The role of touch

jupiterswoon said:
Do other INFJs seem to need to rely on lots of touching/cuddling and if they don't get it, does it seem to hugely affect the overall relationship interactions?
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Serenity said:
I'm pretty touchy-feeling, but only with those I know well, as far as cuddling though. I will hug just about anyone though.

As a Taurus, and @Kgal would back me up here...I NEED to be touched, or I will get cold, distant, emotionally numb.
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Yes. I agree with Serenity. I need to feel the sensation. My first significant boy friend once told me that I "breathe people in" through my skin. I don't have to have hand holding or arms around me or hugging or hanging on me. But I do like it when skin touches skin - or bodies touching bodies - like standing side by side with hips barely connected - or someone patting me on the shoulder as they walk by - or moving my hair away from my face when we're talking.

I think I sense more information from a person's aura when there is the light touch of connection between us. Sort of like one's sixth sense maybe? Since there is no real intent with such a nonchalant connection - the person's mood is readily accessible - perhaps?

When it comes to true hugs - I love to give them - no matter who. I hug lot's of people who want them. I always ask first - though.
 
On a social level I hug where appropriate and don't have a problem with it. Though I kind of see this as hugging with all/most of my defenses intact, depending on how close I am to the person.

On a relationship level I do thrive on touching/cuddling from my husband. I have noticed that I don't need as "much" anymore to arrive at that same satisfied connected state. Except when I'm upset, then I become rather ...clingy...
 
I'm an INFJ and I need touching and cuddling in a relationship in order to feel connected. At least at the beginning. I read somewhere that INFJs are really close with their new partner. Like touchy feely cuddly. They don't communicate much but show their feelings by being so close.
 
Serenity said:
I'm pretty touchy-feeling, but only with those I know well, as far as cuddling though. I will hug just about anyone though.

As a Taurus, and [MENTION=2578]Kgal[/MENTION] would back me up here...I NEED to be touched, or I will get cold, distant, emotionally numb.
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I'm also a taurus and need to be touched :)
 
I think I need it, but it's difficult for me to accept it. Insontis is really comfortable with PDA and I am not, so I am trying to work on that. I am fine with him touching me privately, but I worry about making others feel uncomfortable, I think. What jill said resonates with me, because my ex-husband used to just come up & surprise me by grabbing my crotch when I was doing a task & I would jump. He said it was his right, but I begged him to ask first so it didn't catch me off guard. We were not compatible. Insontis is very slow & gentle with me and I trust he means me no harm.

I had to stop going to haunted barns/houses because I was so traumatized by one where they were allowed to touch & grab you. They actually restrained me from going down a slide & it sent me into complete shock/panic/hyperventilation mode. Touch is too intense for me. I just can't take it. "Never without my permisson."
 
[MENTION=4015]purplecrayons[/MENTION], may I send you a hug?

Does a baby need to be touched? Is it not sad to see a baby not be cuddled and loved?
We grow up so fast. I need to be touched in a loving manner more now than before I went through some very hard times. Why? I think it gives me a moment to relax and say "everything is going to be alright". When one is with or has been with another that dislikes being touched, one goes without something I would venture to say is a physical need. It must be at the right time with the right person for the right reason, though. Let me elaborate.

Don't come talk to me with your hand on me: makes me go on alert and I become defensive. Then I wonder why you are touching me. Then I wonder why it bothers me. Should it bother me? What did you say, anyway? I couldn't listen or hear from all the fuss going on.

Have to go momentarily....
 
I need regular touch and snuggles, approximately 3 hours a week, in order to operate at optimal capacity.

Otherwise, I wither to Energy Savings Mode and begin to deplete internally. The touch-need runs on overdrive until I get it met again.
 
If I want to hug someone I will say "I am going to hug you now," or "should we hug?" I can always tell when the other person wants a greeting hug or if we're saying goodbye and they don't know if it's okay or not so I break the ice and announce a hug is about to occur. Normally I think that would be awkward but I am awesome so it is not.

Hugs are fine with me. Growing up I was not touched very much. I went through a period of many years where I had no physical touch what so ever. When a friend of mine in high school rubbed my shoulders (you know how people do when they give your shoulders a little squeeze) I was pretty overwhelmed and felt so much warmth in me.

I am pretty awkward about physical touch initially with romantic partners. I don't know what's "acceptable." I think that most others don't think about it, but I am always worried about taking their hand or showing any kind of physical affection at all, as if they'll reject it or something. But once I get past that I always like to be near by and having something touching. My favourite is sleeping next to the person and even when moving around or changing sleeping positions physical contact never breaks. Something about that I find to be so romantic and comforting.
 
