jupiterswoon
Permanent Fixture
- MBTI
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- 3
http://www.npr.org/2011/12/14/143660764/when-it-comes-to-marriage-many-more-say-i-dont
I thought that this was a very interesting article, very much worth discussing....
In my humble opinion, it seems like America is finally taking a rational approach to understanding the nature of love, relationships, and healthy sexuality. This article of course has a more conventional slant, and doesn't mention what I am about to discuss- but it definitely incited me to write my own thoughts as a matter of course.
So, this article posits that now married folks only comprise 51% of the population - which in the eyes of the author is frightening, and means that society as a whole is much less stable than before.
In my eyes this makes so much sense that fewer people are getting married now. Some people, as I've observed over my life time, are not able to be monogamous, and others simply don't pursue relations. This being the case, I think that fewer people feel the pressure to get married, as culturally we begin to move away from more of a Christian paradigm. More and more people that I know tend to be comfortable in open-relationships, and proclaiming their open-relationship status. Other people are in very serious committed relationships, but really want to think about marriage before jumping into it, and committing themselves to one person for the rest of their lives. A lot of people saw the havoc that divorce can wreak on people's lives, and want to avoid the destructive nature that lies in false idealism. When we create unhealthy illusions we can potentially do much more damage, than if we take a realistic approach.
I might posit, and this is bold, that many people have a much more realistic idea of marriage now than they did before, and that you can't just get married and assume that you're life will be easy. Most people know now that marriage requires a lot of work, and that you can't take marriage for granted. I might argue that people who are getting married now, are much more aware of how to avoid pitfalls (such as money, lack of honesty, etc). A big thing that is new now is the idea of honesty- people being forthcoming about what they like sexually, instead of getting frustrated with sex (which in my opinion plays a huge role in whether or not a couple can maintain proper fidelity).
Also, people in our society, now rely on being much more autonomous than before. If the marriage fails, women need to be able to find jobs- hence more women are reluctant to become stay at home moms. From another perspective, many women who are stay at home mom's feel unfulfilled and would like to work at least part time. I feel split on the idea of staying home, part of me would love it (I could focus on my hobbies and interests), and the other part of me would crave interaction with people. Also I think when a woman stays at home, she feels more pressure to please her man, while at the same time feeling more isolated from society as a whole. The other part is that some women love to stay at home and raise their kids, and they are being questioned, or belittled and made to feel that they should be doing something more important. (The whole staying at home thing is so subjective- I'm going to stop here).
I think decade by decade we have created a cultural narrative defined by polarity. In the last 50 years society has seen the repression of the 50s, the reactionary "feely" openness of the 60s, the deluded washed up 70s, the materialistic 80s, and the depressed 90s- and has thought to themselves, how can we avoid these pitfalls. In the 50s- people were in what could be considered frigid relationships, sexually repressed and unfulfilling. In the 60s- people rebelled and free love was in the air- which lead to the STDs of the 70s (if you get my drift). After the 60s people realized that spirituality alone wasn't the answer (the 70s), and in the 80s they figured the answer must be materialism. The grungy "nothing matters" 90s was the answer to 80s materialism- and that answer was- "Hey this still isn't working." Now in the 2000s, people are like, let's just focus on ourselves, become autonomous differentiated beings, and focus on spirituality intermingled with materialistic reality. This might mean not getting married- but the one thing that our current generation seems to posit is that maybe the foundations of society is worth questioning- marriage being one of those things.
Can people have healthy beautiful relationships that are life-long and fulfilling without tying the knot? What is the significance of the reduced marriage statistics- when we take a look at the cultural narrative? Do you agree that some people can't be monogamous? Do you think that the culture will continue without the paradigm of institutionalized marriage? Do people really need to get married to have a happy fulfilling life?
One interesting thing to notice is which personality types tend to veer away from monogamy, and which ones are more monogamous.
I thought that this was a very interesting article, very much worth discussing....
In my humble opinion, it seems like America is finally taking a rational approach to understanding the nature of love, relationships, and healthy sexuality. This article of course has a more conventional slant, and doesn't mention what I am about to discuss- but it definitely incited me to write my own thoughts as a matter of course.
So, this article posits that now married folks only comprise 51% of the population - which in the eyes of the author is frightening, and means that society as a whole is much less stable than before.
In my eyes this makes so much sense that fewer people are getting married now. Some people, as I've observed over my life time, are not able to be monogamous, and others simply don't pursue relations. This being the case, I think that fewer people feel the pressure to get married, as culturally we begin to move away from more of a Christian paradigm. More and more people that I know tend to be comfortable in open-relationships, and proclaiming their open-relationship status. Other people are in very serious committed relationships, but really want to think about marriage before jumping into it, and committing themselves to one person for the rest of their lives. A lot of people saw the havoc that divorce can wreak on people's lives, and want to avoid the destructive nature that lies in false idealism. When we create unhealthy illusions we can potentially do much more damage, than if we take a realistic approach.
I might posit, and this is bold, that many people have a much more realistic idea of marriage now than they did before, and that you can't just get married and assume that you're life will be easy. Most people know now that marriage requires a lot of work, and that you can't take marriage for granted. I might argue that people who are getting married now, are much more aware of how to avoid pitfalls (such as money, lack of honesty, etc). A big thing that is new now is the idea of honesty- people being forthcoming about what they like sexually, instead of getting frustrated with sex (which in my opinion plays a huge role in whether or not a couple can maintain proper fidelity).
Also, people in our society, now rely on being much more autonomous than before. If the marriage fails, women need to be able to find jobs- hence more women are reluctant to become stay at home moms. From another perspective, many women who are stay at home mom's feel unfulfilled and would like to work at least part time. I feel split on the idea of staying home, part of me would love it (I could focus on my hobbies and interests), and the other part of me would crave interaction with people. Also I think when a woman stays at home, she feels more pressure to please her man, while at the same time feeling more isolated from society as a whole. The other part is that some women love to stay at home and raise their kids, and they are being questioned, or belittled and made to feel that they should be doing something more important. (The whole staying at home thing is so subjective- I'm going to stop here).
I think decade by decade we have created a cultural narrative defined by polarity. In the last 50 years society has seen the repression of the 50s, the reactionary "feely" openness of the 60s, the deluded washed up 70s, the materialistic 80s, and the depressed 90s- and has thought to themselves, how can we avoid these pitfalls. In the 50s- people were in what could be considered frigid relationships, sexually repressed and unfulfilling. In the 60s- people rebelled and free love was in the air- which lead to the STDs of the 70s (if you get my drift). After the 60s people realized that spirituality alone wasn't the answer (the 70s), and in the 80s they figured the answer must be materialism. The grungy "nothing matters" 90s was the answer to 80s materialism- and that answer was- "Hey this still isn't working." Now in the 2000s, people are like, let's just focus on ourselves, become autonomous differentiated beings, and focus on spirituality intermingled with materialistic reality. This might mean not getting married- but the one thing that our current generation seems to posit is that maybe the foundations of society is worth questioning- marriage being one of those things.
Can people have healthy beautiful relationships that are life-long and fulfilling without tying the knot? What is the significance of the reduced marriage statistics- when we take a look at the cultural narrative? Do you agree that some people can't be monogamous? Do you think that the culture will continue without the paradigm of institutionalized marriage? Do people really need to get married to have a happy fulfilling life?
One interesting thing to notice is which personality types tend to veer away from monogamy, and which ones are more monogamous.