Speed reader, closed book

[Daustus]

INFJ mode of interaction

INTENSE LASER FOCUS!

 

[Ren]

INTENSE LASER FOCUS!

I'm often told that I look at people too intensely. Help

 

[John K]

I'm often told that I look at people too intensely. Help

Help’s on its way

 

[Daustus]

I'm often told that I look at people too intensely. Help

 

[SevenSees]

I thought it might be because I was so weird and Not accepted as a child I just became conditioned to not talk about me. I once read INFJs can be chameleons around other people. In hindsight I'd agree that has been me. People can be fun for awhile but eventually I need some me time. Perhaps it's because I don't get to share much of my inner world with others.
[shrugs shoulders]

This is a common occurrence with INFJ types (and other introverts probably), and will only be a problem if one does not first accept the reality of the situation, then make obligatory plans to counter any fallout. For instance, rejection by family members, friends, or others in authority we look up to, as a sensitive and vulnerable child or teen can demotivate INFJ's from pursuing less traditional ideas and experiences, opting for more people-pleasing alternatives. If this happens, the INFJ will feel disingenuous, self-shaming, inauthentic, and eventually will disengage. Accusations of snobbery, aloofness, anti-social behavior, and even pathology may ensue. I say it's always best to be oneself, as oneself understands best what one can best understand. Let the chips "fall where they may" so-to-speak. With faith and love, a little bit of forgiveness, patience, and forthrightness, all will come together successfully. As time goes by, INFJ's learn to trust the special intuitive gifts given by the universe, and just help others without even thinking about it much. Good luck out there!

 

[solis]

I have a slightly different take on this. I agree with the OP, but I think this applies to a lot of introverted types.

The INFJ's Fe is functionally projected toward the other, so it is not actually very natural for an INFJ to share information about themselves outside of a broader incentive to find a common ground with the other person. When they talk about themselves they tend to immediately generalise the insights and connect them to a wider set of the population, de-personalising them somewhat in the process. Because Ni still dominates, this process of de-personalisation is only partial. By contrast, it is almost complete in the case of ENFJs (FeNi).

The contrast is striking with INFPs. It's enough to even have a look at their blogs on this forum. The INFPs will be share information about themselves without trying to generalise the insights. It is as unnatural for them to generalise as it is for INFJs to keep the insights deeply personal. This is an expression of the difference between Fi an Fe.

So I don't think it's mostly a case of lack of trust or anticipated disappointment, though of course this can happen. The main reason, as I see it, is that it is very much in an INFJ's DNA to speak about, and even make sense of, their feelings by projecting them outside of their innermost self.

I am just learning about the MBTI in bits this past year....this is interesting thank you for sharing...I have always extrapolated in this manner in some quest for understanding reality as it applies to all in hopes of liberating myself through some breakthrough of awareness/understanding that may in turn assist the world/others because of my deep empathic nature and penetrating curiosity yet I am reluctant to extravert my perspectives publicly because I know it's for me to integrate and it's a continuous journey...but I do share with those I am close to quite naturally...I've been gradually shifting to open up and share more publicly as I integrate my personal growth and let go of feeling what's not my own experience and build a frame that is more resilient...because yeah we feel those emotions and those incongruencies from others as the original post mentioned and it's just a lot.

 

[just me]

We must be cautious and not allow our empathy to want to help someone eternally take precedence, rather than seek our own happiness.

I was more adept with seeing into someone who reflected my feelings and emotions that someone who didn't. Had the best at 14, but low income and too many miles got in my way. She was well off and I was working after school. I saw in her everything positive, if that makes sense. I wanted to hide in their trunk when they left. We wrote love letters two years. I didn't have the money to catch a bus. I will never forget how wonderful she was/is and how stupid I was. Watch out for physical obstacles. I must add how studious and serious I was back then. I should have thumbed across two states just to see her again.

Fast forward over 50 years, and I now strain to hear what someone is saying by listening and watching their lips. That takes away from intense watching of the eyes. When a young lady talks, or talks back, and I can actually hear them? Different connection. I'm married, but just talking with and listening to the young is so much easier for me now. The smiles and excitement reminds me of being young again. I look forward to seeing them again, if only for three minutes. I think we might open up much more to the ones we feel comfortable with. We love what we hear, and feel at home with what we see.