Unexplained/Unintentional Popularity??

CaityCatherine

CaityCatherine

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Hi everyone!

I have a question. I'm wondering if this is maybe an INFJ trait. I am guessing it is, but I would like to hear from others. Might be fun to discuss experiences with this...

So, my whole life, but especially as I get older, I find that I am unintentionally popular. I am not in anyway seeking to be, and it's not a sense of pride or something I even value--it's just something that has always puzzled me.

This is kind of what happens: I walk into a situation where I don't know anyone--let's say a university class. For the first week or so I am my usual quiet self sitting alone on the outside of the group. Reserved. Friendly. Caring. Etc. Then, about a week into it, I notice that people are sitting next to me. Kind of gravitating. It's weird. I am not making this up!!!! By about the third week most of the class have pretty much done this and I have gone from being in the back of the room on the side to kind of being in the middle, surrounded by everyone. And they all think they have made a new friend in me. And I think little to nothing of them other than caring about them as people with feelings and needs and insecurities, etc.

I guess it's flattering...except that I have no idea at all WHY. This will even happen on the city bus. I am not joking. People will sit by me when they walk in and are looking for a seat, even if there are other areas of the bus that are empty and more preferable. They will start talking to me like they know me. At times I have thought, "Oh shoot, am I supposed to know this person??? I don't think I have ever met them!!!"

What is up with this???? Anyone else deal with this...wouldn't call it a "problem"...but a weird pretty much daily situation??? Is this an INFJ "thing"?
 
Do you make cakes like that regularly? If so, I want to be your friend also. ;)

I am not sure about your main question though. Certainly your Fe will help you get along with people. Do you become more outgoing when you become more comfortable, like you say, after a few weeks sometimes? A genuine interest in others and a caring attitude (and awesome cake) can go a long way. I'd be hesistant to say it is an INFJ thing but an Fe thing, yeah.

Just being comfortable with yourself is enough though, sometimes. People can pick up on that even if it is only slight. Perhaps that is why they gravitate, albeit a little slowly.
 
CaityCatherine said:
Hi everyone!

I have a question. I'm wondering if this is maybe an INFJ trait. I am guessing it is, but I would like to hear from others. Might be fun to discuss experiences with this...

So, my whole life, but especially as I get older, I find that I am unintentionally popular. I am not in anyway seeking to be, and it's not a sense of pride or something I even value--it's just something that has always puzzled me.

This is kind of what happens: I walk into a situation where I don't know anyone--let's say a university class. For the first week or so I am my usual quiet self sitting alone on the outside of the group. Reserved. Friendly. Caring. Etc. Then, about a week into it, I notice that people are sitting next to me. Kind of gravitating. It's weird. I am not making this up!!!! By about the third week most of the class have pretty much done this and I have gone from being in the back of the room on the side to kind of being in the middle, surrounded by everyone. And they all think they have made a new friend in me. And I think little to nothing of them other than caring about them as people with feelings and needs and insecurities, etc.

I guess it's flattering...except that I have no idea at all WHY. This will even happen on the city bus. I am not joking. People will sit by me when they walk in and are looking for a seat, even if there are other areas of the bus that are empty and more preferable. They will start talking to me like they know me. At times I have thought, "Oh shoot, am I supposed to know this person??? I don't think I have ever met them!!!"

What is up with this???? Anyone else deal with this...wouldn't call it a "problem"...but a weird pretty much daily situation??? Is this an INFJ "thing"?
Click to expand...

You probably give off good energy and people are drawn to that. I have the same thing happen with me but don't know if it has much to do with type. But who knows? :)
 
Cornerstone said:
Do you make cakes like that regularly? If so, I want to be your friend also. ;)

I am not sure about your main question though. Certainly your Fe will help you get along with people. Do you become more outgoing when you become more comfortable, like you say, after a few weeks sometimes? A genuine interest in others and a caring attitude (and awesome cake) can go a long way. I'd be hesistant to say it is an INFJ thing but an Fe thing, yeah.

Just being comfortable with yourself is enough though, sometimes. People can pick up on that even if it is only slight. Perhaps that is why they gravitate, albeit a little slowly.
Click to expand...

Cake--Haha! No, I actually didn't make that one. It was made for my daughter's 3rd b-day (2008). We bought it from a local bakery. It was not a disappointment...because as you can see I still use it for forums!
:m096:

I do make some pretty awesome chocolate chip cookies, though. My 11th grade History teacher ate them once and said, and this is an exact quote, "Miss Aikin, if you keep making these cookies, you won't have any trouble finding a husband." Probably inappropriate, but so funny that I remember it even 17 years later.

