I don't want INFJs to be uncomfortable! ----please don't say that! When you say that, I feel it's easier to agree I'm INTJ just so I don't make others uncomfortable. Isn't that an INFJ reaction? But then, I also recognize that you're probably being tactical ----and that's INTJ--- and the fact that I recognize that is chilling. Either way, my beloved and very sure INFJs, please don't be uncomfortable with disagreeing with me. Dealing with dissent is not exactly a pleasant ordeal for me but sometimes it's necessary. It's not that I don't have feelings about it, it's just that I developed a survivalist reaction to dealing with it---which is to turn off my feelings and look at it as objectively as possible. Crap. That's Te, isn't it? Anyway, I am constantly open to discussion. Maybe that's also a work hazard, but I really am.
That's right. I am not easily offended but what actually goes on in my head is this: shit that's ooompf, oh, but wait, dissect situation, look at macro, okay forgiven---insert funny comment. This happens far quicker than the snap of a finger but I learned this skill. As a kid, I used to pore over these things endlessly but I learned to pick my battles. For example, my ESTJ cousin is very, uhm, generous with her criticisms and that really hurt me a lot as a kid---she's a meanie! Such a meanie that I found myself dreaming she was the demon. She's still this way today but I developed a survivalist habit to it. If I don't, I'm going to die in heartache. But you're right, I tend to be more objective.
To be fair, I am this way now but in the past, no. It could be cultural but it could also be my experience. When I was studying in what claims to be the most competent university in this country, I was always all fan girl. My professors still make me feel giddy, honestly, but when I started to work in the same environment, I started to see their cracks and I started to question my fan girl mode. I lost my reverence for my mentor not because of her competence--- I still give her that, but because her emotional quotient was out of hand. She treated people poorly and that threw me off completely. She saw people as mechanical pawns to a chess piece and when I saw this, I understood its importance but I was also filled with disdain. It's okay to
see people as chess pieces---God damnit, I do this now, but it's not okay to coerce people or manipulate them to their demise, or to even attack them just because they aren't doing as they are told. I'm not like that. When my chess piece wants out, I give them that out. In fact, I don't have chess pieces. I have allies. I make sure to let them know what my itch is about and leave them to their decisions.
Now, I do respect authority. I hate my incompetent boss, but I am acquiring peace now by learning to accept that he's never going to be better. My adherence to the system dictates that even if he were incompetent, his entitlement to his seat of power can no longer be questioned because the voting period has long been over. He's already in that position and the right thing to do is to respect the order. It could be cultural, but it's
my having to submit to the system. It's also a strategy. It's futile to keep attacking authority---it won't get me closer to the things I need to accomplish. Sometimes we have to accept things and wait for better chances. My values are strongly in making human lives better and for now I see that I have to work on a very foundational level to make any impacting change last. For now, that means respecting the current order because nepotism is also a system of its own. Oriental values don't frown as much on nepotism and it puts more value in authority, and there's a reason why I think Mulan is cool but I was also that kid who wanted to crap and pee each time the main character did something stupid----because why don't you just follow your mother you funky stupid cartoon!? If anything, If I were probably raised in a developed country, I'd probably be married with kids now. This whole me, now, is a response to circumstance. At least that's what I think. I want to get what I want because it's for the better and because nobody else will do it. I had competent peers in college but rather than help me change the world, they've decided to settle into their lives (which I think is a good decision, I wish I did that instead)---- but I only want what I want now because nobody else wants it. I was sent here by some divine order that I do revere, and so I obey.
I think, what you are looking at is this grown up version of me in the workplace. I don't have a very developed Te if that is the case because I am really not showy about my work at all. I'm very open here in this forum and I honestly enjoy it but that's only because it is separate from my reality. My reaction to my good work for example is not: watch, you peasants! ----although yeah, I have a bit of that up in my head, but in my heart it's more: well, yeah, it's necessary, and there's still so much more to do. I don't really hate on my peers, or think that my work is better all the time, but I am competitive and due to this I think in terms of strategies, but I question my motives and my intentions all the time. Right now I'm even questioning if this system I am imposing in the workplace is even right because considering culture and all the years this hell hole existed without better morals, why should my sense of excellence have to be imposed on such a crappy micro-culture? It's because I recognize that cities and societies have dissipated due to wrong values that I'm trying to do this. If I didn't have that knowledge, I would completely let this go. I do have to celebrate being a cock sometimes because lately I'm realizing that if I don't, my pride will bruise far more easily and my self esteem won't be able to handle it. I need to recognize my wins and embrace them if I plan to survive in this knighthood for a while longer. Fuck this whole caring about humans because it's the only reason I'm doing this. If it were up to me, I'd be living in a tiny house on a mountain next to a lake, never to see the world again, except through inurnet.
