true love

[slant]

How many of you have loved are have been loved by someone like the stories tell you: deep, passionate, connected on all levels: body, mind and soul, ment for eachother, as one, never to be parted ... you know what I'm talking about?

and is that person your current wive/husband?

it seems that everyone crave for such a love, being loved like this but hardly find it. Is this true? Does it excist or is it a fairytall?And is it true that most people settle for a lesser kind of love just to be with someone, to have childeren and a relationship, or do they just don't want more than that?

For me there seem to be two kind of loves, or I fall in love with someone deeply passionately all the way, or someon grows on me, I appreciate him, start to cultivate some love in a partnering kind of way, but I will never love him in a breathtaking way.

I know I can love someone in this way but I can't find anyone who loves me back in this way. Am I asking for to much? Should I just settle with the lesser kind of love?

I have never experienced this (given I've had a short amount of time on earth, haven't met 1/4 the amount of people most people of the age of fourty have and also have avoided dating in general).

But, logically, I cannot say that there is one 'true' love for each person. Statistically it would have to be able least several thousand matches per individual due to the large population. Heterosexual and gay women would probably have a higher match turn out than heterosexual men and gay men due to there apparently being more women on the planet than men. Except in 3rd world countries where the number of women significantly drops.

I do not personally think there is anything special about any particular individual, I just think, odds are, there are a few thousand people out there who are enough like you to work in a relationship as long as you are willing to. I don't think there is love at first sight or any sort of magical clicking; that is all fantasy and made up in your head. But then again, I've always thought more like a guy in those senses....

 

[M-Tewalt]

TRUE LOVE DOESN'T EXIST JUST FUCKING GIVE UP!

 

[Durandal]

I think the reason why divorce rates have skyrocketed over the years and why love has become so less important to the majority of society is mainly because of the media (BLAME THEM ALL!). As the media expresses new mores and reckless behavior, the majority of society eventually tends to adopt a lot of what happens in the media, and when that happens, sometimes politics are even influenced. And that's what happened - divorce laws and the like have become much more lenient thanks to the progressive influence of shows and sitcoms involving reckless sexual behavior and critical stereotypes and judgments towards the opposite sex.

 

[On my own path]

I think the reason why divorce rates have skyrocketed over the years and why love has become so less important to the majority of society is mainly because of the media (BLAME THEM ALL!). As the media expresses new mores and reckless behavior, the majority of society eventually tends to adopt a lot of what happens in the media, and when that happens, sometimes politics are even influenced. And that's what happened - divorce laws and the like have become much more lenient thanks to the progressive influence of shows and sitcoms involving reckless sexual behavior and critical stereotypes and judgments towards the opposite sex.

+1

Further more the media tends to foster the belief that all people follow those stereotypes or endorse such behaviors.

 

[anica]

I have had true love. We are together now and though our lives are hard, we feel very blessed to share them.

I "settled" for easier loves twice when I was younger and both times turned out disastrously. This time I knew my love for many years--first as acquaintances, later as friends and finally as lovers/soulmates. I was 60 and he 64 before we came to the realization that we loved each other on every level: emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. We are both intense, moody people so it isn't always smooth sailing, but it is the kind of love I have always dreamed of and never found before.

 

[jimtaylor]

Agree.

Now, I can't speak about what i've never experienced. I think finding "love" is less about finding it than about whether we're prepared for what it really entails. I think I was and have been so engrossed the idea of being in love that I was definitely clueless about the realities which may come with it. So, even if we do find that "true love," does it mean we can handle the committment and responsibilities which come with it? For myself, I can't answer that question, although i'd love to give a resounding yes. I still have too many naive misconceptions about "love" floating around in my head which make me question readiness for anything like it. So, i'm not in a rush to find "love". And even if I did find it, i'd probably sacrifice too much of myself to have or keep it, and I'm not about do that at this point in my life. Can't afford the compromise.



Nice.

