I was frustrated by this exact same thing for years until I had the epiphany that I'm engaging religious fundamentalists who want to preserve their belief system at all costs. It explains almost everything about their behavior.
For example, the point you were trying to make about marriage is clever and valid and should advance the dialog, but it falls on deaf ears just like making points about geological data falls on deaf ears when engaging Christian fundamentalists about the age of the earth. They refuse to hear your words because it threatens their beliefs. To reconcile them, they need to invalidate you on moral grounds since the data itself can't be directly falsified. Notice how most criticisms coming from the rabidly woke crowd use accusatory moral language -- bigot, racist, nazi, evil, phobic and so forth. Their essential claim isn't that what you're saying is wrong, it's that you are wrong for saying it. It's sad, but they really are that offended all the time. That was a particularly horrifying realization to me.
It should be no surprise this zealotry is most noticeable among secular, educated, affluent whites. Living in a developed but socially disconnected world where most of their survival needs are met, ancient mythological religion doesn't offer much so to assuage the existential pressure, they adopt new values -- public opinions which, aside from providing meaning (no matter how ridiculous), allows them to cultivate a self image of belonging to a sophisticated and elite community of good people.
I wish it were that simple, but I believe technology is only a facilitator of the problem, not the problem itself. This kind of divisive rhetoric has been happening for a lot longer than social media and even the internet has been around.