I am fairly comfortable with myself, more and more so as the years go by. I feel like I know who I am and what I am about. Also, knowing I am an INFJ has helped me to accept some characteristics I have always felt weird and/or insecure about. I now am going through a very huge period of embracing who I am, and it's pretty great. It makes me more able to allow people into my life in a more genuine way. My husband has always complained that I don't have genuine relationships with people--they are only superficial, and for a long time I got mad at him when he would say that. But I now think he was right, and I am working on it. So maybe people are picking up on that more and more. I don't know...

He also complains that I "steal" his friends from him and then "dump" them. Another thing I would get mad about, but now I see that it's true. I don't get emotionally connected to hardly anyone, but the other person thinks we are really great friends, and then my introvert-self needs to retreat and I don't communicate with them. I even do this with my parents, siblings, cousins, and very best friends. Difference is, they know how I am and they know it's not them, it's me... And I do steal his friends, but not on purpose. It just happens. In fact, he has a good friend who came over a couple of weeks ago and she immediately deferred all of her energy to me, even though we barely know each other. He was really upset with me when she left, like it was my fault. So now she wants to workout with me, but for his sake I have turned down the offers and encouraged her to workout with him instead, which they have done and he's gotten over it. :smile:

Geez...makes me think maybe I am doing something manipulative to people? Not intentionally, but maybe by habit?
 
I'm not popular, also I hide my charisma from the general public and people don't gravitate as a rule ehh... Only the ones I'd rather not see gravitating :redface: Maybe you are just super charismatic.

What about sharing the awesome cake? I'm so in! :D
 
Ada said:
I'm not popular, also I hide my charisma from the general public and people don't gravitate as a rule ehh... Only the ones I'd rather not see gravitating :redface: Maybe you are just super charismatic.

What about sharing the awesome cake? I'm so in! :D
Click to expand...

It's probably that I use the charisma as a coping mechanism in public. So I come off as this very engaged, sympathetic person. I'm also very honest, so I think people trust me... But I worry that I am manipulative to them, accidentally, and then when they are expecting too much I really hurt them, which hurts me a lot to think about. I wish I could live up to their expectations or somehow stop communicating things to them that aren't true. And it seems that others here don't have this problem...so it's just me. :wacko:

About the cake...ya know, I have always wanted to take a cake decorating class. The one in the picture said "Happy Birthday Felicity" on it and had butterflies on top. It was so pretty. I guess this is something I can work on learning someday. Right now I need to focus on other stuff, but I think it would be so fun to learn to decorate cakes. And then I would share for sure.

:m176:
 
No, you see! That's why popular people are popular! They don't try to be, they just are, because they're themselves... They're real.
 
lisamarie said:
You probably give off good energy and people are drawn to that. I have the same thing happen with me but don't know if it has much to do with type. But who knows? :)
Click to expand...

Although lisamarie--you said you do have this trait... So maybe you are right and it is the good energy. ? I certainly have a lot of energy, whether it's "good" or not I am not sure... :smile:

I think, also, I would like to peg all INFJ's into this "we're all like XYZ because we're all INFJ's", and that's not true. We're still individuals with differences. I actually have an INFJ friend. We are very close, but it's kind of the "perfect" friendship...we're both INFJ's so we get each other and it's just the easiest friendship I have ever had. But we are not the same person. I am definitely more charismatic/energetic than she is. Maybe more smiley and light-seeming, although I often seem pretty anxious, too... In some ways I think she is a better person than I am. Maybe more pure of heart...so I would like to learn from her I think.

Oh well, it's not a big deal. I just was thinking about it this morning. :)
 
Horatio said:
No, you see! That's why popular people are popular! They don't try to be, they just are, because they're themselves... They're real.
Click to expand...

Well, I am real, I don't know how not to be...but I will tell white lies if I think I am going to hurt someone with the truth. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

And I'm also kind of embarrassed that I have proclaimed myself as "popular". Ugh. Reminds me of those girls in high school. They were my friends, but so were the other people who they made fun of. It always hurt me a lot...I felt very much in the middle of this immature conflict. Glad those days are pretty much long over...
 
Man, now I'm Jones'n for some cake!

I think people naturally gravitate towards those that have an open & friendly aura about them.
 
I'm pretty sure whatever friendly aura I emit is cancelled out by the intimidation-factor of being 6' 1", one of the smartest persons my classmates know, and conspicuously quiet.
I don't know how you guys can be so magnetic, but I can safely say I'm fine not being that way. I don't like to be caught off-kilter in conversations, so I'm plenty comfortable having to be the outgoing one who initiates the conversation.

e: At least, I don't feel like I'm magnetic. I certainly don't think I pay much attention to whether or not people hang out around me. Anybody else like this?
 
SealHammer said:
I'm pretty sure whatever friendly aura I emit is cancelled out by the intimidation-factor of being 6' 1", one of the smartest persons my classmates know, and conspicuously quiet.
I don't know how you guys can be so magnetic, but I can safely say I'm fine not being that way. I don't like to be caught off-kilter in conversations, so I'm plenty comfortable having to be the outgoing one who initiates the conversation.

e: At least, I don't feel like I'm magnetic. I certainly don't think I pay much attention to whether or not people hang out around me. Anybody else like this?
Click to expand...

