The "Loner": Facts and fictions

[Gaze]

really? i haven't noticed this tendency..? well from the news articles i've read, just as many extroverts commit crimes as do introverts and loners, so if such a correlation is being made, it's clearly false. pretty disturbing if people are making such a mistake though - it's one thing to label loners as weird or unusual, quite another to assume they're all criminally inclined! :/

This tendency is not really hidden. Whenever there's a major shooting, murder, etc. and a "loner" type is identified as the killer, there's always some suggestion that their reserved nature indicated something was wrong with their personality - that their "isolated" nature had something to do with their tendency to commit the murder.

e.g. Ted Kaczinskiy - the unibomber, the Virginia Tech shooter, etc.

 

[Inquisitive]

...there's always some suggestion that their reserved nature indicated something was wrong with their personality - that their "isolated" nature had something to do with their tendency to commit the murder...

And along those lines, there doesn

 

[Quinlan]

Regarding murderers etc. personally I'd have more to fear of an extraverted loner than an introverted loner.

An extraverted loner sounds scary indeed.

 

[Shai Gar]

The "Loner": Facts and fictions


There's quite a few prejudicial assumptions, stereotypes, and misunderstandings about the "loner." They're often judged negatively, and seen as being mysterious or having something to hide, antisocial, liars, dangerous, hidden desires, selfish, etc.

Many serial killers or mass murderers have been labeled "loners" as if to say that because they were more reserved than most, that made them more dangerous personalities, etc.

In the end, if you're quiet, reserved, and prefer to deal with the world a little more introvertedly, then this is automatically perceived as unhealthy, isolationist, and selfish.

So, let's have it.

The "loner": Which ones are the facts and which ones are the dubious little fictions?

I've often wanted to write a book called "Why it's always the quiet ones", that talks about the effects of bullying on introverts forcing them to bottle up and then unleash their rage in a passionate moment that they might even have planned for.

It's still a crime of passion because the bullying of the introvert had gone on for so long that their lashing out takes several days.

 

[just me]

Regarding murderers etc. personally I'd have more to fear of an extraverted loner than an introverted loner.

An extraverted loner sounds scary indeed.

That just doesn't sound right: an extroverted loner. Man, could they ever blow up.

 

[just me]

And along those lines, there doesn

 

[Flavus Aquila]

Fiction: loners are anti-social; I think they are mostly just un-social.

 

[Words]

I was a vehement loner, so yeah.


Fact: Some loners are caused by social sensitivity.

Fiction: All loners don't care to converse.

 

[freybell]

The issue is that these personality disorder distinctions are not made in the media and in the larger culture. Instead, there is a tendency to describe introvertedness as a some sort of precondition or prerequisite trait predisposing someone to commit violent crimes. The underlying belief is that being introvert signifies a dislike or some hatred of people, and so those who are introverted are boiling with resentment against humanity. It's one of the biggest misconceptions. Even introverts have a tendency to accept misconceptions about themselves because we hear them so often being stated as facts.

I don't know if "loner" necessarily = introvert in this sense. Loner serial killers/murderers/criminals are people who actively isolate themselves from other people... while introverts just don't seek to be the center of attention. I think there's a subtle distinction between the two ideas... whether or not other people (read: the media) understand this difference is up for debate. But ultimately, it's their problem for being narrow minded and ignorant.

Fiction: loners are anti-social; I think they are mostly just un-social.

^^This captures perfectly what I am trying to say above.

Furthermore, I'm sure some people think that it's unhealthy to spend a lot of time alone... but no one I know personally has ever thought that there was something wrong with me just because I don't feel the need to surround myself with others 24 hours a day. I enjoy my inner life, and I don't want to sacrifice it just to add to the number of people I see on a given day.

 

[Gaze]

I think maybe i need to clarify. I may've exaggerated the connection between being a loner and negative qualities associated with it. The examples i gave were extremes. I mean, there's negatives associated with everything.

And at the end of the day, we're free to ignore the stereotypes, and take things as they come.

 

[basic]

I could go on and on and on and on and on. But instead, I want everyone to watch this video on youtube called "How To Be Alone." It is a poem. I found it quite inspiring and somewhat profound. After watching it I felt like it embodied my feelings exactly about liking being alone, and perhaps a "loner." The poem explains the beauty of being alone. Even my ESTJ sister who has been discovering her inner "loner" as of late found this quite profound.

WATCH IT
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs"]YouTube- How To Be Alone[/ame]

 

[~jet]

I want to take ~friendly~ exception to the use of the term antisocial which, to be fair, is misunderstood by just about everyone. Typically it refers to acting in ways that prioritize the self far above and beyond the community... pure unadulterated selfishness, to be blunt. It doesn't really have anything to do with how outgoing a person is. Of course, one can argue that whatever the common understanding of a word is IS it's definition, but still...

Anyhow anyhow anyhow; as an unwilling loner, I can only speak for myself in saying that it's largely to do with social anxiety... something I've come to this place to talk to other INFJs about. I'm so overly concerned about others' opinions and feelings that I neglect my own, and that tends to lead to self-isolation. Easier than risking the possibility of offending or intruding, you know? It's a bad habit in my case, but a perspective nonetheless. I wouldn't presume this is the only reason people are loners by any stretch of the imagination.

