Stress and the INFJ

[Pristinegirl]

The path of healing is within oneself. One can be emotionally and mentally capable, but those are responses to outputs; to be content with oneself and as close to whole as one can be, you have to be more open to your spirituality (which, in the context I'm speaking of, has little to nothing to do with organized religion). Spirituality is centered within oneself, rather than being focused as a response to stimuli.
Try to slow down; notice yourself and the world around you. Force yourself to calm yourself, not by outside activities, but by a conscious effort to become centered through your own mind and body. From there, once you can think clearly without being stressed or distracted, ask yourself what you want, what you find important, and who you would like to be. The more you are able to do this, the easier it will be to focus on those goals, and the easier it will be to take steps towards those goals.

Or, at least, that's what I do. It's probably one of the only things that keep me sane lately.

Ohh that is very insightful and so brilliantly described. It is also very genuine and I think if everyone did that and gave it an honest chance - then we would all be happier.

 

[VH]

Von, once the original stresses are removed, where does one find the path of healing? I'm desperately trying to come back to INFJ.

According to the theory, once you've over developed one of your functions beyond the reliability of your Ni, you become that type until you redevelop your Ni back to your dominant function.

I'm afraid you might be stuck that way until you can re-establish your introverted intuition as your primary function. gloomy-optimist offered some really good suggestions on how to help do that.

I personally have been teetering between INFJ and ENFJ so long that I have begun to have a lot of trouble distinguishing which and when. My Ni and Fe are so balanced that they often seem to be fighting for control. I can consciously calm down and step into my Ni, and thus INFJ mode. Or I can choose to focus on my idealism and step into my Fe, and therefore ENFJ mode. If I am not making a conscious effort, my INFJ/ENFJ dispositions are a function of my mood and circumstances. Whichever is more advantageous is the one I will go with.

Perhaps your best option is to learn how to voluntarily step into INFJ, and keep your ISTP so you can have advantages in any situation. In essence, all you have to do is learn how to switch your dominant pair order as they are the same pairs in both types. Ni, Fe, Ti, and Se.

I think you can do it! Good luck!

 

[Obstinate]

I've been all of them. It's so amazing. And I still am at the Snapped level pretty much everyday at school. I can't wait for college.

 

[Pristinegirl]

(I live in the tall house just behind it and the store in front was on fire)


I went through a huge stressor at thursday morning, at 4 am.
I was asleep and dreaming of course, when I suddently smell fire smoke
and I turn around hoping for it do dissapear and I realise that it is not a dream...
The food store right in front of my house called Tempo burned and so did 3 other ones in my city, AT THE SAME TIME!!!?!?!?! :S

Security police (Sapo) have been called in to investigate a connection between the attacks and an anti-US extreme left wing group.
Police have not ruled out a connection to fires in the town in December which destroyed the Coop Forum and Ica Maxi supermarkets.

An extreme anti-us, left wing group calling itself Global Intifada claimed responsibility for the December fires and according to reports in the Expressen newspaper. Furthermore, the Willys stores which were destroyed, also received warnings from the group. They have sent threatening letters in which they stir up a fire attack on shops selling goods from the U.S...

This threat, as yet unverified, has been communicated to the US Embassy in Sweden which considered it of sufficient importance to issue a statement confirming that it had been in contact with Södertälje (the city) police. The US authorities advised "caution while shopping and be attentive to suspicious behaviour".

4 major supermarkets were burned down in the city and intital reports suggest that a firebomb hidden among crisps is the source of the fires. More fires are expected.

 

[Milon]

Thanks for the feedback Von & GO!

I recognize that ISTP has its advantages, but now that I'm discovering what I really am I want to become what I really am. I'll retain the ISTP as a backup, but I'll also try to center myself, become "at home" with myself, and step forward from there.

PristineGirl: Was anyone hurt?

 

[Pristinegirl]

Thanks for the feedback Von & GO!

I recognize that ISTP has its advantages, but now that I'm discovering what I really am I want to become what I really am. I'll retain the ISTP as a backup, but I'll also try to center myself, become "at home" with myself, and step forward from there.

PristineGirl: Was anyone hurt?

The fire did not spread to my house although we definetly felt the fire smoke and the fire workers thought about evakuating our whole house because it is unhealthy to breathe such air. No one was hurt directly by the fire as the stores were closed, therefore no one was working (it was 4 a.m) and all firemen remained intact.

