sassafras
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- MBTI
- .
I don't doubt that appealing to people's fears and insecurities would yoke them into your orbit, but you can only game-play for so long until you end up getting played by the game too. You'll always have to be on your toes, as these relationships are not built on trust and affection, but manipulation. Subconsciously, this kind of thinking infects your worldview and breeds a suspicious and jealous character. You'll always be anticipating other people to have shady intentions, and look for ways to hurt others before they hurt you. At that point, dating becomes less about establishing a genuine connection with someone and more about power-plays and a trade in social currency.
And maybe that's okay for some people. But it doesn't change the fact that, under the surface, the point of all this game-playing is an attempt to shield yourself from getting hurt because deep down inside, you're grappling with deep-seated feelings of inadequacy.
However way you play it, romantic relationships are always a gamble and they always come with a risk. You cannot avoid being vulnerable in one way or another. If you accept your vulnerabilities and trust that you will be able to pick yourself up after a fall, you won't feel as if you're risking as much by opening yourself up to lose from time to time. In the meantime, you'll eventually fine tune yourself to establish a real, honest connection with another person. If you aren't prepared to face yourself, on the other hand, your relationships will be more like sandbags to keep you from facing those fears, living a life of suspicion and paranoia and a nagging fear of rejection.
I'm of the opinion that when someone makes it abundantly clear that they don't want to build a life with you, you ought to cut your losses and find someone who appreciates you for the real you. It's one thing to say, 'rargh, I'm doing it for revenge' but in the end, what you're really doing is hanging around and staying emotionally involved in something that is a waste of your time and effort, waiting for that satisfactory payoff that may be a very long time coming.
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