You might be magnetic and you just don't know it.

But you do initiate conversations? When you first meet people? I find that to be one of the most difficult things about life...trying to talk to people I don't know in social settings. So do you just strike up a conversation, or do you wait until you can see that no one is going to be the one to stop the awkward silence, and you jump in? Do you find it nerve-wracking? I do it, but I literally will be trembling if I have to stand up in front of a room and introduce myself...

I was a military officer for 7 years, too. I survived...but only behind that persona I think... It's weird...

And you are over 6ft and 18?? Are you still growing???
 
CaityCatherine said:
Hi everyone!

I have a question. I'm wondering if this is maybe an INFJ trait. I am guessing it is, but I would like to hear from others. Might be fun to discuss experiences with this...
...
What is up with this???? Anyone else deal with this...wouldn't call it a "problem"...but a weird pretty much daily situation??? Is this an INFJ "thing"?
Click to expand...
You might want to read up about instinctual stackings and instincts. It sounds like your social instinct is last so you are for the most part unaware of social dynamics. You don't consciously strive to become known and popular, and when it does happen it surprises you. This is usually what is described of people of sx/sp stacking, granted they initially have healthy balanced personalities.

More info on instincts: SO, SX, SP variants
 
I get this in public. People always seem to come to me to ask directions, or my opinion on what they are buying (when I actually go shopping). Elderly men always start talking to me when I'm waiting in line.

I guess it might be some of the following things (probably common to many INFJs):
* A mild temperament that people feel comfortable with.
* Personal reserve - which is not self-isolating. (Probably INFJs don't look very selfish).
* Good manners.
* Good personal appearance/grooming/etc.
* Kind eyes. (I don't have this apparently).
 
Not in my case. I'm not popular and people very rarely come up and talk to me for no reason. I've been told before that I can seem quite cold and unfriendly toward strangers/people I don't know well. Always I am a bit suspicious of new people, I admit, and it takes me considerable amounts of time before I relax and feel comfortable.

Your popularity is undoubtedly due to your easy manner. :)
 
CaityCatherine said:
You might be magnetic and you just don't know it.

But you do initiate conversations? When you first meet people? I find that to be one of the most difficult things about life...trying to talk to people I don't know in social settings. So do you just strike up a conversation, or do you wait until you can see that no one is going to be the one to stop the awkward silence, and you jump in? Do you find it nerve-wracking? I do it, but I literally will be trembling if I have to stand up in front of a room and introduce myself...

I was a military officer for 7 years, too. I survived...but only behind that persona I think... It's weird...

And you are over 6ft and 18?? Are you still growing???
Click to expand...
I'm fairly certain that I scare away most people who would otherwise be inclined to talk to me, and I don't say that just to be self-deprecating.

When I first meet a group of people I usually strike up conversations with the few who either seem shy or are obviously introverted. If there's anybody fairly gregarious going around and chatting up everyone and being loud, I usually stick to myself. I'll admit that I definitely don't well in situations where everyone in the room is totally new to me, but if the environment agrees with me (quiet usually fulfills that requirement) I tend to talk to two or three people or even jump into a conversation-in-progress if it looks like it could bear another voice. Part of what helps me mitigate any nervousness is (and I think other people might do this) I plan a little bit before I actually go up and talk to people; whatever I think of I rarely end up saying, but it helps to steel myself a little bit by keeping me partially inside my comfort zone. I don't like being forced into spontaneous socialization with a large group or a class of fellow students, so when that happens, I usually lock up entirely, becoming a stubborn asshole who refuses to listen to or comply with anyone. This also applies to being asked to introduce myself to a group of 30+ people who I don't know with no warning; usually amounts to something terse and snarky like "Hi, I'm a dude." Come to think of it, that might be part of the reason people say that I scare them: the deadpan joking. That and the sudden animation I show when debating any topic about which I have a strong opinion.

And yep, six-foot and still growing. Scary thing is, I have friends who are a year younger than me who dwarf me by a head or so.
 
The second function for the INFJ is extroverted feeling. They sense the group vibe and can play it pretty well. I'm violently popular and always have been. I was elected president of my class for no good reason throughout high school on the basis of a joke or two I would tell from the stage. I am always asked to be on committees. Everyone loves me. The truth is that I hate a lot of people but I don't show it. I think most people are dirty rats with no common sense who belong in prison. But I don't show it.

I think being popular for INFJs is a side effect of the Fe.
 
i have never had this problem wtih my peer group
for some reason old ladies love me to death tho
 
I think it's probably due to the fact that humans are social creatures. I'm not so sure it's necessarily you. I could be wrong.
 
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