Thank you and this is part of why I think it is real. I have really only been in one real relationship before this and even though I am young, I know what I feel is real. So for the OP, don't lose hope. Love is something we all seek and something I feel we can all find. It might take some work but there is somebody out there for everybody. Mine also came when I wasn't seeking it. I was tired of relationships and really didn't want to get tied down as I knew I was going to be busy but it still happened. So really I think it can happen when you least expect when you no longer are looking for it. By being content with yourself and being confident enough in yourself to where you can be happy without being in a relationship is really attractive to a lot of people because it shows you arn't going to be dependent on them and the love they give will be equally received and given. So just enjoy life and keep your eyes open but don't put your life on hold to puruse.

 

[The Jester]

TRUE LOVE DOESN'T EXIST JUST FUCKING GIVE UP!

Thank you sunshine.

 

[The Jester]

I think the reason why divorce rates have skyrocketed over the years and why love has become so less important to the majority of society is mainly because of the media (BLAME THEM ALL!). As the media expresses new mores and reckless behavior, the majority of society eventually tends to adopt a lot of what happens in the media, and when that happens, sometimes politics are even influenced. And that's what happened - divorce laws and the like have become much more lenient thanks to the progressive influence of shows and sitcoms involving reckless sexual behavior and critical stereotypes and judgments towards the opposite sex.

Or perhaps it's because the church has lost its grip with the iron fist on most people, so that people aren't doctrinated anymore in having to stay with their partners. Add to that the increase in individual freedom and independence women have gained (they can go out to work and have more rights).

Or, it could all be just MTV.

 

[Norton]

How many of you have loved are have been loved by someone like the stories tell you: deep, passionate, connected on all levels: body, mind and soul, ment for eachother, as one, never to be parted ... you know what I'm talking about?

and is that person your current wive/husband?

I'm married to the great love of my life and have been for almost 34 years.

 

[jimtaylor]

Or perhaps it's because the church has lost its grip with the iron fist on most people, so that people aren't doctrinated anymore in having to stay with their partners. Add to that the increase in individual freedom and independence women have gained (they can go out to work and have more rights).

Or, it could all be just MTV.

Agreed, people find it to easy to blame it on an outside factor like the media when it could be something more internal. Does the media have an effect? yes I would say so, but still it comes down to people and their choice. Just because I have grown up watching shows that show people having sex like crazy and basicly just killing for fun doesn't meen I am going to go out and do the same thing.

Also the decrese in church influence has to be a factor as already stated. Getting divorced years ago was a taboo not only in the media but also in society. Now divorce is not looked on as bad thing in many circles because a lot of times people are not ment to be together. So back in the day getting divorced was close to social suicide. Did you know that there even used to be the standard that if a women had gotten divorced that she wasn't allowed to wear a white dress at her weading because she was no longer pure and unspoiled? So religion does have an effect.

Again so does the change in society overall. Woman having more power in all manners has increased divorce rate but that is not technically a bad thing. Looking back in history, woman couldn't divorce their husbands even if they where being abused and such because without their husbands they would be living on the streets. That is not true anymore. Marriage I feel a lot of times has nothing to do with love and is more so a standard, an obligation forced onto people by parents, religion, media and their own standards.

One thing I don't think a lot of people consider also is war. At times of war there are large increases in births and marriage and it's of young people who are rushed into rash decisions because of war. Then years down the road they realize they hate eachother and get a divorce. Also the age at which people are getting married. 18-20 is way to young to get married yet a lot of people chose to get married around then. Yet the maturity level between 20 and 30 is so much and also comparing one person when they are 20 versus 30, you will find they are different. So people fall in love or like someone when they are 20 get married after 6 months to a year and then the relationship collapses 5-6 years down the road. There are so many factors to consider and I doubt that media is the biggest influence.

 

[Skathac]

I've seen too much happiness in my extended family to not believe in true love. To that extent I'd rather die alone than marry someone I'd be miserable with in a few years.

Props to those that have already found it, you have something very special.