unintentional emotional intimacy

My emotional intimacy is always intentional. I don't feel that when others open up about vulnerable things that we have forged some sort of deep meaningful connection because it takes more than a few moments for me to think of someone as an intimate friend. I can appreciate the emotional effort and gift of someone I don't know very well when they share if we are friends. To be honest though, when it happens with someone I have only known a time or two, it makes me uncomfortable. I don't really let someone see that uncomfortableness but it is there. IMO sometimes people unload stuff when it is better to just be a bit more discreet. Emotions are fleeting and sometimes distance and self-examination go a long way toward finding balance than just forging on ahead with the emotion of the minute. As to genuine pain, I hold mine close and only share with those that I trust, and that is something that requires time.
 
K-gal said:
This happens to you too? Whew.... I'm glad to see others have to deal with this phenomenon. This happens to me quite often - has for years and years. When I was younger - I would get it confused with passion or desire for the other. Back in those days, I wouldn't have much interaction with women, so the connection would happen most often with men.

Now it happens with both genders - quite frequently. I am much more open to receiving what the person in front of me is "projecting" (I don't know what word to call it). It's their energy, their aura, and yes - like someone else said- their vulnerability. I think all of this takes place because I am so open to them. I swear people look at me and then say "I know you" - or - "Don't I know you from somewhere?". They feel me as being familiar, safe, and then they open themselves up.

Next thing I know I'm hearing their "story" and quite often feel myself swept up into their lives - be it postive or negative. Sometimes I think I'm absorbing and feeling the pure joy of being - human - the knowing that we are all connected. Quite often I'm in my heart and share the knowledge that's there - with the person in front of me. I think maybe that's our intuition.

At any rate - when we part - I feel the bond breaking and sense a loss within me. It makes me sad for a bit.
Then I go on to engage the next one.
Click to expand...

Your descriptions are right on, at least for me.
 
I don't experience this, but I sometimes find others form attachments to me when we share such "moments". I've realized the NF way of interacting can seem a lot more emotionally intense to others, it can be something special to them, whereas to me it is rather typical. I have much higher standards for a "deep" connection. Most of the time, connection is over the other person's feelings also; they are confiding in me. I suppose if I were to open up myself, it could be different. Instead, I am somewhat playing the role of "therapist", and so I am not really emotionally invested personally.
 
This happens to me all the time, but it gets me into trouble... Sometimes it's as easy as I really get someone and I tell them how they're thinking...

I feel the emotional connection thing that this post has been describing, they tend to think they're in love... I've accidentally broken several hearts this way and it's weird cause all I can really say is "oops, sorry" cause I don't know what I did to make them think they're in love...
 
The situations where I have had this really happen most strongly have been completely unforeseen, especially since the other person was happily married or similar, so neither party has any inkling or interest in romantic live...it simply was not part of the equation and never was. It was still very genuine though, just on a whole other level. In fact, I sometimes wonder if the intensity of these friendships was able to exist because of the complete lack of "oh my gosh I wonder if this is the one" drama that goes on when romantic attachment is even a remote possibility.
 
To me, this is something really rare...unfortunately accident does happen in the most unexpected way...

:smow:
 
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