain.
So I am looking into how attachments work.
Fighting is a quicker way to deal with painful attachments.
Yet this can also lead to empty feelings.
By telling myself "I have not emotions" what I am really doing is saying to myself that my attachments do not need to control me. Because when I feel controlled by the outside world emotionally it drains my willpower. I understand in an intellectual way that no one is to blame for how I feel it is only that I have often felt the need to correct others and by holding back it drains me so much I never have time to rest. I have always felt bad that other people have wrong ideas because of my experience of judgments from them. So now I have come to some reconciliation with that notion and feel less judged. This has made possible in me to handle what seems to me to be the source of drain. That I can now gain willpower I lost in all those attachments I had external to myself.
Now I do not mean to dismiss anyone who has any form of religion because that gives people something to hold onto.
I only wish to convey that most times we gain more from the external than the internal and that's most of how people experience religion.
Usually we own something emotionally and this drive which is associated with willpower helps us feel in control and stable.
I always feel negative things but keep in control because of my deep ethical nature that keeps me from most externalization.
I happen to now understand that it was in keeping with this way to stop myself from getting into worse relationship situations.
It is within my power to stop feeling bad about things so long as I keep practicing patience with myself, that most things are painful but not my fault.
There is nothing external to me that I need force myself onto nor is there anything I need to do to feel better other than knowing myself as I am.
It is prevalent in society to want external control.
There is a balance whether you seek it in a religion or not.
The best I can do is to try and get around the internal obstacles that prevent me from doing so.
