My mother, aunts, and one sister are INTJ's whom I love very much. I often wish I had the knack for details and science that they seem to have so naturally. I don't need to be convinced INTJ's can be fabulous people. Any type can become elitist assholes, I'm just being specific about his situation. I know there is great diversity and tons of influence from environment for each person, otherwise I would abhor the rest of my family as much as him
And if there wasn't great diversity,
he would have been easy to type.
Sorry I just had to reply to this thread because it's so woefully ignorant. That's the whole problem in you and this whole thread.
You are trying to TYPE him and expect the MBTI to explain for his actions. Stop. The MBTI is nothing less than a suggesting guide, and is far from absolute and only assumes general stereotypes about each type. There are many exceptions to each type, and as every person notices, there are some things "off" about the category they fit in, displaying that there are quite a bit of exceptions that will not explain your actions. Instead, I think you should, as suggested, look more into abusive personalities and even narcissism.
Also, considering the "INTJ" type is only found in generally
1-3% of the population being the
2nd rarest type, I find it strange you know so many. I think you mistyped them, as it's incredibly hard to judge and type someone unless you're them themselves, especially the INTJ as I have known from experience. The INTJ are OFTEN camouflaged, adaptable to social situations, and extremely convincing actors which is why I usually end up typing them completely wrong, and I can only confidently type them as INTJ after knowing them for many many years and if they ever opened up to me. Also INTJ especially are quite different and individualist even within their type depending on person to person.
Your father is
not a INTJ, especially from your explanations. First off, a accomplished INTJ will not treat someone as subhuman even if they believe so, because there are social consequences for their actions. What I have noticed from them are that most of them tend to act in a way that is perfectly acceptable and even praisable in public eye(and also to family members and friends to uphold this superficial image), which is why the myth exists that accomplished intelligent INTJ= slightly sociopathic in a certain way. Also they would probably never really say that in front of people with no fear, as they have reservations(introvert part working) and tend to think in a very effective "cause->effect". They tend to write people off in their own minds easily if they don't consider you worthy, so if your father was a INTJ he wouldn't even bother with you much less acknowledge you(much less verbally abuse you as you wouldn't be worth his time anyways), and would probably just be "nice" and carry on a bland but convenient, superficial relationship with you instead of showing favoritism and treating you in a way of bias that causes conflicts. Your father, from those decisions alone, has created
inevitable public conflicts with you, and INTJ dislike conflict and calculate in their mind the best way to counter it. The whole point of INTJ is their logic wins over their emotions, which seems the complete opposite for your father. INTJ are detached from emotion but only because its in their nature to make skillfull decisions in situations without much emotions restraining them, saying he doesn't "believe in love" is quite a emotional statement, as if he was really a INTJ who didn't believe in love he would really have no point or motive in reclaiming this fact, especially in public, and also is a baseless, non beneficial statement to make for a INTJ. Even if they don't "believe in love", they would most likely never say it because it wouldn't do anything but cause negative effects. Based on this, I think if anything, your father is anything
BUT a INTJ.
A true INTJ who is in the "worst side" of things are manipulative, but not obvious and you probably wouldn't be asking this question if he was. This is from someone who has been engaged with a INTJ but didn't really recognize him as INTJ and mistyped him with different types until much later when he opened up to me more. A INTJ usually acts in a sort of way that works for him, which is why they are adaptable and can change in different situations and are much like chameleons, especially chameleons of personality which make them hard to type because they take on many personas which are not close to their own. If you are ever with a INTJ, you soon notice they act quite differently with different people, but never in a way that sheds a negative light on them. I have read that some consider INTJ to be a blank slate with a root personality that can change as they go based on situations, which is why they're so hard to read/type and understand.
Anyways, I think its more of his personal problems instead of his type which explains for his actions. And each type regardless will have dysfunctional people with glaring (personal) problems , so you cannot expect anything to come from typing him through MBTI. Instead it's much more beneficial to look at his flaws and his negative tendencies, and to view him from the perspective that MBTI didn't exist and he wasn't typed. Probably doing this, you will be able to see him clearer, as your problem is that
you're trying to make humans make sense, especially make humans make sense
into a psychological system. Btw, that(referring to the way you approached it, how you are trying to make humans make sense into a system) is also
ironically a very INTJ perspective/characteristic. A INTJ out of all the types would probably find the most value, use, and worth in a suggesting system like MBTI because it is able to explain actions(and humans) in a way that they can characterize, categorize, and ultimately
understand.
Hope I helped, sorry for the long post.
Just remind him, that he isn't helping you and it makes you feel really bad. It personally didn't make me feel bad after I recognized what it was, it just made me sick to my stomach once I learned a person could be this way. But my feelings weren't hurt by comments. But yeah, I would more than likely play to his weaknesses, you know he has a deep level of insecurity and wants to control everything, so grant him security and control. This doesn't always "work", like I've said when you do stuff like this just to remain peaceful it's sometimes temporary. He wants caos and disharmony and control. I personally don't know your dad, but I'm just speaking in general about narcissistic people. If you are walking away "feeling bad" about a conversation, it probably is bad. They use sly ways of making it seem like a compliment, when in truth what they are saying is actually repulsive. They don't accept responsibility for anything. Also, if he is really bugging you don't be shy to leave the house, I've done things like go on drives, go to the library, hang out with friends, anything productive. I don't think you should ignore the problem like some suggest, but limiting time spent at your house is something to consider.
