Turnoffs: Things that turn you off in another

[acd]

Yo, I just said I saw you standing the corner.... + you started all this farting stuff, and tried to blame it on me once

I blamed it on your date, ya noob.
BTW... I'm a garden fairy and we don't do such things.

 

[Vigilance]

I blamed it on your date, ya noob.
BTW... I'm a garden fairy and we don't do such things.

I'm not flirting with you anymore.

 

[acd]

I'm not flirting with you anymore.

It's probably for the best. I'll only break your heart. Sigh..


(J/k!)

 

[Pin]

Laziness

Smoking

Tattoos

Morbid Obesity

B.A Degrees

 

[seira0807]

- Cowardice
- Inability/refusal to try to communicate consistently
- Rudeness
- Lies/gas-lighting/denial
- Patronizing me

 

[MrSquared]

Inability to consider...the other.

Knowing that you have scars...but doing nothing to heal them or deal with them.

Living in the shallow because you're afraid of the deep.

Not being honest about intentions and aspirations.

 

[Lurk]

Being told what feelings or thoughts define me, are acceptable, or are healthy.

Example here: Why only positive emojis? Other than a few faintly negative smilies, I'm forced to be a silly monkey or give hugs.

That's actually a subtle nudge, probably intended to encourage supportive behavior, but carries unintended consequences of defining "acceptable."

Since I rely on emojis to communicate tone, I am forced to type *smirk* or *silence* or *WTF*.

 

[Gaze]

invasion of personal space boundaries
people who mistake quiet, kindness or being nice for weakness, shyness, or lacking smarts
someone who always requires entertaining
someone who always need to be the center of attention
someone who turns every conversation into a Debate
someone who Dictates and dominates but never listens
someone who thinks if you aren't being pushy, aggressive, or shouting, you shouldn't be heard
someone who puts being right or competitive above all else
someone who never takes no for an answer, and Does whatever they want to get their way at all costs
someone who talks a lot and never pays any mind to whether the other person cares to listen
someone who thinks they know more than they actually Do.

 

[Lurk]

+1 invasion of personal space boundaries
+5 people who mistake quiet, kindness or being nice for weakness, shyness, or lacking smarts
+ 1 someone who always requires entertaining
+1 someone who always need to be the center of attention
+ 5 someone who turns every conversation into a Debate
someone who Dictates and dominates but never listens
+5 someone who thinks if you aren't being pushy, aggressive, or shouting, you shouldn't be heard
+1 someone who puts being right or competitive above all else
+1 someone who never takes no for an answer, and Does whatever they want to get their way at all costs
+1 someone who talks a lot and never pays any mind to whether the other person cares to listen
+1 someone who thinks they know more than they actually Do.

A little elaboration, from my POV: I actually do talk over others and check to make sure I was heard. I am deaf in one ear, so I'm LOUD anyway, and my family consists either of know-it-alls, or the others who learn to shout to be heard. Shouting over others in my family is not rude in my group, it's assertive. Quiet is perceived as mad, sad, anything but glad. (har)

I also know that the one who screams loudest gets his or her needs meet. Others may or may not.

And because people are generally into themselves, a little noise is necessary to count as a presence. I don't care to be a wallflower.

Added:

People who prefer to call an obvious fight a debate because then they think they are free to criticize the other person's excessive sensitivity, which is meant to call their rationality into question.

People who claim impartiality when bias is obviously present.

People who base their self-worth on their career.

People who abuse others in secret, while maintaining a likable public persona.

 

[Gaze]

A little elaboration, from my POV: I actually do talk over others and check to make sure I was heard. I am deaf in one ear, so I'm LOUD anyway, and my family consists either of know-it-alls, or the others who learn to shout to be heard. Shouting over others in my family is not rude in my group, it's assertive. Quiet is perceived as mad, sad, anything but glad. (har)

I also know that the one who screams loudest gets his or her needs meet. Others may or may not.

And because people are generally into themselves, a little noise is necessary to count as a presence. I don't care to be a wallflower.

