Single for life...

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jimtaylor

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I'm starting to come around to the idea of being single for a good portion. I'm not one to say all or nothing, I'm just saying the idea is appealing. I've done relationships and though sex is great, it's not worth dealing with all the other problems that come with relationships. So being single for life is really starting to seem like an attractive choice. Anybody else of similar mindset? I mean I have sorts always wanted to be a dad but I could just always adopt or something. A partner isn't really necessary for that. It just feels like relationships for my age group are too superficial, shallow, boring, and drama filled.
 
i think you may feel differently in another five to ten years. perhaps not, but 21 is fairly young to make such a definite decision about something like that.
 
A prolonged period of singledom is probably not a bad idea in itself (indefinite though, more debatable perhaps). An approach that makes sense to me is simply to be quite selective of partners. That tends to extend the period of time that one is single to help level out or whatever, and is useful in the pursuit of better company... as in people who won't be quite so boring/superficial/dramatic/insert-pet-peeve-here.
 
JGirl said:
i think you may feel differently in another five to ten years. perhaps not, but 21 is fairly young to make such a definite decision about something like that.
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I agree. And you know what, you don't have to make a definite decision about this. Why not say "I am happy to be single for now," and leave it at that. Why do you feel like you have to make a permanent decision about this? Your feelings might change in a day, a week, a month, a year, or more. And that's perfectly okay and normal. Things and people change.
 
i respectfully disagree with all other responses. i think yoir decision is perfect. this way if you do end up changing your mind later you will know you are doing so because it is truly worthwhile and not just because of some social or cultural or even biological timeclock type alarm that you 'should' be with someone. power to you and your ability to choose the best life for you.
 
Maybe you just need to find the right person. If sex has been the only plus-side to being in a relationship for you, maybe you need to find someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with.
But, the idea of being single for long periods of time is also appealing, in ways. Being in a relationship is probably a lot of responsibility; I try to make the best of my current freedom. I can do anything I want. I don't have to call in every 24 hours. Yeah, life is good :)
 
I've thought about this myself before. I personally haven't been in a "real" relationship in 8 years and at such a young age I'm not sure you can call that a "real" relationship anyway. I don't know. The reasons why have a lot to do with not being able to trust anyone after that relationship. Having time to absorb into yourself can be a blessing, but really make sure it's a direction you really want to go before you make any kind of permanent decision on it. The downsides are incredibly painful.
 
JGirl said:
i think you may feel differently in another five to ten years. perhaps not, but 21 is fairly young to make such a definite decision about something like that.
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I agree. I am just thinking in present circumstances, being single for a relatively long period of time sounds very nice.


Whiskers said:
A prolonged period of singledom is probably not a bad idea in itself (indefinite though, more debatable perhaps). An approach that makes sense to me is simply to be quite selective of partners. That tends to extend the period of time that one is single to help level out or whatever, and is useful in the pursuit of better company... as in people who won't be quite so boring/superficial/dramatic/insert-pet-peeve-here.
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subwayrider said:
Maybe you just need to find the right person. If sex has been the only plus-side to being in a relationship for you, maybe you need to find someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with.
But, the idea of being single for long periods of time is also appealing, in ways. Being in a relationship is probably a lot of responsibility; I try to make the best of my current freedom. I can do anything I want. I don't have to call in every 24 hours. Yeah, life is good
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Actually I am very selective in my partners which is part of why being single sounds so nice. I invest a lot into my relationships which results in them seeming to be ideal from an outside perspective but is not true. I have actually had one really great relationship where we have gotten along in many ways and didn't really fight but when it came down to it, sex was what drove us a part. She was asexual, so its better to say that the lack of physical contact and intimacy drove us apart. Otherwise we got a long great. I loved and still love being in her company, doing things with her, taking her out but at the end of the day, the idea of intimacy never even crossed her mind as something that is important in relationships.


The problem is that after investing so much into a relationship and seemingly to have found the person that I emotionally, physically and psychologically connect to, to have it all end because of one thing that is truly out of our control is what turns me off of relationships in many ways.


Besides that one good one, the rest have not been so great and looking at other peoples experiences, dating is not all that fun. The idea of having to go out and get to know somebody, spend all the time and money just for a chance that you don't despise them. Sorry, it just doesn't sound that great. Of course I am not generalizing and swearing off women for the rest of my life but it may happen. I am just saying due to the immaturity of my age group and a conflict of interests that relationships at the moment is not worth the hassle.


invisible said:
i respectfully disagree with all other responses. i think yoir decision is perfect. this way if you do end up changing your mind later you will know you are doing so because it is truly worthwhile and not just because of some social or cultural or even biological timeclock type alarm that you 'should' be with someone. power to you and your ability to choose the best life for you.
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I had not really even thought of this in depth but I have to agree. I think it really touches another thought though, I am just tried of chasing as is the natural position of the male. I don't feel the need so much anymore to pursue something that really doesn't bring about joy that is equivalent to the amount of work put it. As i was thinking it that I could instead use the time on other more constructive matters like working on my career, writing, reading, traveling or essentially pursuing the things I enjoy to my hearts content. Now if a very special person comes around and changes everything, then I will not be one to complain.