Furthermore in two of the supermarkets, it is considered to be an arson fire as it spread to people homes. It is still burning as we speak because it spread, so I don't know if anything happened to anyone over there.

It makes me really sad and it must be tough on the firemen too :/

 

[anica]

I think I go into ESTP mode when manic, or at least so I've been told. I went through a number of the oter stages, though probably not all, at the onset of my disability.

I also believe my lover has so many well-developed processes is because of what he went through after he was shot. There's probably more to it than that, but I'm sure his adjustment to permant paralysis had a lot to do with it.

 

[Silently Honest]

Oh my god I'm sorry.

 

[Pristinegirl]

I am very sorry to Anica.
I don't understand why bad things happen to good people.

 

[Lynx]

Okay Von Hase - was I your study point for this essay? *laughs* You watched me so perfectly progress down that line here not so very long ago.

Its fantastic. And so true! Fantastic job on writing that!

 

[anica]

I am very sorry to Anica.
I don't understand why bad things happen to good people.

He's had quite a lot of tragedy in his life: the loss of his family when he was 14, the Viet Nam war, then two years later being shot and paralyzed as a relatively young man (30). I guess I don't understand why bad things happen to good people, but have come to believe the why isn't important. It's what we learn from the experience that matters; at least that's been my take on things for the last 17 years. And we always learn something.

 

[Pristinegirl]

He's had quite a lot of tragedy in his life: the loss of his family when he was 14, the Viet Nam war, then two years later being shot and paralyzed as a relatively young man (30). I guess I don't understand why bad things happen to good people, but have come to believe the why isn't important. It's what we learn from the experience that matters; at least that's been my take on things for the last 17 years. And we always learn something.

I have never seen it that way, well I have but not in the context of experience. Knowing why would not change what is anyway so yeah =) He sounds like a true fighter indeed as well to go through all of that. Thank you for being so nice. I think that you sound like an ideal mother. I definetly wish my mother would have these stimulating conversations with me, apart from her illness because she blames it for not being able to.

 

[anica]

I have never seen it that way, well I have but not in the context of experience. Knowing why would not change what is anyway so yeah =) He sounds like a true fighter indeed as well to go through all of that. Thank you for being so nice. I think that you sound like an ideal mother. I definetly wish my mother would have these stimulating conversations with me, apart from her illness because she blames it for not being able to.

You're the one who's sweet, Pristinegirl. I never was--and still am not--an ideal mother. No one is. But I enjoy our conversations as well and find them stimulating too. Your questions are always so direct and true.

What illness does your mother have, if you don't mind my asking?

 

[Milon]

I have never seen it that way, well I have but not in the context of experience. Knowing why would not change what is anyway so yeah =) He sounds like a true fighter indeed as well to go through all of that. Thank you for being so nice. I think that you sound like an ideal mother. I definetly wish my mother would have these stimulating conversations with me, apart from her illness because she blames it for not being able to.

Argh, I know that frustration. My father does the same thing with his illness. So many times I wanted to reach out to his heart, but I just couldn't ever "find" him... *Milon feels blue now*

 

[anica]

Argh, I know that frustration. My father does the same thing with his illness. So many times I wanted to reach out to his heart, but I just couldn't ever "find" him... *Milon feels blue now*

Oh, Milon, that seems so sad and I'm sorry you went through that. I have no idea what your father's illness is, but my mother's untreated mental illness made real communication impossible and we were completely estranged the last year of her life.

I will never forget the day my six-year-old son said to me, his face beaming with happiness, "Mommy, the stroke made you so nice!" The fact was, I was back on my medication and my bipolar disorder was under control. I didn't think he needed to know about all that at six, so I let him believe it was the stroke that so changed me, but I also vowed never to go off my medication again, to separate myself from my children the way my mother distanced herself from hers.

I'm not saying there were never any bumps in the road, that we all lived happily ever after, but that six-year-old boy is twenty-four now and we are still close. We were/are both very lucky.

 

[Pristinegirl]

You're the one who's sweet, Pristinegirl. I never was--and still am not--an ideal mother. No one is. But I enjoy our conversations as well and find them stimulating too. Your questions are always so direct and true.

What illness does your mother have, if you don't mind my asking?