Thing is, just because your family operates the way it Does, Doesn't mean others should or will. That's just one experience of the world. In another part of the world, the same behavior would not get you what you want, but a completely opposite an undesirable choice or outcome.

Screaming, yelling, or aggressiveness has never gotten me what I wanted. It just gave people something they could use against me. Being noisy isn't always worth it. Why risk a sore throat anyway. And Getting our needs met is not always the most important thing. There is a time to step forward and a time to step aside. Sometimes, putting yourself in front is not always beneficial out there isn't worth the hassle.

And if someone Did want to be a wallflower, they have every right. Not everyone wants the spotlight. Some are better served in the shadow and prefer the shade; they can see more. Some like to be the picture, and others like to be the frame.

 

[Lurk]

Why are you fighting windmills?

Thing is, just because your family operates the way it Does, Doesn't mean others should or will. That's just one experience of the world. In another part of the world, the same behavior would not get you what you want, but a completely opposite an undesirable choice or outcome.

Yes, I know. How I know.

I wasn't generalizing from my experience.

Screaming, yelling, or aggressiveness has never gotten me what I wanted.

I don't think I used "aggressive."

"Loud" has taken on a broader meaning that I intended! It is not an umbrella term. Maybe you feel like "screaming," "yelling," and "aggressiveness" are synonymous, or maybe you think a loaded word ("aggressive!!!") adds weight to your objection. I thought the family of loudmouths would come across as boisterous, rude, but not police-van worthy. Hah...sorry. Picture a loud, verbose bunch at dinner.

Subtracting "aggressiveness" from the scenario because it was never introduced in the first place, being loud enough to be heard is an adaptive life skill in some situations.

Not one you've experienced. But others.

It just gave people something they could use against me.

Indeed! But...

Being noisy isn't always worth it. Why risk a sore throat anyway.

What about your own line of reasoning?

Thing is, just because your family operates the way it Does, Doesn't mean others should or will. That's just one experience of the world. In another part of the world, the same behavior would not get you what you want, but a completely opposite an undesirable choice or outcome.

It is obviously conditional. Okay, I don't know your contingencies, but I failed to meet them. You probably shouldn't let your imagination or -- worse -- use stock roles and situations (stereotypes?) to create facts about a person's character and social being. Just, period. Someone could almost create a surface-skimmer inspirational poster based on your impassioned statement...

And Getting our needs met is not always the most important thing.

But oops! Needs are wants? Now elementary kids are confused.

Anyway, yes, meeting needs is pretty foundation stuff. Not wants or desires. Needs.

I always associated faulty term/idea conflation with differing intensity or quantity of whatever, not quality. I mean, I know that people use wants and needs interchangeably, but I wish they wouldn't. Like "depression" has no real meaning or impact now.

What did you think I meant by "needs"? I can guess. If I'm halfway correct, the groundless presumptuousness is WTFish, and a little amusing. I'm picturing you as young and well-intentioned, but a little bit all-in too soon.

There is a time to step forward and a time to step aside. Sometimes, putting yourself in front is not always beneficial out there isn't worth the hassle.

How could anyone disagree? But....if I may.....could I determine the "time" as tailored to my unspecified situation?

Damn right. I throw in the towel often. Again though, using my judgment, which is oh, so, so, context dependent.

And if someone Did want to be a wallflower, they have every right. Not everyone wants the spotlight. Some are better served in the shadow and prefer the shade; they can see more. Some like to be the picture, and others like to be the frame.

You tell 'em!

I experience moments when I would rather not be a wallflower; should I refrain from engaging any (OTHER) introvert lest they feel threatened?

If only you knew me, you would be laughing at your conclusion. My username is Lurker.

 

[Gaze]

Why are you fighting windmills?



Yes, I know. How I know.

I wasn't generalizing from my experience.



I don't think I used "aggressive."

"Loud" has taken on a broader meaning that I intended! It is not an umbrella term. Maybe you feel like "screaming," "yelling," and "aggressiveness" are synonymous, or maybe you think a loaded word ("aggressive!!!") adds weight to your objection. I thought the family of loudmouths would come across as boisterous, rude, but not police-van worthy. Hah...sorry. Picture a loud, verbose bunch at dinner.

