I feel like I would have found him to be hilarious but also not my friend
Also this. It's hard to tell where his heart was really at. I'm guessing it came from a good place but he felt that aggravating people was the most effective way of motivating them.
Down that road lies madness. The thought that 'I do humble things, but am I
really humble?' is just a trap, a bit like how we sometimes ask ourselves if charitable giving is really not just about making ourselves feel better.
If we aren't careful about doing this to ourselves and
to others, we may accidently create a culture of self-flagellation.
I actually think that the vast majority of people are humble, which is why those few who are truly arrogant really stand out a mile (Mr President).
(I may be going off on a tangent here, but I think it's all fundamentally about humility
Personally I've tried to cultivate a sense of knowing whether my outwardly charitable actions are really motivated by compassion or maintaining my own sense of self.
To be honest, most of the time I do things automatically out of
duty and
loyalty to a set of principles (that's a bit Kantian, I suppose).
Occasionally, however, I will feel moved and will act purely out of compassion. I will feel a 'welling up' of emotion and then a determination to help.
E.g. In terms of the homeless, which I've come to realise over the past few years
really fucking disturbs me, I promised myself to try to give something everytime I saw such a person in need, non judgementally. Occasionally I will talk and feel overwhelmed by compassion (it's hard to write this now, even - don't want to cry in Starbucks!), but most of the time it's just duty and cohering with my own principles and I'll throw some money in the hat and say 'take care' then go about my business.
So the motivations are both selfless (compassion) and selfish (my own sense of honour/whatever), but they seem to work together. It's like the man is listening to the child in me or something.
Is there anything wrong with this? If not, then I'm not sure we should worry about whether humility is felt in that moment or not, as long as it is
done.