Thank you Anica. Maybe not an ideal mother but you are pretty close. My mother has PTSD (Post traumatic stress dissorder). Often I feel ignored or neglected when I try to have a stimulating conversation, which puts me in despair and makes me heartbroken. I am very independent and have been for the last couple of years and therefore there is an empty hole inside me that wishes she would love me right. Because she says that she really does love me and she may her way, but not Also she will be very introverted when the PTSD is active. Although I can see right through her, I pick up and know when she is sad even though she tries to hide it and I wish I could help her.

Argh, I know that frustration. My father does the same thing with his illness. So many times I wanted to reach out to his heart, but I just couldn't ever "find" him... *Milon feels blue now*

Ahh how horrible Milon, I know what it's like to really try but not get a sufficient response and reach out in loving feeling to startle their hearts in hope for something back. Don't be sad though! It is never your fault and never let anyone tell you differently because all we can do is try our best and since that did not work, it is not on us, but them. Unfortunately they might never realise it.

I will never forget the day my six-year-old son said to me, his face beaming with happiness, "Mommy, the stroke made you so nice!" The fact was, I was back on my medication and my bipolar disorder was under control. I didn't think he needed to know about all that at six, so I let him believe it was the stroke that so changed me, but I also vowed never to go off my medication again, to separate myself from my children the way my mother distanced herself from hers.

I'm not saying there were never any bumps in the road, that we all lived happily ever after, but that six-year-old boy is twenty-four now and we are still close. We were/are both very lucky.

Oh my god this had me in tears, what a tragedy having to hear that. I know that you have probably overcome it but I am deeply sorry you had to hear that. This is so outstandingly inspirational. It is so sad but still so beautiful.

 

[Cuddle Donor]

Interesting. I just noticed on Friday that I behave as an ISxJ at work. Doing things like chores I tend to tune out with what is going on in the world (Si... or lacking Se I guess) and as such get so mega pissed off when the phone rings and some needy customer wants to make an order. I have received a few complaints from my boss for apparently ignoring what he says (I just didn't hear ) I have to use Te a lot when organising orders and deliveries, especially when stuff goes pear-shaped. I also have to use Fe as well when dealing (more like negotiating) with customers.

Friday we were running late on cleaning chores and my boss was telling me to forget about cleaning the dishwasher; that it can be done the next morning, but I was like "it's... it's not clean yet though." hwell: I think this is J'ness. Not the neat-freak part, but the sense of leaving a job unfinished. He basically had to chase me out the door to go home.

ISxJ isn't that big a stretch, just a demotion to the 3rd, 4th and 5th processes for me. I don't really feel stressed at work unless I have to constantly use Te or Fe. As a result I like doing the dishes since it requires about 1% brain-power, which leaves the rest of my brain to help take me to a happy place. :flypig:

 

[Altruistic Muse]

I've noticed when I get stressed, around exam times usually, I do this weird thing where i start worrying about something completely unrelated. It's normally like a month beforehand, before I've started even really thinking or getting anxious about the exams. Usually it involves either picking my character to pieces and getting depressed about it, or if I am in a relationship, finidng fault with every aspect of the relationship and my partner. I nearly split up with my ex over this a few years back. Its horrible, because I know it will go once exams (or the stress in general) are over, and it does, like a cloud is lifted, but at the time it seems incredibly real, and is very hurtful to the people involved (its much worse if it involves someone else!). Does anyone else experience this internalisation and redirection of stress? And also the feeling that you need to shut out loved ones and be by yourself? Its always a frustrating period!

 

[Zero]

I've been through them all at least once in my life. The last one, broken, is the definitely the worst of them.

It's when you're laying awake in bed, but your mind is elsewhere, and you're late for work and your parent is yelling from outside your locked door (and window) and you simply cannot answer, that you know you've hit rock bottom.

I hope to never reach that point again.

At the moment, I'm probably Stage three. Stress with school and roommates is just building.

 

[Warrior Therapist]

I'm usually somewhere around turning ENFJ or ISTP in my stressful periods (like right now, with the poor job market, a week's worth of final papers to get started on, and graduation only a month away). I find I tend to get more sarcastic, a little more controlling, and a little more silly as the stress piles on, but I usually have yoga, meditation, or other therapeutic exercises to help me cope.