Taking care of people

[anica]

Do you take care of people as a sort of investment, or just because they are there (according to potential, or according to need)?
I have some difficulty with taking care of abnormally high-maintenance people: some people will not progress or be productive no matter how much of your own life you put into the process, and therefore the time and effort can feel like a waste.

I agree it can be difficult, but sometimes necessary, especially when you have children. For example, my son will never be "cured," though I believe my love (as well as that of several other people) has enabled him to progress as far as he has. It never ends, however; he's currently headed for a relapse despite everything; or maybe it's because I relaxed my guard somewhat during the last year. I am beginning to realize I will never, ever not have this responsibility. But then maybe children are the exception. In any case, nothing about it feels like a waste.

There are other people in my life I just cannot give up on, no matter how difficult they are. Once I love someone, it seems I take them on forever. And I've been that way since I was a child, so they've sort of accumulated.

I don't think this caregiving tendency or drive or whatever you want to call it, is limited toxxfjs, however. My partner/roommie, who is an estj, is even more this way than I am.

 

[Cecilff2]

I like creating opportunities and helping the people around me to realize their potential and be stronger for knowing me. That includes giving them the opportunity to develop skills that enable them to be more independent. People are not by nature autonomous no matter how much we enjoy pretending we are because of our values of individualism. We each have different skill sets and societies by nature tend to delineate different tasks amongst its members. By specializing in different tasks we are able to help one another achieve more than we could alone. This is important to me on the personal and social levels.

Definitely. When I help people, it's to get them to a point to where they can understand how to help themselves. I usually focus on changing the person not the problem. When they overcome it, they'll be that much stronger for it. Developing self esteem can be one of the best forms of help you can give to someone. If I have to give em a small boost first, I never let them know it was me.

 

[GaiaGraha]

Yes, it always goes unappreciated and I used to care for others so much, I'd get taken advantage of. Those days are over.

Okay, easier said than done... I need to be needed. *sniff*

I have noticed that I have a need to be needed too. :/ Not good.

Do you take care of people as a sort of investment, or just because they are there (according to potential, or according to need)?
I have some difficulty with taking care of abnormally high-maintenance people: some people will not progress or be productive no matter how much of your own life you put into the process, and therefore the time and effort can feel like a waste.

I usually help people based on need but, after a while, if there is no effort on their part or no progress then I kind of give up. I'm usually there if they ask a favor- but I stop investing so much of my time and energy.
Although...the whole giving up part is definitely a new development. I used to just give and give and give. :/

 

[Ketsugi]

I also love to help people who help themselves. I'm very motherly, though. I like cooking for others and generally making them comfortable. I'm super protective, too. I give tough love though when people don't help themselves. Most people see me as extremely strict in this manner.

 

[Julia]

Definitely. When I help people, it's to get them to a point to where they can understand how to help themselves. I usually focus on changing the person not the problem. When they overcome it, they'll be that much stronger for it. Developing self esteem can be one of the best forms of help you can give to someone. If I have to give em a small boost first, I never let them know it was me.

That's a good point. I try to view people with confidence by expecting good things from them. Often a person places limits on self because they lack the confidence to believe more is possible. I try to treat them with respect as an important person. It can help people see themselves in a new light. I try to do it without pressure though. It's okay to be whatever a person is naturally, but that acceptance is part of treating someone with respect.

 

[Bladewing]

I take care of people because...well, I just do. I like to. It makes me feel like I'm worth something if I can make someone happy. And I'll continue doing it forever, if the conditions are right

That's the thing TLM, I think(well, at least in my case) that we can be the savior of those people and be there for them in those situations. If there's a person that needs my help I will selflessly try to help them regardless if I think that there won't be no progress in their behavior.However, if they do get better that is the greatest feelings of accomplishment I can ever get.

This is me I just naturally help people around and LOVE feeling appreciated.

BUT with people I really care about (girlfriend with depression for example) although it may be in my interest to help them to the point where they depend on me (I certainly have the ability to make them) I avoid such an action. Although sometimes I cave out of selfishness I try my best to help them help themselves and not accredit them feeling better to my efforts. This makes my efforts and huge self sacrifices of time and energy I make and all the stress and self control I do in the background often go completely unnoticed... But in the end though It makes me feel better about myself that I am able to help someone in the best possible way I can and so without asking much in return. Also seeing people i know are happy because of my efforts makes me feel pretty good.