Self-Esteem and Surroundings

[Odyne]

What social situations are you usually most positive in?

Situations where there are no social expectations, where I can act however I want, say whatever I want, and do whatever I want. That would usually include a couple of close friends or my family.

Professional settings I am also comfortable with. Everyone is expected to just mind their own job, not much room for people to meddle with my personal life, and if they try I can always say I'd like to keep it professional.

I prefer to separate work from play.

What situations are you most negative in?

Anything that requires strict or traditional social conducts that you are not allowed to break; weddings, funerals, sometimes big family dinners, holiday dinners, etc. It can get quite stressful.

Have you found that any type of person or personality will eventually bring you down?

The only time someone will bring you down is if you allow them to. That happened to me in past relationships when I was young and naive. I know better now.

What long-term relationships or situations/friends have helped build your self-esteem and vice versa?

I built my self-esteem on my own. I think that if it came from within it would be a lot sturdier and consistent in strength. I built it around my own skills and achievements, my own intellect, my own values and pride. I also removed any possible external influence in the process.



Knowing that you can feel good about yourself without the help of anyone or anything else is key to a better self esteem and having solid confidence in yourself.

 

[LGLPbeliever]

Knowing that you can feel good about yourself without the help of anyone or anything else is key to a better self esteem and having solid confidence in yourself.

This.

I've slowly come to realize this in the past couple of days. Now to just make the rest of myself accept the fact that I've got a lot of awesome qualities and that my self-esteem doesn't have to be based on my interactions with the outside world.

 

[LGLPbeliever]

There has also been a wealth of other good and helpful information on here. Thank God for the INFJ forum.

 

[namiasdf]

Knight In Battle. We might be two peas in a pod.
My best friend for 15 years is an INTP haha. I have to get away from him sometimes because he never wants to do anything but what he wants and knows how to get what he wants.
I've just learned to give in, but it's true, you need to get away from them sometimes.

You just have to assert yourself that you're being a good friend and accommodating their nuances, which we are so good at noticing in a person.
Use your strengths and recognize your weaknesses.

 

[jupiterswoon]

Ever since I graduated high school, I have volunteered my time for some endeavor. I still do and I love it. Giving back to my community gives me great pleasure, fulfillment and accomplishment. The smallest thing you do leaves a lasting impact on something or someone. This positive energy is gifted back to you in abundance. I cannot stress that enough.

"Friendships" never gave me any of those things. You will only find self esteem within yourself. It's not something that happens overnight, but a very slow process over time. Age will become your best friend. I HATED my early 20s. I love my age now and I love that at my age ... there is no such thing as age difference. I have many friends in their 50s. I love their no nonsense approach to life, no b.s., no facade, just ordinary people being their true self and respecting others for what makes them different. I suppose I tried to find this within friends during my early 20s and that is probably the reason I didn't have many friends at that time. LOL

I think Sriracha is onto something, because doing things that are fulfilling help to create esteem. If we are not doing anything productive with our lives, then I think it will be much harder to create esteem. In that sense- esteem is built by our actions and knowing our strengths. Its also nice to have a situation where there is community and a sense of meaning, where people are working together with a purpose.

 

[jupiterswoon]

What social situations are you usually most positive in?
I am positive in classrooms, the workplace, and at home. In these first two situations I am comfortable because I am there for a specific purpose, I enjoy casual bantering, and I can play with ideas, organization, or be recognized for my creativity.


What situations are you most negative in?
My mom's family- they are all IS- traditionalists that have low self-esteem and are emotionally/mentally draining as well as just downright depressing.

Other situations- generally ones where I am in a group of girls that I can't relate to- who are also IS- traditionalists, or extraverted feelers, I get tired of trying to relate to them.

So typically, it's situations with emotional people who haven't developed strong thinking abilities, that I have to watch make petty mistakes over and over again- it's exhausting.


Have you found that any type of person or personality will eventually bring you down?
Traditionalists! Can't stand them.

Also, I feel pretty uncomfortable with ENTJs, I feel like they just look at you once- decide if you've got any strengths they can use to their advantage, and then discard you if they feel that you have completed the duty. They are very cold, and very hard to read. I have just begun to appreciate their strengths though, I know some and they are great leaders- I just wouldn't really choose to hang out with them on my own time.

What long-term relationships or situations/friends have helped build your self-esteem and vice versa?
INTJs- my best friend and partner is an INTJ, and although sometimes I drive him crazy because if we are talking about an idea I tend to relate it to my personal morals and talk specifically about instances where said given moral would be okay or would not. I also drive him crazy because I do tend to be more emotional- but I also fulfill his emotional needs and make him feel important. It's a great relationship because he nurtures my thinking and rational processes, and I nurture his emotions.

ENFJs- they are supportive, good at integrating me into group situations, and I can relate to them immensely- although typically they are more developed socially, and I am more developed creatively. I always joke with them, that if we were combined into one person we would be a serious force to be reckoned with.

ENFPs- I love these people the most because they are fun! The only thing is, they can sometimes be fickle or isolating, or very sensitive. I think they are very similar to INFJs in that way. But I love them, because they are so fiery and worked up about whatever they are passionate about at the moment.


I like ISTPs and INFPs too, but I find INFPs very hard to read.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

I've read a few posts on here where self-esteem was mentioned and it intrigued me, especially because i'm in a lower self-esteem situation right now than usual. As an INFJ, it's recurring and of course expected, but I was wondering if anyone has found healthy ways of building up their own self-esteem? Being introverted, intuitive, and feeling has it's down sides when us INFJ's are given reasons to doubt ourselves, and then everything else comes crashing down as we constantly think about the problem. Trying to make yourself positive and confident usually doesn't work. At least that's my experience most of the time.

So... what social situations are you usually most positive in? What situations are you most negative in? Have you found that any type of person or personality will eventually bring you down? What long-term relationships or situations/friends have helped build your self-esteem and vice versa? (Any other questions along these lines that anyone can think of)

Letting go of self-esteem: letting it slide is strangely liberating. Being able to do something humiliating in public and not care is a hoot - and the effect is that you actually end up more confident for it. (Unless you go too far and end up a street bum).