Subtracting "aggressiveness" from the scenario because it was never introduced in the first place, being loud enough to be heard is an adaptive life skill in some situations.

Not one you've experienced. But others.



Indeed! But...



What about your own line of reasoning?



It is obviously conditional. Okay, I don't know your contingencies, but I failed to meet them. You probably shouldn't let your imagination or -- worse -- use stock roles and situations (stereotypes?) to create facts about a person's character and social being. Just, period. Someone could almost create a surface-skimmer inspirational poster based on your impassioned statement...



But oops! Needs are wants? Now elementary kids are confused.

Anyway, yes, meeting needs is pretty foundation stuff. Not wants or desires. Needs.

I always associated faulty term/idea conflation with differing intensity or quantity of whatever, not quality. I mean, I know that people use wants and needs interchangeably, but I wish they wouldn't. Like "depression" has no real meaning or impact now.

What did you think I meant by "needs"? I can guess. If I'm halfway correct, the groundless presumptuousness is WTFish, and a little amusing. I'm picturing you as young and well-intentioned, but a little bit all-in too soon.







How could anyone disagree? But....if I may.....could I determine the "time" as tailored to my unspecified situation?

Damn right. I throw in the towel often. Again though, using my judgment, which is oh, so, so, context dependent.



You tell 'em!

I experience moments when I would rather not be a wallflower; should I refrain from engaging any (OTHER) introvert lest they feel threatened?

If only you knew me, you would be laughing at your conclusion. My username is Lurker.

Wasn't really going for Dissecting it. My point was views of behavior are subjective and that one behavior may not be right for everyone. That was the gist. This wasn't meant to be a personal attack or insult. My comments were meant to be general, so . . . Not sure why you brought personal comments or age into this. But if it makes you feel better, by all means use to assert your clear superiority.

 

[Lurk]

Wasn't really going for Dissecting it. My point was views of behavior are subjective and that one behavior may not be right for everyone. That was the gist. This wasn't meant to be a personal attack or insult. My comments were meant to be general, so . . .

Cool, all good.

Not sure why you brought personal comments or age into this. But if it makes you feel better, by all means use to assert your clear superiority.

Whoa! Come on.

Thing is, just because your family operates the way it Does, Doesn't mean others should or will. That's just one experience of the world. In another part of the world, the same behavior would not get you what you want, but a completely opposite an undesirable choice or outcome.

Personal.

Screaming, yelling, or aggressiveness has never gotten me what I wanted. It just gave people something they could use against me. Being noisy isn't always worth it. Why risk a sore throat anyway. And Getting our needs met is not always the most important thing. There is a time to step forward and a time to step aside. Sometimes, putting yourself in front is not always beneficial out there isn't worth the hassle.

Okay. Tainting my message with a word subtly placed so readers would assume I actually used it. Misrepresentation. Lecturing w.out knowing any details. JJJ. For real!

And if someone Did want to be a wallflower, they have every right. Not everyone wants the spotlight. Some are better served in the shadow and prefer the shade; they can see more. Some like to be the picture, and others like to be the frame.

Don't assign me this role! It doesn't follow from my post.

We could have meaningful discussion, sans PA bs, and age swipe. I apologize.

This was a waste of time.

 

[Gaze]

Cool, all good.



Whoa! Come on.



Personal.



Okay. Tainting my message with a word subtly placed so readers would assume I actually used it. Misrepresentation. Lecturing w.out knowing any details. JJJ. For real!



Don't assign me this role! It doesn't follow from my post.

We could have meaningful discussion, sans PA bs, and age swipe. I apologize.

This was a waste of time.

Alrighty then. Take care.

 

[Lurk]

Alrighty then. Take care.

For me, this was grudge-free sparing. Screaming in a post to be heard.

lol...joke attempt

Anyway, I did want to say you start interesting threads. So if I post in them, I'm not being mean or anything.