Essentially what I am saying though, is that it pretty much has to be love at first sight. I am not interested in learning to love somebody because if you don't love somebody for who they are as they are, then there will always be issues of expectations not being met.

 
What I liked about being single was that I still counted as single if I only had gay sex....wait... oops.
 
So, basically:

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I made this decision, and the decision to be mute, then insontis hounded me, and changed my mind. I still herald it as the ideal. It's a strength of character that I find excessively appealing. I hate sheep. I just want to get out of being here what I am supposed to, and I think others distract from that, if you give them ultimate power to do so.

On the other hand, I have to check myself, because I think being alone is easier for me, and I excell at it, so therein lies my desire, and my viewing it as a strength. I think being in a relationship which forces me to compromise takes far more strength for me personally.
 
I more or less agree with you OP. Not for life, but perhaps 1-2 relationships every decade lasting for a few months, a fling every year. That kind.
 
jimtaylor said:
Essentially what I am saying though, is that it pretty much has to be love at first sight. I am not interested in learning to love somebody because if you don't love somebody for who they are as they are, then there will always be issues of expectations not being met.
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I have mixed feelings about this statement though I think I sort of get what you are trying to say. I think it's important to have that initial connect with a person (as opposed to the love at first sight because I find that a bit superficial). I'm all for learning to love someone in the context of knowing their likes and dislikes (and overall get to know who they are as a person). There will most likely be differences between two people but those can be addressed and sorted out while getting to know each other. In regards to expectations, that should also be addresed fairly early in the relationship. This sounds much easier than actually doing it but it's something to keep in mind.

I also can understand the immaturity and conflict of interests with girls around that age. I've been working since high school and most of my previous ex gf's were more interested in having fun in the moment. I came off as pretty boring and stiff to them (which I admit I am). I'm a bit older now so the "shine" of physical imtimacy kind of wore off. Now I'd be more interested in meeting up with someone I can connect with but not necessarily looking at the moment. My current focus is improving myself in general but also keeping the relationship prospect open. ^^
 
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FamineGT said:
I have mixed feelings about this statement though I think I sort of get what you are trying to say. I think it's important to have that initial connect with a person (as opposed to the love at first sight because I find that a bit superficial). I'm all for learning to love someone in the context of knowing their likes and dislikes (and overall get to know who they are as a person). There will most likely be differences between two people but those can be addressed and sorted out while getting to know each other. In regards to expectations, that should also be addresed fairly early in the relationship. This sounds much easier than actually doing it but it's something to keep in mind.

I also can understand the immaturity and conflict of interests with girls around that age. I've been working since high school and most of my previous ex gf's were more interested in having fun in the moment. I came off as pretty boring and stiff to them (which I admit I am). I'm a bit older now so the "shine" of physical imtimacy kind of wore off. Now I'd be more interested in meeting up with someone I can connect with but not necessarily looking at the moment. My current focus is improving myself in general but also keeping the relationship prospect open. ^^
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I understand what you are saying and I don't really mean love at first sight, either. That is just the best way to put it. Really it's more like, I would like there to just to be a good amount of chemistry. I don't want to have to save somebody or help them be a better person. I want somebody who is going to compliment me and I compliment them.
 
jimtaylor said:
I don't want to have to save somebody or help them be a better person.
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Sounds like my last ex. Of course after she managed to get back on her feet, she found someone else to satisfy her other needs.

I hope the time off from relationships works to your benefit. I know my life has certainly benefitted after the last one ended. ^^
 
It's a damn shame to deprive someone of you forever.
 
Vict said:
It's an awful shame to deprive someone of you forever.
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Or not.

Seriously, do what makes you happy. Relationships can be really great or really bad. Being single can be really great or really bad. I typically view my single life as a relatively good thing. Unfortunately, I worry that at 42, I am not made anymore to share my life completely with someone just by sheer force of my ingrained habits. Life is what you decide to make it--just make sure you are making a conscious decision. I wouldn't be with someone just to be with someone and I never have.
 
I have always been good with being single. It doesn't bother me in the slightest to not be in a relationship. It's never been something that I have worried about and I think that will carry through for the rest of my life. My thought has always been that if someone comes along and I feel we mesh well together and there is great chemistry and a good connection then we'll see how it goes if it ever gets to that point. But it usually just doesn't occur to me to worry about whether or not I'll date anyone or not. I won't limit myself by either saying I'll always be single, or by saying I really want to be with someone. I just let shit happen.
 
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