Social settings: are we really open and truthful?

[just me]

Are we wrong to limit the information we share about ourselves? Is it wrong to feel the time has not come for sharing some things? If we are not historically very sociable, why should we share so much about ourselves?

People in a social gathering make conversation by asking about others' lives, but those who are not very sociable may feel uncomfortable about sharing where they came from, what they did, and such. Yet, saying something truthful may not come across as being friendly.
"I'd really rather not talk about my past", for example.

Are we wrong to tell someone what they want to hear instead of how we feel?

Personally, I've always been secretive about my self. I can adapt to what others say and answer in their own language. When I answer in my own language, it just causes more questions. My answer should tell them I don't want to discuss myself, but they just can't seem to understand it. It is as if they think I'm playing a question and answer game.

 

[Korg]

"I'd really rather not talk about my past" is valid but socially clumsy.

You don't have to tell someone what they want to hear or lie about yourself. Redirecting conversation is just a skill that you develop with practice. Maybe that is what you mean by "my own language", though.

 

[John K]

I’d turn the question on its head to explore it further - is it wrong to share unlimited information about ourselves without discrimination?

Depends what’s meant by sharing - the deepest information about myself can’t easily be expressed in words, even to myself. It gets scrambled through a cheese grinder if I try to. And then, people can only relate to a lot of the most significant of what you say about yourself if they have prior relevant experience of life.

For example, most people have no conception of what clinical anxiety bordering on psychosis is like, nor what it’s like caring for someone who suffers in this way - telling about it leads all too easily to profound misunderstanding. In other words you can’t tell them about it even if you try - it’s like explaining red to someone blind from birth.

So I think not only is it not wrong to withhold certain information about ourselves, but it’s actually wrong to try in some situations without knowing and trusting the recipient. The gift needed is that of discernment of what, when, why, to whom and how.

 

[just me]

Once again, if we are not historically very sociable...any attempt has never worked except with those we have at least learned to be a bit comfy around. I feel being this uncomfortable is why many don't even try. "I like hurricanes; you, not so much."

Funny how we can just meet a person and feel like we have known them all our lives, even with no words spoken. If that spirit were with us, we could get along better because we feel like we are not alone any longer. It may happen only once for us, but it is an amazing feeling we could never explain. Maybe writing about it would be easier.