 

[Morgain]

I think it's more a matter of perception and social relativism than fact vs fiction. I think in a society that rewards extroverted go-getters, yes, the loner type can be seen as "dysfunctional" because their traits may interfere with their abilities to best maximize on the opportunities presented by their worldly environment. But in a society that values introspection and mysticism, a loner mentality is something to be respected (and maybe even desired).

indeed, it is just perspection

In some parts of the world people are incouraged to spend time alone (aboriginals walkabout for example) to explore and find oneself, to find your own values and turths. In our societies these things are not valued and they want you to talk over there values and there truths. What is the best way probably depends on what kind of person you are, one needs more introspection than the other. But a little more introspection wouldn't hurt our society, in the contrairy. I think a lot of people would make more sensible and substantiated choices!

I also think that the climate of a certain country has a big influence on how introverted/extraverted people are. Hard climates tend to have less people who are more introverted and introspective (Tibet, Mongoli

 

[klutzo]

I wish I could remember which of my medical newsletters or psych journals I saw this study in, but I can't, sorry. It was a few months ago. The study said that Introverts live an average of 15 years less than Extroverts, proving once again that man is a social animal, and reinforcing previous studies which linked the number of friends one has with life span.

What do you all think of this?

klutzo

 

[freybell]

@~jet I find this too... I'm sometimes so concerned with how another person might react to me, that I don't act, therefore leaving them with nothing to react to.

I wonder if this is why so few people understand the reasons why loners are loners. Sometimes it's not an active choice. Sometimes people are loners not because they choose to be, or because they want to be, but because they're not really well practiced in being any other way. The "unwilling loner" as ~jet puts it. I think I fall under this category, and I don't think it's something that non-unwilling loners can really empathize with.

 

[Words]

I want to take ~friendly~ exception to the use of the term antisocial which, to be fair, is misunderstood by just about everyone. Typically it refers to acting in ways that prioritize the self far above and beyond the community... pure unadulterated selfishness, to be blunt. It doesn't really have anything to do with how outgoing a person is. Of course, one can argue that whatever the common understanding of a word is IS it's definition, but still...

Anyhow anyhow anyhow; as an unwilling loner, I can only speak for myself in saying that it's largely to do with social anxiety... something I've come to this place to talk to other INFJs about. I'm so overly concerned about others' opinions and feelings that I neglect my own, and that tends to lead to self-isolation. Easier than risking the possibility of offending or intruding, you know? It's a bad habit in my case, but a perspective nonetheless. I wouldn't presume this is the only reason people are loners by any stretch of the imagination.

[MENTION=3019]~jet[/MENTION] I find this too... I'm sometimes so concerned with how another person might react to me, that I don't act, therefore leaving them with nothing to react to.

I wonder if this is why so few people understand the reasons why loners are loners. Sometimes it's not an active choice. Sometimes people are loners not because they choose to be, or because they want to be, but because they're not really well practiced in being any other way. The "unwilling loner" as ~jet puts it. I think I fall under this category, and I don't think it's something that non-unwilling loners can really empathize with.

Social anxiety...I thought it was just my own ineptitude in socialization but I guess this is not the case. I could definitely relate to this category of 'want' but have difficulty in. Also, the bold ones strike deep within. It is a relief to know I am not alone in this. Though I am pleased to share that I have grown and no longer carry this heavy perception.

 

[Faye]

I wish I could remember which of my medical newsletters or psych journals I saw this study in, but I can't, sorry. It was a few months ago. The study said that Introverts live an average of 15 years less than Extroverts, proving once again that man is a social animal, and reinforcing previous studies which linked the number of friends one has with life span.

What do you all think of this?

klutzo

How exactly did they define introvert in the study?

 

[invisible]

but maybe they were actually punished by their societies for being introverts and it made them ill, rather than becoming ill simply because they didn't get enough social interaction to satisfy their own individual needs? or some other explanation; there could be others.

 

[~jet]

but maybe they were actually punished by their societies for being introverts and it made them ill, rather than becoming ill simply because they didn't get enough social interaction to satisfy their own individual needs? or some other explanation; there could be others.

I tend to agree with this... I think introversion is innate and there's not a damn thing wrong with it, but since it's a bit of a mystery to others (including other introverts) it may inadvertently put others on the defensive, and many types don't like being on the defensive and thus go on the offensive instead. Furthermore, introverts spend a good deal of time focused inward... this lends itself to contemplation, and contemplation lends itself to wisdom, etc. I'm not suggesting all introverts are Astronomy zen masters or anything, but still, someone who even APPEARS to be the smart [and mysterious] kid often becomes someone that others to notch down a peg or two such that these others don't need to feel comparably inadequate.

This, in turn, engages the introvert with a lifestyle in which the negative occurs more often than the positive, which tends to lead to shyness, intense hopes, and intense fears... none of which help them in the social arena.

I think social anxiety is learned. I think introversion is inborn.

As for me; I'm like this AND i'm trying to woo a girl who is like this, too. It's going to be very hard to earn her trust. All the while, my moods are flying all over the place from elation to depression. Makes me nervous about myself, even. I hope a certain level of calm comes to this.

 

[NeverAmI]

being a loner means being in the minority, and that's probably where a lot of the negative connotations associated with loners are coming from - people are less likely to meet a loner by statistical probability, and therefore are less likely to understand them. when you don't understand someone, you're more likely to dislike them. though that's just a hunch, but it's been true in my experience.

Almost all mass media and marketing gives a negative connotation to standing out (government too, I am sure)

They appeal to the masses and want to lump them into as close to one group as possible. People that think by themselves or stand alone don't make them much money.

Really all of it is marketing anymore, government included, and hooking as many people as possible involves making them all agree and believe the same thing.


And for the study on life expectancy, living by yourself offers fewer chances to be discovered in a state of helplessness, it is simple probability. If you faint or pass out, you are on your own.