~non infj here~ disclaimer~

I used to be unhappy about females touching me in particular because my mom would always touch and cuddle me and ask for hugs then turn around the next minute and yell at me and ignore me or somehow hurt my feelings, and it was confusing for me and made her care seem insincere and superficial to me, so I always used to push her away or get angry when she tried to hug me. I still feel uncomfortable with hugging my mom sometimes. I like touching animals, and objects living and non living in my environment. I love petting zoos. I like friendly hugs and arm pats and handshakes and the like. I like massages. I like touching romantic partners a lot, and I'm comfortable with PDA as long as I feel emotionally close to them, like I feel so connected to them by wrapping myself around them and seeing how we react to one another's touch. I see it as a rare opportunity to get to know a person, like the part of their personality that doesn't transfer through into words. And when there is that mutual trust and vulnerability and spontaneity and chemistry there, it feels so nurturing and comforting to me.
 
When I see public affection I think two things:

1) "Awww look at the cute couple, they are in love good for them"
2) "Quit drooling in each others mouths you disgusting fucks! Get a fuckin room! You are both ugly and it makes me want to vomit!"

I'm still a cuddler nonetheless... just not in public.
 
@sandra_b , I like to sneak my foot over there to touch in the night. My partner doesn't like it and I need it, so I do what I have to do when she is sleeping. She hot flashes and it makes her hot, sleeps with her head elevated and the likes, and it means she has physical problems and I have to deal with them. Here comes that sneaky foot, though. If I think I can get away with it for awhile, I'll sneak on over and try to lay next to her a few minutes.

@purplecrayons , I sense the smile means it's alright. ; ) :hug:
 
Guess a man's got to know his limitations. I figure I can tell when not to touch. I know when I need to be touched.
Wonder how a cute little puppy feels....don't touch me, don't touch me; yeah, right behind the ear. Let me roll over.
 
just me said:
@sandra_b , I like to sneak my foot over there to touch in the night. My partner doesn't like it and I need it, so I do what I have to do when she is sleeping. She hot flashes and it makes her hot, sleeps with her head elevated and the likes, and it means she has physical problems and I have to deal with them. Here comes that sneaky foot, though. If I think I can get away with it for awhile, I'll sneak on over and try to lay next to her a few minutes.

@purplecrayons , I sense the smile means it's alright. ; ) :hug:
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haha yeah. I can see how I'd have an issue if I was over heating all the time! That's too bad. I need the physical touch when sleeping though, otherwise I just don't feel right and can't sleep.
 
Someone hugged me the other day.


I wasn't expecting it, and I usually resist that kind of thing. However, that day I went with it and -strangely - it made my day. I hate admitting that.
 
touch is very iffy for me.
i rely on touching to sense things from, or to send things to people. i don't like to be touched by someone randomly though. in a crowd it's very difficult to avoid being bumped etc, but it gives me a vague feeling of overload. (if you can have a vague feeling of overload, that is)
in intimate situations touch is a major factor for me. however, in every day life i am not a cuddly person at all.
and oooh i can't stand when old ladies want to hug me all the time. it's like i'm an old lady magnet.
 
I'm a physically distant guy. I barely hug anyone. Most of the time it feels like something I have to do versus a sign of affection. This trips people up sometimes when I'm at my most charismatic.

The exception being when I'm at ease around a woman I like. Then I do the usual shit like graze the small of her back as we enter a place, drape my arm around her, hold her close to me if we're hanging out. This is the only case in which I'll put my lips to anyone.

Tickling's ridiculous.

Regardless of what I do and don't do, it has to feel natural. I adopted this mentality and don't waste my conscious thought on what I will or will not do.
 
I feel like I should explain more. (Still not an INFJ though)

My husband who IS an INFJ likes to snuggle with me sometimes, and will randomly reach out for hugs or cuddles throughout the day, but without any kind of predictability. I'm not sure if he does it because he truly wants to, or because he knows how much I like it. He is not touchy feely with other people though. I am very touchy feely with him, and crave touch from him. With people in general though, I better be very comfortable if you're touching me (casual hand on shoulder etc.) I'm ok with hand shakes. If I am very comfortable with you I may occasionally hug you. I really had to hug my violin teacher/friend today...I know I drive her crazy and I asked her if I could give her a hug (and she reciprocated.) Most of the time though I'm not comfortable with others wanting to touch me, or reaching out to touch others. (Clinical touch excepted, such as chiropractic adjustment.) I do Hug a lot digitally, more as an expression of emotion and caring since you can't see my face/ hear my emotion.
 
Not usually.
 
I am a kinesthetic learner and am very hands-on in general. With people I love and care about, I openly express affection and love to receive affection from loved ones - not all the time, but I have learned that I am just a happier and more effective person with physical touch :). I also love to give massages and have taken an interest to Reiki and other alternative health practices which involve a lot of healing touch. I believe there is a lot of love and power to share in my two hands!
 
I didn't like when my ISTP boyfriend touched me inappropriately when he was drunk in front of our friends. I just feel like women should be respected in public by their partner. Or by men in general. I told him this and he understood and totally agreed.
 
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