...
Also, let me take this to architecture.
My best friend is clearly INTJ and her output reflects this---constantly. Her works are very definitive of the structures she has in her head. For example, her personality is apparent in that her designs are always introverted (walled), her colors always consistently thematic, and her spaces massive. Her design logic is so systematic that I can almost automatically predict what her output would be like. I was always more whimsical. Whenever we worked together, I was the one who added the flair to the design but always in a way that her systemic aesthetic would emerge. This consistency in aesthetic is also extant in your creative work, Hos. Notice the characteristics of your lines and colors. The grace of the lines in your images are also very consistent with the grace and stroke of your font structure.
When I worked with the more creatively adventurous INTP, our designs just flew everywhere. To be fair, I did impose the more realistic aspects of the design. I was the one who put the limit cap on. By myself, my aesthetic is always more subdued and I always respond to the design problem at hand--- the needs of the client, the context of the site, the character of the function--- as a result, my works are more varied in range. My portfolio actually looks more like other people's than my own. My response to a design problem is more people-oriented, all the time. I don't even follow a certain precision when working. I always ask about the client--- understand their characters and work from there. My taste also evolves. I don't consciously take note of ratios and proportions with a mathematical sense. I follow my instinct in the same way I write prose. I just give it a go.
My INTP and INTJ friends design with a very strong grip on numbers. It's very similar to the Japanese precision of Tatami Mats and Kens ---- and I think that's why architecture fits the T zone, but me, I'm more Antoni Gaudi or Le Corbusier---- it's the soul of the structure that matters more. I don't need blueprints. Work has me indoctrinated into the sciences of precision and once I got the hang of that and related it to attaining perfection in architecture, I sort of made it a habit but it didn't come naturally to me at first. It's also the reason why my recipes are hard to duplicate because I always cook by feeling--- although I changed this because my family has really particular taste buds. Se.
...
This is not me but these are my best friends. When I have problems, I run to people for advice. I need people to help me work my way through it. It's how I found this forum because my INTJ best friends walk me through it, but I can sense it's laborious and mechanical to them--- you know like tired family? My INFP best friend would be very patient and would help me dissect everything but she has a kid and husband now and I don't want to add on her burdens.
@Deleted member 16771 is making me wonder if she's INFJ though and not INFP, and if she's INFJ then I'm INTJ. I once had a huge fight with my INTJ best friends in college because they needed me to not poke in (a generic way) when they were having problems. That they only need me to be there and that's it (and that's how the tradition of my cooking for them when they needed it started to happen). When I was much younger, I had the tendency to impose what I thought was right and I hated my self. Ultimately, I think this is more E2. My hating the way that I was put me on a conscious journey to "improve myself".
...
Either way, I am open to being INTJ. If I am, I think I'd be mighty proud of myself. I am badass and unusual---- I give myself that, but this doesn't come off immediately. I am firstly pleasant when you meet me. I am forgettable which is probably why I don't get asked out on dates. People are kind to me so I'm also kind to them. I always find myself in long conversations with Taxi drivers even though sometimes it makes me want to roll out of a running taxi just to have some silence. People tell me their problems on the plane while my INTJ best friends start to tense up in panic because I'm talking to a stranger. LOL. (They're so cute, I miss them). I always have to be the one who talks to the receptionist at the hotel desk because people like me better because I'm fluffy. I've been called a marshmallow several times in this lifetime. My best friends refer to me as Snowball, that bunny rabbit antagonist on the movie the Secret Life of Pets. They say I look fluffy and I am fluffy, but I'm evil. LOOOOL.
In conclusion, Snep is right. I'm a watermelon.
Dream on. You're 6'1". Beast.
Maybe only slightly? <3
