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@sassafras - Negging was popularized by the book called "The Game" published in 2005.
Sh** tests
- Thread starter ClevelandINTP
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sassafras
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I'm aware. There's a number of published books on the topic of pick-up artistry and there's a number of extremely popular youtube channels and reddits out there on the subject of negging too. It's a well-established technique that men in the pick-up community use. There are a number of tangible sources you can point to and say, yes, this is where men discuss the technique and how to consciously and willfully implement it.
I'm just wondering if there's an equivalent handbook or online community rallying around shit-testing or the like for women. It might be called something different... because, thus far, the majority of the search results that come up for 'shit testing' are from PUA communities.
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@sassafras - I saw a few pages yesterday where female authors claimed "all women shit test" and explained why it is a good thing. Just chock it up to, "Another reason why I feel like a weirdo around most people."
sassafras
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Maybe this is something like gaslighting. Most people who gaslight don't consciously do it as a 'technique,' but its a thing... and the ones who figured out that it can be useful and encourage using it are a special kind of psycho.
Honestly, why are there so many dating guides out there that preach being an asshole to win love and influence? Are we really that hooked on variable rewards?
(The answer, I do realize, is yes).
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@sassafras - honestly, I think the internet has change how and what we value, including how we value fellow humans.
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I think it makes it worse. Anything people want is at their fingertips. This changes how people behave and interact. With dating there is always someone hotter, more beautiful/handsome, more interesting, a click away and an infinite number of people to meet. You don't like what is in front of you? Drop the person, ghost the person, click or swipe until you see the next person who catches your eye.
Not to mention, people are rude on the internet and a lot of bad behavior and ideas are encouraged. (It's much easier to find support for bad ideas, I mean, than pre-Internet.)
Not everyone is that way, but in a world of artifice, genuine people are truly strong.
ClevelandINTP
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I’ve seen it from people in their low 20s and damn-near 40s
Anecdotal of course
These people were sort of serial daters to some extent so maybe it’s been interwoven in the game in general
YouTube videos suggest it doesn’t have an age criteria based on who is the author and who their audience is
It’s “the game”
ClevelandINTP
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Never heard of negging until now. Sounds terrible
If shit tests are a spectrum, negging seems more on the abusive side
If shit tests are a spectrum, negging seems more on the abusive side
ClevelandINTP
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Looks like negging and shit tests are both designed to make the other person defend their position and seek validation
Validation seeking is generally considered a weakness or being needy in dating
Shitty people
Validation seeking is generally considered a weakness or being needy in dating
Shitty people
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How to avoid getting shit tested
Yikes. Earth swallow her whole and save her. Please let the aliens take her. Or the guy.
I somehow don't agree with this. I think the right relationship is about being able to better each other while being a haven for each other and sometimes that calls for rightfully placed exposition. At the right time, of course. In your own privacy, preferably.
Big Data Analytics. I think the internet is just a tool though. Time and again, something can come and shake up the social values like pretty glitches. Thus, it still depends on human society. It is true that virality is what's exacerbating all of this. Too much connectivity easily exposes us to infection.
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I'm a big fan of the Susan Sontag quote (about the Holocaust):
“10 percent of any population is cruel, no matter what, and 10 percent is merciful, no matter what, and the remaining 80 percent can be moved in either direction.”
The two ten percents are always working to promote their systems of mercy or cruelty. The remaining 80 percent are tugged in one or the other direction by trend, peer pressure, attempts to seem cool, etc.
This is human nature. Add the internet. Suddenly a web that once spanned only one garden covers the entire globe. The spider has access to all the merciful influencers and all the cruel influencers.
In this case, shit posting and negging, both bottom of the barrel ways to treat fellow humans, rise in popularity because it seems 'cool' and it is part of a game – a game where people are purposely not invested in the welfare of other humans and purposely avoiding deeper connection.
(((shrugs)))
“10 percent of any population is cruel, no matter what, and 10 percent is merciful, no matter what, and the remaining 80 percent can be moved in either direction.”
The two ten percents are always working to promote their systems of mercy or cruelty. The remaining 80 percent are tugged in one or the other direction by trend, peer pressure, attempts to seem cool, etc.
This is human nature. Add the internet. Suddenly a web that once spanned only one garden covers the entire globe. The spider has access to all the merciful influencers and all the cruel influencers.
In this case, shit posting and negging, both bottom of the barrel ways to treat fellow humans, rise in popularity because it seems 'cool' and it is part of a game – a game where people are purposely not invested in the welfare of other humans and purposely avoiding deeper connection.
(((shrugs)))
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The good thing about the internet is that everybody is fighting for a chance to be part of the ten percent. Hmm each population had its own 10-10 percent. This is an interesting view. So in a family of 10 for example, the probability is that the dad 10 percent and the mum the other 10. All 8 left should be divided equally.
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Not necessarily. Maybe two people in one family are the merciful 10% and two from another family are the cruel 10%, but even in a cruel 10% dominated family one of the kids could be a merciful 10%. It's really interesting to watch human behavior with the mentality that most of us are easily persuaded to act one way or another based on power, fear, ego, etc, and will just follow along with the crowd.
ClevelandINTP
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I should clarify that I feel a component of a relationship is supporting insecurities to a healthy degree
I don’t see how that wouldn’t possibly “better” the other person if it’s done in a healthy manner as stated
Do you not feel the need for validation ever, emotionally or physically? Why can’t you better yourself on your own?
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Sure I do. Otherwise, I wouldn't even be here. I am trying to better myself on my own. I see that your statement and my statement aren't really that different. You pointed out exposition as being the rather less preferred choice, I think exposition need not be a huge thing.
(I'm not really sure how the last two rhetorical sentences connect so I just answered.)