- Aug 21, 2015
I also had a quite long term ISFJ friendship and I could see that there was a chasm between us. They misinterpret a lot of what we do and think etc. Often it just gets lost in the noise but sometimes it led to conflict. The relationship ended a few years ago. I found they were always suspicious and cagey. Seemed to always assume the worst motives in others and sought to help in a patronising way, while also coming across as humble. It’s odd for us INFJs to understand that. I felt this ISFJ was always suspicious of talent or achievement. Maybe it was jealousy. It was as if being humble was their default position. They just have no conception of the abstract world. They are highly affiliative and traditional. Politics is hard for them to grasp. They do come across as nice most of the time, but they always seem to be hiding something behind a smug and patronising expression. Like they think they know best. They like to help more than admire.
They're routinely a rocky spot for me in friendships. I have a good understanding about why. I wouldn't call her suspicious or cagey, but the rest fits. I wouldn't say ISFJs are humble in the ego sense, but they are close to the earth, no-nonsense, and not interested in flashiness... so they are humble in that sense.
She was very much a helper. Who doesn't like helpers? The problem is, if someone finds their social value in being THE helper, they may feel threatened if others reciprocate or taken for granted if they don't. I think this relates to the original dynamic you mentioned.