The list of Grievences

IndigoSensor said:
Sneaky form of Passive-Aggressive

When it goes bad it goes really really bad.
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Yes, this is in the How To Hurt Somebody As Badly As Possible Without Breaking Any Laws 101 Handbook.

Step 1: Make friends with them. Provide for their emotional needs. Make them rely on you for validation, soothe their fears etc. Make them looooovveee you and trust you.

Step 2: Innocently make backhanded remarks to exacerbate their insecurities.

Step 3: Convince them to do things and make life decisions that would be detrimental to them. I.e. convince them to break friendships/relationships that are good for them. Convince them to pursue and escalate bad relationships/friendships. Convince them to further any harmful activities (i.e. gambling, drinking, cheating). Enable and encourage any damaging thought patterns.

Step 4: For bonus points and added effectiveness, make them fall in love with you, string them along, and use silences, jealousy, and many of the plethora of methods available to fuck them up emotionally. Ride this out as looonnng as possible, then insist that you were never formally "together" and that they're just being ridiculous and have no basis to be upset.

I'm sure an INFJ would be able to come up with far more than what I have here.
 
Years ago, when I was experiencing the joys of being the father of an INTJ teenage son, my INFJ wife warned me that if I thought he was difficult and mean to me, just wait until our INFJ son was a teenager. Well, it happened. Believe it or not, the INTJ older son became very sweet to me in his early twenties at the same time that my INFJ son discovered his powerful INFJ gifts and practiced on me. Wow, was he good at pushing my buttons and turning the knife! The same sex parent has it the worst. Immature INFJ's can be dangerous to others until they learn the extent of their gifts and how to control their powers so as not to hurt the ones they love. He's working on it.
 
Norton said:
Years ago, when I was experiencing the joys of being the father of an INTJ teenage son, my INFJ wife warned me that if I thought he was difficult and mean to me, just wait until our INFJ son was a teenager. Well, it happened. Believe it or not, the INTJ older son became very sweet to me in his early twenties at the same time that my INFJ son discovered his powerful INFJ gifts and practiced on me. Wow, was he good at pushing my buttons and turning the knife! The same sex parent has it the worst. Immature INFJ's can be dangerous to others until they learn the extent of their gifts and how to control their powers so as not to hurt the ones they love. He's working on it.
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I would disown the kid and let the Ministry deal with him. Or at the very least turn extremely cold towards him. I guarantee it'd be twice as bad for him than for me because of the balance of power. I don't cut much slack for people who return kindness with maliciousness.
 
Norton said:
Years ago, when I was experiencing the joys of being the father of an INTJ teenage son, my INFJ wife warned me that if I thought he was difficult and mean to me, just wait until our INFJ son was a teenager. Well, it happened. Believe it or not, the INTJ older son became very sweet to me in his early twenties at the same time that my INFJ son discovered his powerful INFJ gifts and practiced on me. Wow, was he good at pushing my buttons and turning the knife! The same sex parent has it the worst. Immature INFJ's can be dangerous to others until they learn the extent of their gifts and how to control their powers so as not to hurt the ones they love. He's working on it.
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I was never like that as a kid/teen. Sounds like its something a little more than just being an INFJ. What exactly did he do?
 
pierce said:
I would disown the kid and let the Ministry deal with him. Or at the very least turn extremely cold towards him. I guarantee it'd be twice as bad for him than for me because of the balance of power. I don't cut much slack for people who return kindness with maliciousness.
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It's normal for teenagers to be difficult with their parents. I think it has to do with developing an ego and psychologically preparing for independence, which is a good thing. So, I just keep loving my kids and, once they work through what is essentially normal developmental angst, the common turmoil of the teenage years is replaced with a better sense of self. The most secure people are the best at showing and feeling love, and that's what I want for my sons. Being the target of teenagers in turmoil is just one of the many challenges of parenthood, but it's worth it.
 
it's really hard to answer this question without generalizing a hell of a lot... even within the same type, there is so much variation....well, just going by the only INFJ i know in real life, unhealthy infjs can take things very personally, and have a tendency to read negativity into others' responses where no negativity was intended.
 
DoveAlexa said:
I was never like that as a kid/teen. Sounds like its something a little more than just being an INFJ. What exactly did he do?
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I think most teenagers challenge and are challenging to their parents. At least, this is something I've observed in our family and in the families of friends. As I noted in my last post above, this is a good thing because it indicates a normal progression of breaking away from the bounds of childhood and developing into a strong, independent person. It's just that an intelligent, strong INFJ, has more natural ability if he or she wants to annoy a parent than other types. They know all the buttons and know how to push them. Specifically, in our case, my son would want to argue about everything I would say--every discussion became a conflict. And, even an INTP like me doesn't always want to argue, particularly after a hard day's work. He would make comments about how I was really getting old, which didn't bother me and, actually, was funny because, basically, it's true! He'd want to argue about politics. I'm moderate, straight down the middle politically, which many people consider wishy-washy and indecisive. I was a good target for political arguments, which, again, are rather annoying at the dinner table. (By the way, I'd argue that the black and white dichotomy of liberal vs. conservative is simplistic, whereas, being in the middle, gray zone, is the more difficult, quasi-stable place to be, because it really represents a greater truth about the complexity of the world where few solutions are simple and easy.)

Don't worry, neither of my sons are teenagers any longer and they've developed into fine young men in their twenties. It was just a necessary and normal developmental phase about which most parents can tell stories.
 
:m182: nuh, uh!!!
 
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I was surprised to learn in an adolescent psychology class that a bit of rebellion and sass is actually good for a teenager's development.. They're trying to individuate or establish autonomy or something...which, being of the NF temperament where the main motivation is to understand the self and be an idealistic individual... I can see how it'd be amplified.
 
So does that mean those of us who aren't really rebellious are stunted then? If I rebelled from anything it was pop-culture and my peers. Kinda reverse of any teen.
 
I have the abillity to turn people and entire groups against each other. When the call for it arises, I can be extremely tactful. I use it for good 99% of the time. INFJ's can be extremely capabable of being mean and being very adept at it, because that meanness is inperceptable until it is inacted.
 
Blind Bandit said:
Ok little miss perfect. :mcunni:
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Not really, I just never identified with my peers. Too much antagonism going on. My parents were pretty neutral in values so nothing much to rebel from.
 
IndigoSensor said:
I have the abillity to turn people and entire groups against each other. When the call for it arises, I can be extremely tactful. I use it for good 99% of the time. INFJ's can be extremely capabable of being mean and being very adept at it, because that meanness is inperceptable until it is inacted.
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So.... in theory.... if you wanted to..... you could convince a hot female friend of yours to date me right?
 
They are too complex. It's hard for other people to understand them.

Their (and my) inability to communicate their emotions can be somewhat frustrating to both parties.
 
I agree with the knowing people well enough to kick them in the metaphorical emotional crotch. I only did this or went this far when I was extremely angry. Like, rage-filled and up against a wall angry. People have backed me in a corner before and thought I was nice enough to "take it."

They got surprised.

Of course I felt horrible afterwards, but yes. INFJs can cause great emotional pain because we know you that well.

Never tried it on my (ESTP) mother. Mostly because she would've literally slapped the sh!t out of me. Mom and I had interesting...physical confrontations, though (and I laugh about them now, because they were silly, not really serious).
 
Adding another one:

Sometimes too emotionally stunted to make friends in real life, and expect others to make the first move.
 
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